There's nowhere I'd rather be
by Holly Dunne
Summary: JONISS! Post Catching Fire, kind of my own continuation intertwined with actual inspiration from Mockingjay. Going to be quite a long one with a developing Joniss relationship as the story progresses!
1. Chapter 1

_Ok, this is my first fanfic so go easy on me! I am completely in love with Joniss so wanted to write quite a lengthy piece, I'll add a few more chapters over the next couple of days so bare with me! Katniss POV. It will develop and there will of course be smut. Enjoy!_

It had been just over a week since Plutarch and Haymitch had gotten me out of the Quarter Quell. I wasn't quite in one piece but at least I was still breathing. They'd managed to save Finnick and Beetee too, both of whom were pretty much unharmed and already involved in the operation to free the captives of the Capitol later tonight. The captives being Peeta and Johanna.

I lay weak in my hospital bed in District Thirteen trying to get my head around the motives of Johanna Mason. During our few encounters she hadn't exactly been warm towards me and yet here I am breathing.. _because of her_. She was the one who'd cut my tracker out when we were ambushed and drew the tributes away. She had sacrificed her own life for the safety of mine; an action which had resulted in her being captured and probably tortured or even killed by Snow. Even before the Quell I'd always admired Johanna for her strength and projection of self assurance, but it wasn't until she had opened up in the games that I'd realised why she was able to possess such qualities.

There is _no one_ left that she loves.

Unlike my own, her actions could never come back to haunt her little sister, or her Mother. There is nobody left for her to protect.

Just for a moment I felt envy towards Johanna Mason.

I shifted so I was lying on my back facing the ceiling. I closed my eyes as I remembered the twinge of panic after waking from the games. I remembered the question I'd asked immediately. The terror racing through my head as the split second which felt like an eternity passed by, anticipating his answer. I shook my head in regret almost erasing the flash of jealousy I had felt towards the girl from District Seven. Hearing Gale assure me of Prim and my Mother's safety had given me something to fight for, my family gave me a reason to go on.

"Hey Catnip," Gale gently shook me from my thoughts and informed me that after dinner him and six others would be heading to the Capitol.

I felt a sudden whirl in my stomach as I realised the danger my friend was about to throw himself into. I guess at one point a romance had seemed inevitable for me and Gale. His feelings for me are more than just friendship, we both know that, but after the games I just don't see that kind of future for us. When we kiss, something just doesn't feel right. It definitely doesn't feel how it's supposed to.

As much as I wanted to protest against Gale's inclusion in the plan, I know how necessary he is if we're to stand a chance in retrieving Peeta and Johanna. So instead I offer a sheepish smile before looking him firmly in the eyes, "Be careful okay."

He lingered for a few extra moments as his lips pressed against my forehead, before nodding in response and walking out of the hospital ward.

There had been something in his eyes that I couldn't quite work out, but I think it was fear.

He didn't so much fear the mission itself. He feared what would happen when Peeta was returned to me and the _star crossed lovers _from District Twelve were finally together again. I couldn't help but smirk at the ridiculousness of two men in battle for my affection. As sweet and loyal as Peeta was, our love story was nothing but fiction created for the cameras... at least on my part anyway. Don't get me wrong, we've been through a lot together and I couldn't have done it without him - Peeta Mellark had become a great friend. But that's where the connection ends.

I devoured the small portion of slop which was placed in front of me, for once thankful for the lack of food in my home district and therefore my rather small stomach. The regular flow of morphling into my body helped to disguise my hunger pains and also made it easier for me to get some sleep.

It was rare, almost inexistent actually, that a night would pass without a nightmare. I closed my eyes anyway, with the hope of waking up to news of a successful mission and the safe return of everyone involved in the plan. I was sick of people dying at my expense.

I woke up to no such thing. It was Haymitch who was sat in the semi darkness beside my hospital bed when I escaped from yet another nightmare.

"Haymitch, you're back!" I jumped up, wincing as a sharp pain shot up through my ribs.

The older man leant forward to assist me in my attempts to sit up. "Hey, hey, careful sweetheart. You don't wanna go breaking another rib do you?" He offered a smile, one which I returned as he pulled his chair up beside me and took my hand. The smile soon crept from my face as I realised something was wrong. It was the middle of the night and so the trip to the Capitol must have been undergone.

Tears of guilt threatened to fill my eyes as I tried to read my mentor's face, awaiting a verdict.

"Gale is fine, Katniss. So is everyone who went to the Capitol from District 13. They're all resting now. President Snow put poor Johanna through hell, but she's alive. She's right behind this curtain in fact." He gestured behind where he was sitting and to the white curtain separating me and the next bed. I felt a huge sense of relief as I heard her breath; after all, I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for Johanna Mason. I barely knew the other female tribute and my experiences of her had hardly been enjoyable, but there was just something intriguing about her and now I guess I owed her my life.

I then realised what Haymitch was trying to tell me. A lone tear fell down my cheek as I barely whispered his name.

"Peeta?"

"I'm so sorry Katniss, we did what we could."

I swallowed hard, nodding in acceptance as I wiped away the tears which had managed to escape. I lay back down and closed my eyes.

Not another word was exchanged.

...

I was woken up the next morning to the sound of a nurse bustling about supplying my new neighbour with essentials. The curtain was still pulled across and so I couldn't see either of the women. At least this saved me having to make small talk when I was barely even awake. I rubbed my eyes and noticed the bowl of porridge looking mush on the bedside table to my right. I swished the spoon around a little but decided I couldn't stomach breakfast.

I watched as the nurse walked from behind the curtain and straight out of the door, leaving me and Johanna Mason alone. The other girl wasn't making a sound, but she was obviously awake.

A few minutes of complete silence passed as I thought of something to say.

I don't know why, but for some reason Johanna intimidated me. I had never met a woman like her. The very first time we'd met, for example, she stripped completely naked in an elevator. I'd watched helplessly as the dress had fallen gracefully from her shoulders and draped past her hips until her entire body was bare. I remember trying not to look, but our eyes caught contact just long enough to send a heat rushing through my body. It wasn't long before it became evident in a sudden blush on my cheeks and I tore my eyes away from hers. As if nothing had happened she turned, her long dark hair swishing behind her as she exited the elevator, her voice demanding we 'do this again sometime.'

I don't think she realised I was awake and before I knew it history was repeating itself.

Johanna appeared from behind the obstacle between us and wandered sleepily to the chair by the door. I noticed a fresh hospital gown had been folded for her. She was facing away from me so it didn't matter that I was staring. She seemed to appear the same as she had in the games, her hair still just touching her shoulders and much more tousled than the night in the elevator. Although, she did look slightly thinner. I watched her stretch before lifting her arms to remove the night dress she had been wearing, revealing her black underwear and curves in all the right places.

For some reason I was admiring her body in a way I'd never appreciated another woman's body before.

I let my eyes explore down from her shoulder blades and trace along her back, biting against my bottom lip as I followed the curve of her waist to her hips. I was interrupted by material, which just slightly covered her bum, leaving the outline of her figure naked and allowing me to awe at her flawless shape..."Seen something you like Twelve?"

I gasped and whipped my gaze up colliding with the smirking eyes of Johanna Mason. She laughed as she slipped into the clean gown, slowly enough for me to catch a glimpse of the front of her body. Her collarbones, her breasts, her..."Earth to Katniss?"

I turned a shade of beetroot as the tall figure nibbled on her bottom lip playfully and a smirk crept across her face.

She stepped forward and pulled the curtains away, erasing any barrier between our two beds. This allowed me to gain some composure for a few moments before she sat cross legged on the edge of her bed and faced me... waiting for me to make some kind of response.


	2. Chapter 2

I woke up from another nightmare at around 5pm. The bed was damp with sweat and it took me the best part of a minute to steady my breathing. I'd slept all day again.

I sat up and quickly ate the soggy fish and beet stew which had been left beside my bed for dinner, washing it down with a glass of milk. The pain in my ribs was a lot less severe and I was able to keep most of my food down now. I noticed the bed next to mine was unoccupied and so I decided I would take a shower before paying a visit to President Coin, knowing full well that Haymitch and Gale would be in her company.

Fifty six hours had passed since I'd witnessed Johanna Mason change into her hospital gown. She'd spent most of her days with Finnick and his special friend Annie; the girl from his district, whereas I'd spent most of my time asleep. I was thankful I hadn't had to face her much, with the humiliation of the other morning still at the centre of my thoughts.

Every so often Prim, Gale or my Mother would come and check on me but everyone was so busy with the plans for an uprising that I was mostly alone.

I slipped out of my gown and wrapped a small towel around me before heading to the showers. I exhaled as the hot water soaked my hair and skin, almost washing away the screams of the jabberjays which had hijacked my dreams. After a few minutes I grabbed my towel and decided to dry off back in my room, leaving my dripping wet hair to fall down my back. I kept my head down as I scurried along the corridor, nearly dropping my towel completely when I bumped into Johanna Mason entering our room.

"Oh shit..." I blushed as she held the door open for me, gesturing for me to enter first, "Thanks." I scuttled over to the far side of my bed and cursed on noticing the absence of the curtain. It didn't matter anyway because Johanna followed after me, that same mischievous look on her face as the time in the elevator. I froze and gripped my towel tighter as she threw herself onto my bed, propping her head up with her elbow.

"Don't thank _me_, brainless." I watched as her eyes traced teasingly slowly down the entirety of my dripping wet body. From my bare collarbones to my arms which held the towel firmly against my chest, down passed my uncovered legs and then shooting back up to meet with my eyes. I didn't realise I'd been holding my breath, but my lips trembled as I exhaled.

The woman lying on my bed showed no signs of moving, "Oh come on! You're not gonna let me stop you are you?" Johanna scoffed at my timidity.

I cleared my throat and turned to face the wall. I could feel the older woman's eyes burning into my back as I rubbed myself dry.

My body froze as I remembered I'd put my clean nightgown underneath my pillow. The pillow which Johanna was currently leaning on.

"My um... sorry, my clothes are underneath the pillow." I gesture to where she's leaning but stay standing awkwardly, still clinging at my towel. All my confidence seems to burn to ash when I'm around the girl from District Seven.

Johanna rolls her eyes and retreats from the bed when she realises I'm not changing in front of her. It must seem kind of silly to her, considering I've now seen her naked on more than one occasion. But her confidence borders dangerously close to arrogance, a quality I certainly don't possess. I get changed and tousle the towel through my hair a few times, before throwing it up into a damp ponytail.

"You were turning in your sleep a lot today. I came in to check on you a few times." I must have looked surprised because Johanna laughed. "I'm not completely heartless you know. I do recall saving your ass in the games..."

I climb into bed and bring my knees to my chest, leaning my cheek against my leg as I turn to look at Johanna. "Hey, I haven't had the chance to thank you for what you did. But really, thank you." This time I surprise myself with how almost inaudible my voice is. The softness causes Johanna to smile a real genuine smile in my direction. I feel myself smile back and we share the silence for a moment.

"So what were you dreaming about today? Lover boy?" Of course, It's Johanna who breaks the silence. Her choice of words is hardly sympathetic but her tone of voice reveals that she cares.

"Kind of. It was the jabberjays, from the Quell. But this time it was Peeta's voice. From the Capitol.. I was running but I couldn't. I just couldn't get to him."

"Hey, hey shh." She came in front of me and placed her hand on top of mine, giving it a squeeze as she sat down. My body twitched at the contact, but at the same time my insides felt suddenly warm. I instantly reassured myself by blaming my reaction on lack of human contact. I looked up at Johanna to find she was looking back at me, a look of concern on her face. I noticed that her eyes were actually a soft hazel colour; they'd always just been disguised by her black eyeliner and dark fringe which hung just over her eyebrows. I realised I was staring at her and quickly looked down.

"Did you see him in the Capitol? What happened to you both?" Johanna removed her hand from mine and played with the material on her top. She didn't have to wear a hospital gown anymore.

"They didn't hurt him Katniss. Honestly. They just wanted to use him as bait, you know, to get to you." Her words sent a pang of guilt through my chest. She continued. "I only saw him right at the end. We were all running, we were nearly out. But then one of Snow's men fired a gun. It was instant. He didn't suffer."

The image of Peeta crashing to the ground, lifeless, sent the fire that I'd been lacking back through my body. The anger I was feeling towards Snow in that moment gave me the desire to fight back.

I clenched both fists and pushed myself from the bed.

Johanna looked at me with a worried look on her face, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything."

I remembered how Haymitch had told me Johanna was put through hell by Snow. She hadn't mentioned what the Capitol had done to her, but I thought best not to ask. She didn't really seem any different from inside the Quell, so maybe Haymitch had got things confused. That wouldn't surprise me considering his permanent intoxication.

"No I needed to know." I hesitated as I replayed the bullet shooting through my friend's back, "like you said, it was instant. Now he's free."

She shrugged her shoulders slightly and turned the corners of her mouth into a half smile to show some kind of support.

"I'm going to go find President Coin. I can't just sit around anymore. I need to train. I need to fight back." I paced angrily in the direction of the door, only coming to a stop as Johanna's hand grabbed my wrist. Alarmed at the contact, I turned round in question. She growled at me, a huge grin spread across her face.

"That's more like it, girl on fire!"

I smiled at her words, remembering the girl I had grown to be during the first games. _The girl on fire. The district's symbol of hope._ She let go of my wrist but laced her own fingers through mine, stepping in front of me and guiding me to the door.

"What are you doing?" She frowned at my question.

"You didn't think I was gonna sit around and let Snow get away with things did you?"


	3. Chapter 3

The next morning Johanna and I had reported to Soldier York by 7:30 to begin training. Despite Johanna's objections, we were put into the class of beginners and told to take ten minutes to stretch.

"This has to stop. Us living in the hospital. Everyone views us as patients." I couldn't help but agree with her protests. I mean, the pair of us have defeated The Hunger Games twice.

We sat down opposite each other. I watched as she stretched out her arms, joining her hands above her head before stretching so her fingers touched her toes. I knew the girl was strong but I didn't realise she was flexible. I moved my arms to imitate some basic stretches as I continued to watch the woman in front of me. Her shoulder length hair was tied in a messy pony today with her fringe left to hang loose. I decided I liked her hair like that. Her eyes were coated in their usual eyeliner, it seemed almost like a kind of war paint to disguise them from appearing vulnerable.

Once we'd stretched we spent the best part of the morning completing strengthening exercises followed by an eight kilometre run. The muscles in Johanna's arms put mine to shame, but that's no surprise considering the way she can throw an axe. After powering through I decided that apart from stripping naked, Johanna Mason's favourite pastime had to be tormenting me. Although I had to admit, her motivational insults were pretty much what got me through the morning.

The pair of us did well to keep up considering our absence of training over the last couple of weeks and Soldier York applauded our efforts.

"Good job Soldier Everdeen. Soldier Mason. You can break for lunch."

We sat on a table with Haymitch and discussed our morning of training whilst we dug into the hot beef stew and potatoes. My mentor went through the basics of President Coin's plan of attack on Snow, frequently stopping to swig from the hip flask which I'd never seen him without. My eyes would occasionally collide with those of Johanna Mason's across the table, sending a sudden heat through my body and causing my stomach to flip. I don't know why the older woman had such an effect on me. But I blamed it on her superior attitude. The way she didn't look up to me like everyone else did.

I noticed Johanna's eyes light up and a grin appear on her face. I turned around to see the objects of her affection; Finnick and Annie. She glared as Haymitch remarked, "Does he ever let go of her hand?"

I hadn't seen Finnick since I'd first woken up from the games. The broken young man I remember was now transformed into a radiation of life, a smile beaming from his face as he took a seat next to me. Annie Cresta took a seat next to him and smiled warmly as Finnick introduced me.

Once we had all finished eating, Finnick filled me and Johanna in on his level of training. Him and Gale were in the advanced sessions, the group which once completing a test were confirmed to be taking on the Capitol in a couple of weeks.

"Don't worry," he reassured us, "you'll be moved up in no time. They just need to ease you in, especially as you're still on the ward, make sure you don't rush and do yourselves any damage."

"See!" Johanna scoffed at his comment, "I am sick of being looked down on in this place. Does no one realise we're victors of the games? The least I deserve is my own compartment. Not a fucking hospital bed!" She switched her glare from Finnick to Haymitch, raising her eyebrows in wait of a response.

"Johanna. You know the deal."

I looked questioningly at Johanna and then at Haymitch, "Wait, what? What's going on?"

"After the Capitol, Coin doesn't think I'm _stable_ enough to live on my own. It's pathetic. I'm fine." Johanna rolled her eyes as Haymitch sympathetically gripped her shoulder.

"Sweetheart, you know I don't make the rules."

I don't know where my response came from, but I found myself volunteering again.

"She won't be alone. I'm going to room with her."

I kept my gaze on Haymitch, unable to look at Johanna's reaction to my outburst. He appeared surprised but he smiled and raised his hip flask in Johanna's direction, almost to toast to her wish being granted. I turned to Finnick as he put his arm around me, pulling my face in to his chest, "See, what did I tell you! I knew you two would be best friends within no time!"

I'm sure I noticed him winking at Johanna, almost as if this was like a conversation the two of them have had before. I lifted my head and glanced in Johanna's direction. The corners of her mouth were turned up ever so slightly, almost as if she was holding back a smile. She nibbled her bottom lip playfully as I looked at her, causing an immediate heat to my cheeks and forcing me to look away.

Haymitch promised to sort out the arrangements that afternoon so me and Johanna said our goodbyes to Finnick and Annie and headed back to training.

...

Two hours had passed. The first one spent assembling guns and the second spent shooting them. By the end of the day I had the best score in the class.

"Impressive shooting Soldier Everdeen," York remarked with an approving nod as we finished off for the day.

"Yeah. Impressive shooting Soldier Everdeen." Immediate goose bumps covered my body as I felt Johanna whisper into my ear from behind. Her breath sent a shudder down my neck. I tilted my head to brush my cheek against my shoulder, revealing the effect the woman had upon my body. When I turned around Johanna had already begun to walk away. I cleared my throat and followed after her, trying hard to ignore the confusion which was racing through me.

...

We were escorted into our new compartment later that night. It was a small room with grey walls, nothing like my room in the Victor's Village, but miles better than mine and Prim's room in District Twelve. There were two beds with just a bedside table between them. Johanna took the one nearest to the door and I took the one by the small window. Attached to the compartment was a bathroom with a shower.

After our tiring day and the prospect of another 7:30 start tomorrow, we were both eager to get some sleep. I pretended to fiddle with my locket as I watched Johanna appear from the bathroom, having dabbed her face and body with a damp cloth. I wanted to question why the girl had been so ridiculous as to ignore the perfectly good shower next to her, but I thought it best not to. I definitely felt more comfortable around the girl from District Seven now, but her blazing temper justified her as much more suiting to the title '_girl on fire_.'

"Umm, I'm gonna take a shower okay?" I turned to face my roommate just before I entered the bathroom. Johanna, who was now tucked away in bed, raised her eyebrows.

"Is that an invitation or something?" Her lips curled into their familiar smirk as she watched my mind at work desperately trying to think of an answer. She knew full well an invitation wasn't what I'd implied. But she was clearly satisfied through watching me squirm.

When I returned from the bathroom I found Johanna tucked up peacefully in bed. I tiptoed across the room and quickly changed before turning out the light and climbing into bed myself.

"Thanks by the way." I jumped when Johanna's voice broke the silence.

"What for?"

"Rooming with me."

For some reason I hesitated before I replied, "That's what friends are for."

I heard a small scoff escape from the other girl's lips, but I chose to ignore it. She waited a while before she spoke again.

"So you're not afraid I'll kill you tonight?"

"Like I couldn't take you."


	4. Chapter 4

After a week of solid training, Johanna and I had been moved up to the S.S.C. We were tested to our limits in a fake capitol street, alongside both Finnick and Gale. It felt kind of like we were training for the games again. Although this time no one was guaranteed to get out alive.

At around 6am one morning, my roommate and I were woken up by a banging at the door. Johanna was less than impressed, "What the fuck?!"

She groaned and buried her face underneath the pillow, leaving me to answer. I stumbled sleepily to the door and was surprised to see Gale leaning against the doorframe. He flashed a grin which was far too friendly considering the time and received a mere grunt in reply.

"Training is off today. Finnick popped the question to Annie last night – they're engaged. Coin has declared a day of rest for everyone. There'll be celebrations tonight."

I was accompanied at the door by my now wide eyed roommate, "Oh my god! What!? This is _amazing_!"

I couldn't help but smile at Johanna's reaction. The selfless light in her eyes. The genuine excitement in her usually sarcastic tone of voice. The way her hand had accidentally brushed against mine as she'd bounced over to the door.

I returned my eyes to Gale, "What time should we be ready for?"

"I'll come and collect you at 8?"

Johanna scoffed, "I'm sure I'll manage to escort her in one piece."

A smirked battled to escape my lips as I kept my focus on Gale. For some reason, a sense of satisfaction had rushed through my body at Johanna's retort. The sarcastic tone had reappeared in her voice and I wanted to know why. Was she jealous? I could feel myself beginning to overanalyse; a habit which my Father used to tell me was dangerous. I shook the thoughts away and assured Gale that we'd be in the dining hall for half 8.

After returning to bed and sleeping until noon, I woke feeling energised and more positive than I had in a while. My happiness for Finnick and Annie was one of the only emotions I didn't have to pretend. An engagement was just what everyone in District 13 needed. And the engagement of two victors was even better. I thought back to the Victory Tour and Haymitch's words which had stuck with me ever since...

_'Katniss. This trip doesn't end when you get back home. You never get off this train.'_

This engagement was proof of the hope which Prim had told me about. I smiled to myself at the thought of Snow's reaction when he hears the news. He knows more than anyone; hope is the only thing stronger than fear.

...

At around half past seven that evening I was ready for the night's festivities. My hair was down and curled loosely, the right hand side tucked behind my ear. My makeup was minimal seeing as I'm not really good at that kind of stuff. But I'd at least attempted a smoky eye. My dress was midnight blue and skin tight, cutting off just below the knee, with t shirt length sleeves. I didn't feel too uncomfortable considering some of the outfits and hairstyles my prep team had forced me into, but it was strange to be out of my training uniform. I sat on my small bed and looked out of the window. I was excited to spend a night away from the reality of the uprising and what was to come. My Mother and Prim would be there, Gale, Haymitch, Beetee, almost everyone. I clenched my eyes shut for a few moments, letting Peeta know he would be missed tonight.

It was near enough eight o'clock when Johanna emerged from the bathroom. I was about to criticize why she'd taken so long, until I looked up and saw her. Her usually tousled hair was straight like the time in the elevator. But this time it was all her own hair, swept into a low bun, leaving just her fringe and a couple of pieces around her face. Her eyes were dark as usual, but contrasting against the softness of the rest of her makeup. They stood out more, almost begging me, _forcing_ me even, to look at them. Her dress was floor length and burgundy in colour. The slit which ran almost the whole way up the left leg threatened to steal my attention from her eyes. I didn't know where to look. But I couldn't stop looking.

I swallowed hard and cleared my throat before speaking the only word I could muster up.

"Wow."

Johanna bit against her lip and walked towards my bed. I could see her eyes were now exploring my body, "You don't look too bad yourself, brainless."

She sat next to me on my bed and opened her bedside table drawer to reveal a bottle of clear liquor and two small glasses.

"Where did you get that?"

"I payed a visit to Haymitch today. There'll be cider later, but none of the hard stuff." She smiled, wide eyed as she proceeded to pour me a small glass which I accepted wearily. I could smell the fumes already. I wasn't used to drinking, or even tasting anything as strong as this.

She poured herself a glass and raised it to mine, noticing the look of hesitation on my face.

"Oh come on Katniss. You wanna have fun tonight, don't you? Forget all the bad stuff? Besides, we're off training tomorrow too, so we should make the most of tonight. Okay?" She had a point. Tonight was about forgetting, it was a celebration. Because for once, the odds were in our favour. No games. No Snow. And most importantly, no fear.

I lifted the glass to my lips and smiled mischievously at the woman in front of me.

"To Finnick and Annie."

"To Finnick and Annie."

I scowled at the taste, much to Johanna's amusement. She clearly had more experience with the stuff than I did, but she insisted I finish the drink and promised we'd have a better night because of it. I shuddered as the liquid passed my lips and slid down my throat making my insides immediately warm. I leaned back against the wall and exhaled as I felt my usually closed off self begin to loosen up.

"It's nice seeing you like this," I took a swig and turned my head to face Johanna as she continued to speak. "You're usually so tense and it's impossible to get through your walls. Honestly, if it wasn't for the fact you'd volunteered to room with me, I'd swear you hated me!"

I was shocked at her confession. I was even more shocked at the genuine look of misunderstanding in her eyes, almost as if she was searching for my approval, my reassurance.

"Since when do you care what other people think of you?"

I felt a slight sense of guilt at the insensitiveness of my words, especially since I knew Snow had killed everyone she loved. I guess she just didn't need to care about anyone else anymore; she had no reason to impress people. Luckily she laughed at my response.

"I don't care what _people_ think... Forget it. You really are brainless, aren't you?"

Our eyes locked for a second before I tore away and took a last gulp of the liquor. Her words replaying in my head as I desperately tried to figure out what she was implying. Why was I any different from another person? Why would Johanna Mason give any second thought to what I think of her? She took the empty glass from my hand and refilled both of our drinks. The alcohol racing around my body allowed me to move on from the older woman's comment and without another thought I raised the liquor to my lips.

My second glass was nowhere near as hard to drink as the first and I was practically able to gulp my third down like water. Over another half an hour passed and the two of us laughed more than I could remember laughing in a really long time. There was something about the girl sat next to me that helped me to forget everything that was going on. Surprisingly, she was making me feel at ease. Or maybe that was the alcohol.

"Shit Johanna. It's near.. nearly nine already!" Johanna nearly spat out her drink laughing as I stumbled on my words.

"Oops. I should have known not to add vodka to a flame," she teased.

I pushed her shoulder playfully, giggling as my move backfired and I felt myself crashing down against the bed, now lying on my back. I'd underestimated my lack of balance whilst intoxicated. The both of us laughed as Johanna took my thankfully empty glass and placed it on the bedside table next to her own. She must have been quite drunk herself considering the amount we'd had to drink. She shuffled onto her knees and took both of my hands, helping to propel me back up.

We both stopped laughing and a silence filled the air.

We were now facing each other, her knees pressed against my legs, our hands still intertwined and our eyes locked on one another's. Her next move caught us both off guard, but I barely flinched as Johanna raised her hand to my face and gently tucked a lose piece of hair behind my right ear. Her fingers lingered against the top of my neck and I think we both felt the goose bumps that covered my skin. I felt a new feeling in my stomach, one which I'd never experienced from Gale or Peeta. But, it wasn't unwelcomed. When she finally pulled away, Johanna didn't jolt her fingers in regret, but traced slowly along the length of my jaw, her eyes following her movement across my skin, before her hand returned to her lap. She looked up at me wearily, our eyes catching contact for a moment before she quickly looked away.

"Sorry." She whispered, "Your hair was covering your face."

I nodded softly, unable to form a response. I looked down and saw the visible goose bumps which coated my arms and realised my heart was racing as fast as when Snow had announced the Quarter Quell. I didn't know what I was feeling, but I know it didn't feel as strange as it should have when Johanna's fingers brushed against my skin. Then again, I reassured myself, alcohol makes people feel crazy things.


	5. Chapter 5

The party was exactly what I had imagined it to be and more. The walls of the dining hall were filled with laughter, excitement and a sense of freedom. The chandeliers lit the room and bounced off the guests as they moved around the dance floor. Everyone was dressed in their best clothes, the importance of the occasion highlighted by the jewels and bright colours which no one was to be seen without. There was a huge table stretching from one side of the room to the other, topped with all kinds of incredible casseroles, cakes and pastries. It was more food than I'd seen since I'd been in the Capitol on mine and Peeta's Victory Tour and that seemed like a life time ago now. It was clear that everyone had pulled together and been hard at work to create such a spectacular event, during such a distressing time and I couldn't help but realise how for the first time in my life I was surrounded by nothing but smiling faces. There were a few cameras dotted round, which President Coin informed me would capture the evening and then broadcast over Panem tomorrow, assuring Snow could see the smiling faces of the happy victors.

After we'd eaten I stayed sat on a table with Haymitch, Plutarch, Gale, Prim, my Mother and a few others. My constant laughter reassured Haymitch that my roommate and I had put his liquor to good use and we toasted to the future as the entire table, except Prim, swigged yet another glass of cider. I turned to face the dance floor, my eyes captivated by Finnick and Annie, who were stood right in the centre of the room. The man who I'd watched scream in pain as the jabberjays had mocked Annie's screams, now held her safely in his arms, with nothing but happiness radiating from the pair. Tonight really was a celebration.

I was shook from my thoughts by the husk of Johanna's voice against my neck.

"You're not gonna miss out on an opportunity to let Snow see you dancing are you?"

Before I even had a chance to respond, she had pulled me from my chair and led me to the dance floor. The mixture of vodka and cider pumping through my body made it hard for me to stand, but Johanna had laced one hand through mine and placed her other hand delicately around my neck. I faltered slightly before gripping the waist of the other woman, but her eyes glistened and a smile escaped from her lips as I did so. As we began to dance, I let my eyes trace down to where my hand was positioned. Heat rushed through me as I thought back to the night in the elevator, on seeing Johanna stood naked before me, and I couldn't help but become aware of how I was practically touching that skin now. My head was already dizzy with the growing effect of the alcohol but this feeling increased as I noticed my hand had dropped to the hip of the other woman. She noticed my eyes looking to where my hand was now gripped and pulled me slightly closer. I could swear there was a look of desire in her eyes.

...

I don't remember walking back to our compartment, but before Johanna had a chance to close the door I had pressed her against it with my body. She gasped as my lips crashed against hers and my tongue entered her mouth hungrily, my fingers gripping against the back of her neck. I had absolutely no idea what I was doing or why I was doing it, but I didn't allow myself a second to think. All I knew is I was craving the District Seven victor in a way I had never craved another person before and I needed to feel her, I needed to _taste_ her right now. It didn't take her long to respond and she bit down hard on my lip as she took control, pushing me against the wall and pulling my hips towards her. Sound escaped me as she hiked up my dress, allowing her thigh to press between my legs. She dragged her wet lips against my neck, licking and kissing the sensitive spot right beneath my ear. The effect Johanna Mason had on me was something I had never experienced before, the power she had over my body made me feel weak. I grabbed her hair vigorously to lift up her face, gaining back some control and forcing her to watch me. I closed my eyes and tipped back my head, exhaling loudly at the pressure her thigh was alternating against my centre. I kept tight grip against her hair, the thought of Johanna being compelled to watch me increasing the feeling of heat between my legs.

Our bodies didn't lose contact even for a second as we stumbled across the room to Johanna's bed. She threw me down and climbed on top of me before pulling me up by my waist, her fingers tugging at my dress as the look of hunger in her eyes beckoned me to lift up my arms.

The first words either of us had spoken escaped huskily from her lips as she took in my now underwear clad body beneath her.

"Fuck, Katniss."

I watched as her eyes travelled from my breasts and stomach back up to my face. The glisten I met in her eyes, although hungry, seemed tender. She pushed me back down against the bed and removed her own dress, revealing black underwear similar to my own. Now I was close to her, I noticed the scars which covered her body. My eyes were drawn to them, not because they made her any less beautiful, but because they looked pretty recent. Before I had time to ask the other woman, she had lowered her body to press against mine, our tongues immediately intertwined and quickening in pace to match the motions as she began grinding against my centre. I pushed my own thigh up to add pressure between her legs, the both of us moaning as I felt how wet she was through the material. I gripped my fingers into her back and was about to flip myself on top of the other woman when I suddenly realised what was happening.

A rush of anxiety overcame over me. The effects of the alcohol felt like they were being completely drained from me, my whole body tensing underneath Johanna's body. What the fuck were we doing? I let go of my grip and pulled my mouth away from Johanna's, turning my face away from hers. My head was spinning out of control.

"Katniss, what's wrong?" Johanna was breathless as she spoke, but she still managed to express a genuine concern.

"I, I can't. I can't do this. I'm sorry."

I stood up from the bed and ran to the compartment's bathroom, hurling myself to the toilet as I began to throw up the content of my stomach. Tears poured down my cheeks as the reality of what had happened began to sink in, my hands shaking as I ran my fingers through my hair. What the fuck was going on?

The thing that confused me the most was the reason why I had stopped.

It wasn't because it felt wrong.

It was because it had scared me how _right_ it felt.


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's note: **I just wanted to say thank you to the people who've favourited and reviewed my story so far! It really motivates me to keep writing when I know people are enjoying it! :) Don't worry there's lots more to come and I'll keep trying to update every couple of days.. Anyway, enjoy!

...

I'd spent the day after _that night _doing pretty much anything I could to keep busy. I'd spent a couple of hours in the hospital serving breakfast to the patients, to help Prim and my Mother who both now worked in the ward on a daily basis. I'd helped some of the inhabitants of District Thirteen in tidying the dining hall after the night's events, packaging up the leftover food and re arranging the tables to how they'd been before. I'd even listened to Plutarch and President Coin as they ran me through their plan of action against Snow and the Capitol, offering pieces of advice where I felt necessary. But no matter what I did, I couldn't get the events of the night before out of my head. I couldn't get Johanna Mason out of my head.

Even from the very first time I'd met the girl, I'd known there was something extraordinary about her, and about the way I felt towards her. It had just taken me until now to distinguish those feelings as something other than hatred; something quite contrary in fact.

Lust? Yeah, that must be it. That would explain the heat that had rushed through me whenever I'd seen the girl undress. That would explain the way something had overcome me the night before, a desire had overtaken my usually reserved self and sent my lips crashing hungrily against those of Johanna Mason's. But then again, lust doesn't explain the butterflies I felt in my stomach at the slightest touch of her fingers against my skin. Or the goose bumps and shivers that had conquered my usually emotionless exterior countless times now. Last night had made my body feel completely new emotions to anything I'd ever felt before. It was more than just lust.

I could feel my brain working in overload again and I knew that despite my confusion, last night had happened and I couldn't hide from her forever. So I waited until it was dark before going back to the compartment, hoping maybe she would be asleep and I could slip into bed and face reality in the morning.

"Where've you been stranger?" I jumped as Johanna greeted my arrival. The older woman appeared so casual, so un-phased by the previous night's events. She was sprawled out on her bed, the bed where the two of us had been not so many hours before. I looked at her wearily, a wave of discontent evident in the pit of my stomach. I'd been mustering up the courage to face the other woman all day, and here she'd been, completely unaffected by what happened between us. For her it must have just been a physical attraction towards me, a drunken mistake. I walked over to my bed and remained silent as she sat up and lent against the wall.

"You haven't been avoiding me have you?" I was about to respond when she beat me to it, "Katniss, it was a bit of fun."

I felt a million different emotions flooding through me as she so matter of factly declared those words. Part of me was actually relieved, we'd kissed, and we were drunk, no big deal. I suppose nothing had to change between us, and that was good. But part of me was angry, part of me was hurt. Her words had hit me hard right in the centre of my chest. All the things I'd been feeling towards her seemed pathetic now. It was almost as if she was mocking me. How stupid could I have been? This was _Johanna Mason_. I swallowed hard and looked over to her, "I know that. I've been busy actually."

I swear I saw a flash of disappointment behind her eyes, but before I could focus she quickly replaced them with her usual careless smirk. Maybe I'd imagined it. I guess last night really had been _a bit of fun_.

"We have training tomorrow Johanna, so it's best we get some sleep." I switched off the light before she even had an opportunity to respond and turned with my back facing her. I decided there and then that I must have confused my feelings of loneliness and friendship with something more; my head had been all over the place since the day I'd woken up from the Third Quarter Quell. Johanna Mason and I have both been through a lot, I reassured myself in my thoughts. Both of us are lonely and have lost people who we love, so we were bound to seek comfort in one way or another. The fact we'd kissed wasn't even a big deal, she's probably kissed tonnes of girls in her lifetime, and I was just another to add to the list. Last night had been a way for us to feel close to someone, to feel that spark of desire and feel alive again.

_Get a grip Katniss. _I knew I was thinking way too much again.

I let my thoughts flash back to the last couple of weeks which the two of us had spent together. We'd gone from enemies, to allies, to acquaintances, to roommates, to _friends_? Yeah, I guess I really would call Johanna Mason a friend now. For every difference between us, there is a similarity. She understands me in ways than nobody else ever could. And as much as I know we'd both hate to admit it, most of the challenges we'd faced recently had been together and I think we needed each other now.

I sank my head further into my pillow and closed my eyes in anticipation of a good night's rest. Tomorrow things would be back to normal. We'd be back to training hard and preparing to take down Snow and the Capitol. I'd be no use to anyone if I couldn't keep my eyes open.


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's note: **My previous chapter was pretty short and Jena Malone favourited my tweet this morning so I'm in a good mood and decided to write another chapter! I hope the pacing is alright on this story, there's lots more Joniss to come so stick with me :) Thanks for reading!

...

The next day, after hours of being tested to our absolute limits in the training centre, Johanna and I seemed to be very much back to normal. Amongst her insults and her typical superior attitude, the older woman had made numerous sarcastic comments accusing me of wanting a '_round two_,' (resulting in my face turning various shades of beetroot.) Such as when she'd caught me glancing at her stretches, which in my defence was literally only me being in awe of how her body can bend in those ways. _I think_. But thankfully, her overly confident attitude was present throughout the day and we were able to move past any awkward phase that on my part had seemed inevitable. Although, no matter how I tried I couldn't quite shake the feeling in the bottom of my stomach, a kind of disappointment that Johanna really wasn't fazed by our encounter at all. It made me feel completely powerless and actually quite pathetic. I reminded myself that the other woman is older than I am and probably has had many more experiences with both love and lust, considering I've never experienced either. So when I mistook our seemingly hungry passion for each other as a confession of our lust and perhaps even the beginnings of something more, she probably didn't even think twice as it being more than a drunken kiss. I guess that was fine. I guess that made things easier. Yet that night was the first time I'd given myself to someone like that. I'd let her kiss me, touch me, trace every inch of my exposed skin. If I hadn't have freaked out, I'm pretty sure I would have given myself to her completely. Now I'm glad I didn't.

We'd both improved drastically in our fitness and strength levels and the 8 kilometre run was easily doable now, but not without Johanna's motivational insults being yelled down the back of my ear. Both Finnick and Gale were on par with us, and to be honest the entire S.S.C. rank seemed to be on top form now, each and every one of us fiercely motivated, almost like a large scale career pack.

...

When we were finally back at the compartment at 8pm that night, we both dived straight onto our beds and let out various yawns and groans to express our complete state of exhaustion. Johanna mirrored me in being covered in mud and sweat but insisted I could use the bathroom first.

I let the shower run for a few minutes as I stepped out of my training uniform and unclasped the bra from my back. The water which was warmed to perfection felt amazing as it caressed every inch of my body, washing away the evidence of today's hard work and allowing me to feel unmarked again. I inhaled the sweet smell of the shampoo which ran down through my hair and over my breasts before splashing against the tiles beneath me. It took a lot of convincing before I was able to tear myself from the bliss of the shower, but when I finally returned to the bedroom, Johanna was fast asleep in bed.

She looked so peaceful, a sight which was rare whilst she was asleep and dreaming, but I knew I had to disturb her so she could take her turn in the shower. I shook her gently but was met with her turning away from me to face the wall, groaning as she did so.

"Johanna, the bathroom's free." I spoke with a soft voice as I informed her, but was still answered with an annoyed groan. I continued, "The water doesn't turn on until eight in the morning. So you won't be able to shower before training."

She muttered back at me, "I'm fine. I wiped myself down with a wash towel whilst you were in there."

I frowned. This wasn't the first time she'd chosen to use a damp wash cloth instead of taking a quick shower. In fact, come to think of it, I hadn't once seen her use the shower at all. The other woman still showed no signs of moving so I sat on my bed and stretched my legs over to Johanna's bed, tapping her back with my foot repeatedly.

"Hey, Johanna. I don't get it, why don't you want to shower?"

A few moments passed before she eventually responded, "I've already washed, I just told you that."

"That's hardly washing yourself... Why don't you just get a five minute shower?"

"Katniss will you leave it, alright? I've just said I'm fine without one." She suddenly seemed wide awake as she snapped back at me, her retort completely unnecessary considering the topic.

"Whoa. Suit yourself then." I couldn't help but reveal a tone of hurt in my voice. I had no idea why she was being this hostile towards me over something as ridiculous as a shower.

I lay down in bed and faced the ceiling. I had no desire to say another word to her tonight but a few minutes later she shuffled around in bed so she was facing the ceiling also. The lamp on the bedside table between us was still switched on, so I could vaguely see her out the corner of my eye.

"Katniss?" I refused to respond or even look at her and continued to stare at the ceiling above me. If she had something to say then she could say it. I heard her take a shaky exhale, faltering before practically whispering her next words.

"Peeta didn't know as much as me. He was just bait, to affect you. Snow knew I was the real source of information, the one who could help him put out the fire." Now I turned to face her, confused, but I let her continue, "It was so dark in the room, but I didn't mind, there was nothing to see anyway. The first few times I refused to give any information, Snow just used his words against me. You know, emotional blackmail, even he could see how much I've come to care."

_How much I've come to care_. About what? About me? No surely not, probably just about the rebellion. Still, the rebellion that I caused. A pain stabbed through my chest. Guilt. I felt sick. A horrible feeling of anxiety hovered in my stomach, the shame of what I was about to hear, of what this amazingly strong, incredible woman had been through on my accord.

Johanna spoke slowly, pausing every so often to exhale. It was as if it was taking every piece of her strength to speak these words, to admit what she'd been bottling inside her since her stay in the Capitol.

"But obviously that didn't work." A small scoff escaped her lips, almost ridiculing how little Snow had rated her strength. "The next day I was naked. And then I found myself soaking wet. The water was ice cold. It soaked my hair, my face, my back, and my legs. Everywhere was soaking and I couldn't move."

My feeling of guilt amplified; the pains in my chest becoming harsher and more constant.

"I remember laughing at him, at Snow. _Is that really all you've got? A bit of cold water? _You know? It seemed ridiculous. I thought maybe Peeta had given in and told them where to find you, and so now they were just playing around with me a bit, before they killed me." A lone tear dropped silently from the corner of Johanna's eye, but she didn't flinch.

"That's when the shocks came."

My whole body froze.

_Electric shocks. _

My head became dizzy with the realisation of what she'd had to endure, and of the nightmares she must have been dealing with every night since. Johanna had been tortured horrifically, because of me. And what's worse, Snow had used water, something she now has to conquer every day. If only I'd have eaten the stupid berries and stopped all of this from happening in the first place. My body became consumed with guilt and my eyes filled with tears which immediately overflowed and flooded my pillow. My chest was suddenly filled with an overwhelming anger towards Snow; I could feel my entire body trembling. I'd come to care about Johanna a lot, I just hadn't realised it until now.

I stood up, shaking with sobs as I crawled into bed with Johanna and curled up against her side. Her chest was soon soaked with my tears but she continued to stroke my hair, drawing circles on my scalp with her fingertips then gently pulling at each strand. How ridiculous it seemed that she was the one consoling me.

After a few minutes of the only sound being my sobs and sniffles, I was able to speak, "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I don't want your pity."

"Johanna. What you've been through is all because of _me_. I'm a horrible, selfish person. You should have told me, I could have helped..." My voice broke off as my sobs overcame my body again. Johanna pushed herself up so her back was against the wall and pulled me into her chest again; whispering into my ear and intertwining her fingers back through my hair.

"Hey, shh. Katniss, it's _me_. When have I ever needed help from anyone, who do you think I am?" Her usual sarcastic tone had re-entered her voice again and it enabled a small smile to briefly flash across my lips. She continued to speak. "I'm not weak, Katniss. That's what Snow wanted. He wanted to _make_ me weak. He wanted to strip me of the last remaining strength I had, and take down the one slither of hope he knew I had left."

I slid my arm around the waist of the older girl, pressing my body against hers, holding her as tight as I possibly could.

"I guess it was partly revenge for screaming at him in the Quell and showcasing my biggest strength. I hate people knowing my weaknesses, so I don't let myself have any... I have to be in control. But Snow could see through me I guess."

I flashed back to when Johanna had mocked the cameras; _'He can't hurt me. There's no one left that I love.' _

I thought to the one piece of emotional blackmail Snow could have used, the confession which Johanna was hinting at, the only person he could use against her was me.

Then I flashed back to the previous night, when Johanna had shunned any revelation of that night as being more than a bit of fun. Johanna had given in to me completely. It was me who'd stopped anything more from happening; I was the one who'd freaked out and ran away. Johanna had no control over that.

Something inside of me clicked.

I realised what she was trying to admit.

_I was her weakness._


	8. Chapter 8

We'd fallen asleep curled in each other's arms that night. Johanna had spent the best part of an hour soothing my sniffles by gently tracing my cheek and collarbones with her fingers, using her other hand to brush through my hair. I had slept with my arms wrapped around her waist and my face nuzzled into her chest, the faint sound of her heart beating helping to soothe me even more. We had woken up in exactly the same position. Neither of us had tossed and turned, battling with our usual demons of the night. It was my best night's sleep in a long time.

The next day we had carried on as if nothing had been revealed. However, I found myself not wanting to leave the other woman's side. She didn't deserve to be left alone again. Johanna was especially sarcastic towards me, which I couldn't help but now view as a front to distract from her real _feelings_ towards me. Although, I was still confused as to what they actually were.

...

Just a few days before the first troops are set to move out towards the Capitol; York tells Johanna and me she's recommended us for the exam. I was nearly forced to the ground as Johanna jumped on me, letting her guard down for a moment and wrapping her legs around my waist as she squealed with happiness. I couldn't help but notice the funny stares we received from various people around us, raised eyebrows and looks of suspicion, but I didn't care. Whoever passes the exam goes on the mission to overtake the Capitol. Our hard work had paid off.

The other victor took my face in her hands as her own face beamed with happiness, with the prospect of revenge, "Katniss, we're going to make him pay for it."

...

We were sent straight to the waiting room and informed of what the test was to include, but we had no time to prepare for it.

The test was in four parts. First there was an obstacle course, which would test our physical condition and push us to our absolute limits in terms of fitness. Then there was a written tactics exam, writing had never been my strong point but it wasn't something I was worried about. Next, a test of weapons proficiency, which was where the hours of assembling guns, would come in useful. Then finally there was a stimulated combat situation in the fake Capitol block. The last section obviously being the most challenging.

Johanna's name was called virtually as soon as we entered the waiting room.

"Johanna Mason. Report for individual assessment."

We both glanced at each other on hearing the words so similar to when we were assessed in the Capitol, before the games. But we knew this time things were very different. We chose this, we were the ones in control.

I gave her a reassuring nod as she offered me a mischievous smile before standing up and heading to the door. I couldn't help but watch as she walked, her hair tousled into a short ponytail and her fringe left to hang over her forehead, just revealing her usual flicks of eyeliner. Her body was clearly strong; the definition in her arms and legs evident even through the training uniform. Everything about Johanna Mason was a vision of confidence. You would have no idea what she'd been through a mere few weeks before.

About twenty minutes after Johanna had left, my name was called. About twenty minutes after that, I'd passed my test.

Everything after that just happened so fast. I was stamped with squad number 451 and told to report to Command. I was put in a specific group, with the people who'd take the lead on the mission. I was alongside Finnick and Gale, who greeted me with open arms, but I was still in a kind of daze.

The whole room was buzzing as our Head of Command ran through procedure; we were set to head out in two days. But the mission wasn't going to be easy. Gale came up beside me and gave my arm a squeeze as the man in the centre of the room continued to speak.

"This is it, Catnip. This is our chance for revenge. You gave these people hope and now look what you've achieved. In a few days Snow will be dead. The districts have you to thank for that." I smiled at Gale in response, before he shuffled back to where he'd been stood before.

To me it seemed ridiculous. Why was I the Mockingjay? What had I done to deserve such a title, and the admiration that came with it? People in the districts had died because of my actions. I'd watched helplessly as a Man from Rue's district had been shot straight in the head, because of _my_ actions, _my_ words. Cinna had always been betting on me. But now he was dead. He was dead because I'd eaten the berries and defied the Capitol. He was dead because he just kept on betting on me. Again, I'd just watched helplessly from inside the tube as splashes of crimson began to block my view. I'd done nothing. Nothing, but selfishly continue to defy the Capitol. Next there was Johanna. The most brave and admirable person I know. She was_ tortured _because of me. She didn't give in even for a second, even when every inch of her body was completely paralysed with pain, she stayed strong, _for me_. She was still staying strong for me. And then there was _'The Girl on Fire,'_ there was me. What had I done, but by chance win the games and refuse to kill the boy from my own district? Then when I was out, I'd tried to run at the very first hurdle. As soon as Snow had threatened my family, and threatened Gale, I'd tried to flee into the forest. The only thing that had stopped me from going was Gale and his desire to protect the rest of the districts.

From now on, I would protect the people I love. No harm would come to the people who have done so much for me. Or else I physically wouldn't be able to live with myself.

I was shook from my thoughts when I saw Haymitch speaking into Finnick's ear just a few metres away from me. Worry flashed across Finnick's face and the pair turned and began to retreat towards the door. I caught up with them just as they reached it, "Hey. What's going on?"

Finnick looked down as Haymitch slipped his hand around my waist and gave me a gentle squeeze.

"Johanna's back in the hospital."


	9. Chapter 9

I didn't even wait to hear what had happened to her before I started running. Before Haymitch had a chance to explain, my feet were carrying me in the direction of the hospital, back to where we had spent our first few nights together.

I reached Johanna's bedside to find her asleep. She didn't appear to be hurt physically, but she looked so small and fragile, completely opposite from the last time I'd seen her. Her body was tucked into a blanket and her hair was much more tousled than usual, some strands were sticking to her skin, evidence that she'd been sweating. I didn't even realise I was doing it, but my fingers automatically brushed across a few pieces on her forehead, gently sweeping them away from her face. My fingers lingered against her temple as I watched her chest rise up and then sink down in a quick but regular rhythm. I flinched away as Haymitch cleared his throat beside me, my cheeks immediately blushing a shade of red.

I turned to look at my mentor who was stood at the end of the bed. His eyes showed a genuine concern for Johanna but the slight hint of a smirk across his lips didn't go unnoticed. The red in my cheeks deepened as I struggled to look Haymitch in my eye. I couldn't quite bring myself to confirm his realisation, so I flipped my gaze back to the sleeping woman.

"What happened to her, Haymitch?"

"She was doing great until the last section. But they wanted to test her and see how much she's recovered since the Capitol." I sat down on the chair beside the bed, placing my hands softly next to Johanna's arms so that the tips of my fingers were ever so slightly making contact with her skin. "I know you didn't know this, Katniss, but she was tortured horribly in the Capitol. She was barely conscious when we found her. She's lucky to be alive."

I clenched my eyes shut for a moment and began to trace circles against her skin with my thumb, "She told me what Snow did to her."

"She did?" Haymitch spoke with a tone of surprise in his voice, "You must be a pretty special lady for Johanna Mason to open up to you."

I turned to face Haymitch, my eyes glistening as I fought hard to stop my tears from falling. He offered me a small smile, a look of reassurance painted across his face. He was silently letting me know that he understood and accepted whatever this thing between me and Johanna was.

"They flooded the streets."

My heart dropped.

"She started having flashbacks from the Capitol... apparently she was inconsolable. They had to hook her up on morphling to calm her down."

"Oh my god, Haymitch, what are we going to do?"

"Don't worry. She's in the best place. She'll have your Mom and your sister to look after her for now. Then when she's up and about again, I'll keep my eye on her. She's a strong girl, you know that, Katniss."

"I'm not leaving her." I barked my reply without a second thought, "I'm so sick of everybody I care about suffering whilst I get all the praise."

I stood up and paced the length of Johanna's bed whilst I continued to speak. "What, so I'm meant to just leave her here and jet off to the Capitol? I'm meant to parade around and be crowned the leader, _the Mockingjay_, and have everybody bow down to me and view me as some kind of superior? I can't do that. No. I am _not _going to do that."

"Don't you think you'd be put to better use going on the mission? You should be the one who finally takes down Snow and makes him pay for what he's done to you. Makes him pay for what he's done to all of us, to Johanna. Like it or not, sweetheart, you're the _Girl on Fire_. You're the one they're looking to." Haymitch pleaded with his words, but spoke with a soft voice considering the sleeping girl next to us. Although, there wasn't really any chance that Johanna would wake up considering her high dosage of morphling. I took a deep breath and shook my head.

"Okay, listen. I get it. I'm this new beacon of hope to finally bring down the Capitol. But that's exactly it, Haymitch, I'm a symbol. I don't understand how, but my actions triggered this. I didn't even realise I was doing it. Yeah, I guess I've helped the people in starting this rebellion, because somehow I gave them that hope. But look at what everyone has managed to achieve without me. I didn't even know about the plan to defy the Quell, you all did that _without _me. Now look at the squad that's been trained up here in District Thirteen. There's an amazing team of people with so much more courage than me, so much more... _selfless_ bravery. Finnick and the rest of them, they're going to take down Snow without me, no problem. Because Haymitch, how am I supposed to just leave her here? She's the reason I'm alive. And if risking her own life and getting me out of the Quell wasn't enough, she was tortured, _horrifically_, and still didn't reveal anything to the Capitol. Now she's living with the memory of what he put her through every single day. I owe it to her to stay with her. What's more, I _want _to stay with her. She's going to need someone to help her get through this, or I'm afraid she'll never get past what he's done to her. And that way, Snow has already won."

For a brief few moments my mentor was lost for words. I stayed put at Johanna's bedside, my head spinning and my body slightly trembling after the frenzy which had built up inside me. Haymitch closed the gap between us and pulled me into his embrace, before softly kissing the side of my head and pulling back. His hands gripped my shoulders lightly as he looked firmly into my eyes. I could smell the harsh residual liquor not only on his breath, but almost seeping through every pore on his body. It was almost as though the alcohol had replaced the blood in his veins, but he was so accustomed to it that it barely affected him at all.

"You're not that little girl who volunteered anymore are you?" I offered him a small smile, the glisten in my eyes still evident. "And you know what, you're right. You, Katniss Everdeen, have already done so much for this rebellion, but now maybe it's time we let you help somebody a bit closer to home. If Coin's men can bring down the Capitol and we can bring back the feisty Johanna Mason; who brought you out of those games alive and helped all of this become possible, then I guess we really are the victors. It's about time the odds were in our favour. I'm so proud of you, sweetheart."

...

It was three days after Johanna had been admitted into the hospital, when I was stood saying what I knew could potentially be my last goodbye to some of my good friends. Today was the day the troops left for the Capitol, today was the beginning of the end of The Hunger Games, and the end of President Snow.

I gripped tight hold of Gale as he promised to return safely, nothing but anger in his eyes as he swore he would do this for Peeta and for Rue. I kissed him softly on the cheek and told him he had to come back to us but only once Snow was dead, causing a grin to spread across his face. He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear gently; his relief that I would be away from the danger of the Capitol evident in his calm exterior, before walking away and boarding the hovercraft.

I turned and found myself stuck to the spot when I caught sight of Finnick and Annie. Every inch of their bodies were touching as the District Four victor held his girl firmly against his chest. His fingers were running through her hair whilst his other hand wrapped around her waist, his thumb rubbing circles against the section of skin on show between her waistline and t shirt. I watched as he pulled back slightly, taking his lovers face softly within his hands as he reassured her he would return, using his thumbs to wipe away the waterfall of tears which escaped from her eyes. I swore that in that moment I felt my heart break slightly for my friend, but I knew more than anything that Finnick would put up the absolute best fight he could to return to his fiancé. He'd done it twice before, he was strong enough to do it again.

I don't know how he managed, but eventually Finnick tore himself away from the red haired girl as he said his final goodbye. He turned to nod at Haymitch who was stood a few metres behind me, and then smiled as he caught my eye. We walked towards each other and held one another in a quick embrace, the arrogant peacock of a boy I had once known stood before me with tears staining his cheeks.

"You're going to do this. You're finally going to take down Snow, and then when you come back, you and Annie are going to live the most amazing life together, okay?" My voice cracked in my throat as I struggled to hold it together for Finnick, but I smiled with sincerity because I honestly did believe the words I was saying. His mouth broke out into the same cheesy grin as the first time I'd met him as he reassured me that nothing could stop him from returning home to his loved one and that both him and Gale would return in a week, with nothing but victory as a souvenir.

"I'm sorry I'm not coming Finnick, I just... I need..." I struggled to find the right words to say, especially seeing as I didn't really understand what I wanted to say in the first place. But Finnick placed his hand around the top of my arm and gripped it reassuringly

"Trust me, we'll be fine. Remember, I know a _lot _of secrets." He winked at me before removing his arm and replacing his smile with a more serious look. "She needs you here. She might not express it Katniss, but she really does care about you. Besides me, you're pretty much the only person who means anything to her." I stayed silent and tried not to look too surprised as he continued to speak; his familiar smirk came creeping back onto his lips. "I mean, she's always had the hots for you, but now she actually _knows _you, I'd say you pretty much drive her crazy. But she'll axe me if she knows I've said that, so that's our little secret, girl on fire." He chuckled before nodding his head at me approvingly, turning around and climbing into the hovercraft.

I was left speechless, a slight blush across my cheeks as I replayed his words in my head. What had Johanna said to him about me? Had she confided him? Had she told him about _that_ night?

Johanna had slept for two days straight after the flashbacks, the morphling keeping her whole body in a state of calm. It was only last night that she'd finally woken up, her face both comforted and embarrassed when she'd seen me sitting next to her hospital bed. She had of course protested when I'd told her of my decision to stay, spitting out how she didn't need looking after. But whether or not she'd admit it, there was definitely a look of relief in her eyes. They'd been reducing the amount of morphling she received ever so slightly by the hour, so that by this afternoon she'd be ready to come off it completely and could be deferred from the ward.

With what was about to take place in the Capitol and the war which was very much about to begin, President Coin had made various arrangements to ensure the safety of the people of District Thirteen. Special shelters had been made; bunkers further underground, for just incase the peacekeepers returned the attack and found where we were living. Coin felt that our squad were in less danger considering my absence from the mission, but when Snow's men realised I hadn't joined them, District Thirteen risked being raided. It was common knowledge that Snow would stop at nothing to ensure the death of The Mockingjay. So Plutarch Heavensbee, being as clever as he is, decided it best that Johanna and I be sent into a special cabin about a mile into the woods above District Thirteen. We were to be moved in that night.


	10. Chapter 10

**Author's Note: Guys thank you so much to everyone who's left reviews! They seriously make my day and motivate me to keep writing ha! I'm not sure where this story is going but I've kinda planned my next couple of chapters, so we'll have to see what happens.. (Ps Jena Malone favourited another one of my tweets jfwqrgfiozqkqjl)**

The cabin was literally in the middle of the woods, surrounded by trees and made out of oak itself. It was well hidden and was pretty small; just the right size for the two of us. It had a cosy room with a log fire and two big comfy chairs, each one big enough to seat two people. Connected to that room there was a small kitchen area with a stove, a table and two wooden chairs. Then up the stairs there was one bedroom straight ahead, with another bedroom just to the right and then a bathroom next to that. I decided that Johanna should have the biggest bedroom straight ahead from the stairs and I would have the smaller one next to the bathroom.

It was about 9pm on our first night in the cabin and Haymitch had just left after eating dinner with us and helping us to settle in. Johanna and I were curled into the chairs, both sipping from mugs of tea whilst we sat in a comfortable silence. The night was chilly and so we appreciated the heat which radiated from the blazing fire. I watched the red and orange flames leaping and turning carelessly, hungrily roaring and flickering, refusing to be tamed as they engulfed the logs beneath them. Despite the aggression of the flames, there was something relaxing about watching them dance. The trees which encased us meant the cabin was dark and so the only light was from the flames and a small lamp in the corner of the room, but the dim lighting made the place cosier.

Johanna had barely spoken since we got here. Her eyes seemed distant and whenever we caught each other's gaze the smile I received was filled with weakness and a sense of defeat. I knew one of the reasons for this was the lack of pride she felt because of her breakdown. Just as things had started to get better for the both of us, just as I was beginning to see the victor from the elevator and from the Quell training centre again – she was stripped of her strength and made to feel helpless. I took a sip of my tea and gently broke the silence, not taking my eyes away from the fire as I spoke, "It's peaceful here."

"Yeah. It's nice." Johanna replied after a few moments, turning her head to face me. She offered me a smile and although it was small it was the first genuine smile I'd seen on her face since we'd arrived. Then she spoke again, a slight tremble in her voice, "Thank you, Katniss."

The indisputable and soft tone behind her words suggested her thank you was meant for more than just my staying here with her, almost as if there was some deeper meaning behind it. I thought back to Finnick's words just before he'd left for the Capitol but shook them off. I returned her smile and reassured her, "It's the least I can do." She put down her mug and turned back to face the fire, bringing her knees against her chest and resting her chin against them.

"I feel safe here, away from everything. I think this is exactly what I need for a while. And even if you are brainless half of the time... it's nice being here with you." I shuffled in my seat as my stomach fluttered at her words. I felt a sense of comfort from the dig she'd thrown in between what could be seen as quite a sentimental moment for Johanna; a glimpse of her old self starting to shine back through the walls Snow had forced her to build around herself.

"There's nowhere I'd rather be." I froze when I realised what I had said and saw Johanna's eyes widen at my response. My brain hadn't filtered my thoughts before I'd spoken and now it was too late. I cleared my throat and tried desperately to stop the crimson which threatened to engulf my cheeks. I failed. I looked back towards the fire but out of the corner of my eye could see that same mischievous smirk I'd become so used to seeing across the other woman's face. She still found satisfaction in my squirming.

"Hey, Katniss?" I returned my gaze towards her and was pleasantly surprised as she patted the empty space next to her, gesturing for me to sit there, "Wouldn't you rather be here?" Her question was genuine; there was no sarcasm and there seemed to be no intent to make me squirm, so I stood up and walked over, sitting upright against the other edge of the large chair.

Johanna laughed softly and began to rearrange herself, "I don't bite, you know." I tensed as she curled her body into me, resting her head on my chest and placing her hand lightly on the top of my thigh. I silently cursed to myself at the now quickening pace of my heartbeat and the sudden dryness of my mouth. I hated the effect she somehow still had on me. After a brief moment I allowed myself to sink into her touch. I even placed my left hand over her hand and wrapped my fingers around hers, pulling her closer to me with my other arm. I felt her smile into my chest at my actions and I couldn't help but smile myself. We stayed like that for a long time, sharing the silence until our eye lids became heavy and we both decided it was time to go to bed.

...

The next morning I woke up to the sun rising and the sound of the hundreds of birds which lived in the trees surrounding us singing. It felt nice to feel nature around me again. It felt like home, like how I used to feel back in the woods of District Twelve and completely unlike the confinements of being underground in District Thirteen. The inside of the cabin was silent, so I decided to get showered and dressed and take my bow into the woods to catch something for dinner, before Johanna had woken up. She must be mentally and physically exhausted with everything she's been through lately. And no matter how brave of a face she puts on, I can't help but drown in the guilt of what my actions have put her through.

I closed my eyes and inhaled as the smell of fresh pine caressed my senses and the crisp, fresh air filled my lungs. I wandered not too far from the cabin until I came across a giant Oak tree and positioned myself behind it, stepping carefully as to make as little noise as I could. After my first games, hunting would give me flashbacks. The minute I'd release my arrow and the weapon was out of my control, I'd see him. I'd see, Marvel. His body limp and his eyes wide as the blood which ran through his veins turned cold, because of _me_. The moment I took his life would replay viciously, clouding the reality of the animals that I was in fact hunting, replacing them with his face, his cold skin, his lifeless body. Gale was wrong in the room before the games, when we said goodbye for what I thought was the last time. Hunting people and hunting animals is not the same. No matter how much Snow tries to convince people it is. Murdering innocent children for some kind of sick sport will never be the same as killing an animal out in the woods. I used to be able to hunt animals without a second thought; it was what I had to do to feed my family. Then after the games, hunting animals for survival forced me to remember the horrors from inside the arena; it forced me to remember what Snow had made me do. But since the Quell, things have changed. The second time I entered that arena things felt completely different. The stakes were higher. I knew I had to fight and I knew that if I wanted to make it out then I had to kill, and this time I was prepared to do it. Being out in the woods again now feels like I'm home again, it feels like I'm free from Snow and his games. I'm in control of where I shoot the arrow which is pressed against my bow, and if I choose to drop my stance and turn around, I can do that. Snow doesn't own me out here.

Catching a rabbit was almost too easy. My lack of hunting recently had clearly not affected my abilities and now Johanna and I had enough meat to last us a couple of days. I'd been gone for about two hours and so I decided to head back in case Johanna had woken up and freaked out with my absence. To my relief, she was still fast asleep when I returned. I popped my head around her bedroom door to find her curled into the corner of her big bed, with no signs of her waking up anytime soon. I noticed how the covers were completely crinkled and messed up and one of her pillows was on the floor, evidence that she had been tossing and turning throughout the night. I fought my urges to go over to the girl and tuck her up properly, deciding it best I let her sleep for as long as she could.

...

She finally emerged and wandered sleepily down the stairs to the room with the fire where I was sat at about 4pm. A blanket was wrapped around her, her hair was completely tousled and her face was naked from any makeup. I looked up and had to look away again to calm the strange feeling in my stomach; the bed head look was seriously working in her favour. She threw her blanket in front of the fire to reveal a tight tank top and even tighter shorts, forcing me to hurry into the kitchen to distract myself. She sat at the table in the kitchen and smiled as I placed a mug of tea in front of her.

"Morning... well, afternoon. Did you sleep okay?" I sat down opposite Johanna and watched as she blew into the mug to cool the tea, before taking a sip and relaxing into her chair. She seemed to have transformed since yesterday. She didn't look half as weak. I guess last night's meal, a good long sleep and some time away from the chaos in District Thirteen had worked wonders. Despite having just woken up, I hadn't seen her look this hot since Finnick's engagement party. _Hot?_ I mean attractive. Yeah attractive, just how I'd observe anyone sat in front of me looking this amazing. I mean, her top really was low cut. I whipped my gaze up when I realised the thoughts I was having and where I was staring, hoping she hadn't noticed. The smirk plastered across her lips told me otherwise, but luckily she didn't play up to it.

"I actually slept a lot better than I have in a while. I can't believe the time."

"Yeah, you looked peaceful when I looked in so I didn't want to wake you." I tensed on realising my confession but luckily she didn't seem fazed, so I continued, "You must be starving?"

"No I'm fine with the tea, thanks." She gestured towards the skinned rabbit which was lying on the kitchen side and raised her eyebrows "I see you've been busy. Nice work, Everdeen."

I couldn't help the slight blush which crept onto my cheeks at the compliment, so I cleared my throat before I spoke, "Yeah, I went out at dawn. I'll be able to hunt for meat for as long as we're here, and Haymitch made sure we had enough of everything else in the cupboards."

Neither of us spoke for a few minutes as I bustled about in the kitchen and Johanna gazed out of the window, occasionally sipping from her tea. Her next words surprised me.

"Do you think tomorrow you could wake me up before you go?" I turned to face her as she spoke again, "I was thinking maybe you could teach me how to use a bow?"

I smiled at the thought of the other girl's company but couldn't help but question, "Are you sure you're up to it?"

Johanna scoffed, "If you think I'm just going to laze around all week whilst you pussy foot around me, then you can think again."

"You were hooked up on morphling in a hospital bed only two days ago, Johanna. I just don't want you to rush into taking two steps forward in case that sends you hurdling five steps back again."

The older woman pushed herself up from the table and retorted, "Oh, so you're saying I should spend the rest of my life cooped up inside? It's already fucking embarrassing enough that I failed the stupid test, and now you're making me sound like some pathetic patient again? Is that how you see me now? I don't n_eed_ looking after. _You_ of all people should know me better than that, Katniss. I really didn't even need you to stay, why didn't you go to the Capitol?" She spoke her words with that same tone as when she had addressed Snow from inside the Quell. Angry, violent and bitter, yet still laced with an underlying desperation. Although she projects herself as completely carefree with regards to what people think of her - even when everything around her is crumbling, she can't stomach the thought of being viewed as weak. I don't see Johanna as weak, how could anyone see Johanna Mason as weak? She's the complete opposite. I know she's strong and capable of pretty much anything, but it's not a sin for me to want her to take things easy for a while and not push herself too much. And yes, I'm worried that the damage Snow has done could be permanent. I'm worried that she'll never be able to completely overcome the torture. And it scares me, because that way Snow was right. _Even the strongest cannot overcome the power of the Capitol._ No matter what the outcome of the rebellion, I just need Johanna to be okay. I can see past the harsh front she puts on for everybody else and even for me most of the time. But just sometimes, she lets me see the true Johanna, the girl behind the mask. That's the girl I stayed behind for. She's the reason I didn't go to the Capitol. And when I heard Haymitch confess that Johanna was back in the hospital, the things I felt inside my stomach and inside my chest told me that this girl, for some reason, has become extremely important to me. Then, when I saw her lying out of it in the hospital bed, I promised myself in that moment that I was going to be there for Johanna from now on, I wasn't going to leave her side. But, obviously I'm not going to tell her that, so I walk towards her and resist arguing back, speaking softly as she crosses her arms firmly in front of her.

"I'm not saying any of that. I don't view you as a patient. But I am your friend and I do care about you, so I don't care if you don't think you need me here, because I'm here now and that's that. You're going to have to deal with it, _brainless_." Her tongue dragged across her teeth as she tried to stop herself from smiling at my use of her nickname, I continued. "You don't constantly have to act strong you know. I know you, Johanna, I _know_ you're strong. So stop fighting all the time and please can you try and just let yourself heal."

"The only way for me to beat him is if I keep fighting, Katniss." Her arms were still folded but her expression was much softer now, her words more gentle. I understood what she was saying. Every day was a battle inside her head. Since the torture, it wasn't just in her nightmares now; she had to face these demons on a day to day basis. But she wasn't going down without a fight. I put my hand on Johanna's arm, but pulled it away when she rolled her eyes at my sympathy.

"All I'm asking is for you to not push yourself too far, okay? If you feel ready to come hunting tomorrow then by all means I'll teach you how to use a bow. But, there's one condition."

"What's that?"

"You teach me how you throw that axe."


	11. Chapter 11

"You're too tense. Just relax."

Johanna sighed and lowered the bow. She was becoming impatient after her three failed attempts to hit a nearby tree, her skills with a bow not quite near her ability to throw an axe.

"You just told me to stand up straight and now you're telling me to loosen up? You're an awful teacher you know, Katniss." I couldn't help but chuckle as she started to take her frustration out on me. She'd been working herself up at an unnecessarily rapid pace and shooting further away from the target each time. The look of irritation plastered across her face was growing stronger by the second. It was kind of adorable. I'd kept my word and had woken her up at sunrise. I was initially greeted with moans and groans of protest but the smell of coffee had enticed her out of bed and an hour later we'd left the cabin and wandered quite far into the forest.

"Let's try again. One more time okay."

"Okay." She shook her body as if to shake all of the tension from it and then positioned the arrow again, before lifting the bow to become level with her chin, "am I doing it right?"

"Your back's still not quite straight." She huffed and adjusted her back slightly.

"And you need to lift your elbow just a little." Her jaw clenched but she obeyed my instruction, keeping her eyes focused on the tree ahead, "Anything else?" She remarked through gritted teeth. I tried hard to keep myself from laughing at her inability to take instructions from anybody else, especially when that somebody was me. I paused for a few moments, observing her stance. At least, that's what I_ told_ myself I was doing. I let my eyes trace from the top to the bottom of her body. Her fringe was tousled, matching the rest of her perfectly messy hair which was swept into a small ponytail. Her hair reached to just past her shoulders now. There were barely any red streaks present amongst her dark locks anymore; they'd faded along with a lot of the parts of her since the Quell. She'd thrown her bag and jacket to the ground when we'd gotten here and so she was just wearing a fitted, long sleeved t shirt which was deep grey in colour and tight black pants which cut off just below the knee. I found myself lingering on the muscle definition in her arms and slowly scanning her waist, then following the curve of her hips and glancing down at the absence of material surrounding her calves... "Katniss?!" Thankfully her eyes were still focused on the target and so she hadn't noticed my _observation _and couldn't see the blush which had now crept onto my cheeks. I cleared my throat slightly before giving her my approval, "No, no, you're good."

Without waiting another second Johanna had released the arrow and to both of our surprise, sent it flying into the tree and lodging itself pretty firmly into the bark. Not quite to the level that I know I could embed it, but not at all bad for a beginner. I smiled as she lifted her arms in the air and then turned around with a huge grin spread across her face, a look of pride once again present in her eyes.

"Much better." She scoffed at my remark and threw the bow towards me; luckily through my experience as a hunter and more so since the games, I've developed pretty quick reactions and so I caught it, much to Johanna's annoyance.

"Show me how it's done then." My eyebrows rose at the challenge. I've never really been the kind to show off, especially not in front of someone who for some reason makes me so nervous. But everyone knows I'm good with a bow, I guess it's kind of my thing. Johanna stepped aside as I claimed the position she was previously stood in. I could feel her eyes on me, so I swallowed hard before positioning an arrow, lifting my arms and exhaling as I focused. I drew back my bow and sent the arrow straight through the eye of the nearest bird, successfully pinning it firmly to the centre of the tree. I dropped my stance and turned to face my audience, the look on Johanna's face giving me more satisfaction than I'd felt in a while.

"Okay" she grinned, "let's see if you can do that with an axe." I nodded. I was under no impression that I'd be at Johanna's level of skill with an axe, but it had to be easier than using a bow and arrow, I mean all you do is throw the thing. "I'll show you first." She bent down and reached into her bag, smirking playfully as she revealed her axe, "Stand back."

I stepped to the side and flinched as Johanna instantaneously spun around and flung her weapon into the tree, the sharp blade swiping the head off the bird I had just pinned against it. I couldn't help but open my jaw as the animal's head hit the ground with a light thud, echoing in the near silence of the forest. She turned around showing no attempt at hiding the smug look on her face and handed me the axe casually, "Now you try."

I was quite shocked at the weight of it and so I swung the axe through the air a few times to accustom myself to the weight. That had been my downfall in the private session with the Gamemakers. Haymitch hadn't wanted the other tributes to learn my strength and use it against me in the arena, so he had warned me not to use the archery station in the Training Centre. But then when I came face to face with Seneca in the individual assessment, I wasn't used to the draw weight in the Capitol's bows. I missed the target. Of course it only took that first attempt for me to rectify my mistake, but by then the Gamemakers had already lost interest. I smiled to myself as I remembered the sharp gasps, followed by a deathly silence as I'd shot an arrow parallel to Seneca Crane's head and straight into the centre of an apple. _That _had gained their interest.

I stepped so my weight was on my left leg and propelled the axe over the right side of my body, letting go when the weapon came about level to my chin. Johanna sniggered as the blade planted itself in the ground, the weight clearly not as easy to adjust to as my usual choice of weapon.

"At least it's in line with the tree." I defend.

"Oh I almost forgot, sending your blade to sit right in front of your enemy would be such a great advantage in the games..." She mocked. But she had a point. I watched her sheepishly as she returned the axe and for some reason my breathing quickened as she began to walk dangerously close to me. I swallowed and dropped my eyes to the ground, but her eyes stayed focused on me whilst she approached. I exhaled shakily then let myself relax as she seemed to walk straight past me, "..._Brainless._" My eyes shot up and my whole body stiffened as I felt the warmth of her breath against my neck. She was standing directly behind me. I couldn't help but flutter my eyelids shut as she adjusted herself closer to me and I felt the press of her breasts against my back. My breath hitched as I felt her left hand rest on my waist and her right hand interlock with mine, passing the axe into my grip. I didn't know whether she was whispering because she was so close, or because she could see the way her soft breaths were making me tremble slightly as I felt them bounce off my earlobe.

"This time we're gonna let go when it gets to here, okay?" I was too busy concentrating on getting my heart rate back to normal to pay attention to the point she was referring to, but I nodded anyway. "Ready?" I nodded again, "Okay, I'll count us in."

I could actually laugh at how pathetic she made me. The way one simple touch could root fireworks within my body and cause my brain to go into such an overload. This girl held more power over me than anybody ever had. Even Snow. Johanna probably had absolutely no idea that she was causing this effect on me, her gestures implying nothing more than a friend teaching another friend how to throw an axe. I guess that's all this should feel like to me too - because that's all this is. I thought back to after we'd kissed. Her words echoed in my head.

_'Katniss, it was a bit of fun.' _

I manoeuvred my neck away from her lips slightly to compose myself, shaking my free arm a little as I did so. But just as I began to scoff at how ridiculous these feelings were, I couldn't help but conflict myself and think back to what Finnick had said.

_'She's always had the hots for you, but now she actually knows you, I'd say you pretty much drive her crazy.'_

Drive her crazy? What does that even mean? Finnick knew this girl better than anyone did and so for him to say that, I _had_ to be missing something. Didn't I? I mean I know she's good at hiding her emotions, but maybe she's even better than I had assumed. I reminisced to back before the test, to how every so often, a crack in her so called egotistical exterior let me just a little bit further in. I remembered how I'd started to see the real Johanna Mason; the person that not many people knew. Even if the kiss wasn't anything more than lust, it still means that in that moment, she'd wanted me and maybe, just _maybe, _she wanted me now. Maybe this contact _was _making Johanna feel the same way I was feeling. And what annoyed me the most, was that maybe, I would never find out.

"Three, two, one, release."

...

We'd ended up spending quite a few hours out in the forest and hadn't decided to head back to the cabin until mid afternoon. It had started to rain lightly as we walked the journey side by side, every so often a cold droplet splashing against my face. To me, the steady downpour sounded peaceful like the patter of tiny dancing feet, but to my companion I could only imagine how the water must have been crashing deafeningly around her, trapping her like the jabberjay section of the Quell did to me. Johanna had barely even flinched, no cracks showing in her tortoise shell of an emotional exterior. But she couldn't hide the relief in her eyes as we caught sight of the cabin up ahead. When we'd finally reached the cabin, she had changed into some comfier clothes and then flopped sleepily onto the couch. She sighed with contentment as she cuddled up underneath her checked blanket - she wouldn't admit it but she was tired after today. I'd gone straight upstairs and jumped in the shower, before changing into more loose fitting clothes. I left my hair cascading loosely past my shoulders and down my back. I hadn't washed it but the odd strand was damp. Johanna hadn't showered since we got here, but she made do with a wash towel and manageable amounts of water. I wasn't going to push her to try and conquer that fear just yet; I knew she'd face it when she felt ready.

I sauntered down the stairs and raised my eyebrows when I noticed Johanna bustling about in the kitchen and retrieving various ingredients from the cupboards. She didn't even become aware of my presence; her focus completely taken by whatever she was doing. That was one of my favourite things about Johanna. The way she gave herself so wholly to everything that she did. Whether it was something as big as facing twenty three other tributes in a blood thirsty fight to the death battle, or as small as pottering around a kitchen and finding certain bits and pieces. Once she had her mind set on something, it was highly unlikely anyone could defer her. I walked over and leant against the kitchen counter, tucking my hair behind my ear as I spoke, "What are you doing?"

She crouched down and opened a cupboard, her eyes lighting up as she found what she'd been looking for. She spoke as she placed various bowls and utensils besides where I was leaning, "Haymitch called whilst you were showering. He and Annie are coming over for dinner tomorrow night." She looked over to me and smiled impishly, "I thought we could bake a cake for dessert."

My face fell into what can only be described as a half frown, half smirk. Johanna Mason, the lumberjack from District Seven, was suggesting we bake a cake for our guests. It seemed so out of character, but I guess she'd never had the opportunity to suggest this kind of pastime. I guess it just seemed like such a _Peeta_ thing to do. My smirk faded as I was reminded of the loss of my friend. He was so gentle and pure; he didn't deserve to be rotting in the ground whilst I was walking around, practically unharmed. The other woman must have noticed my change of mood and the cause behind it, because she stopped what she was doing and stood again, turning to face me.

"We don't have to if you don't feel like it, Katniss?" Her voice was soft with a genuine concern, "I just thought it would be something fun we could do together... and I'm sure Haymitch and Annie would appreciate the effort."

I couldn't help but turn up the corners of my mouth into a small smile, she was right. Besides, I had intended on keeping the other girl company as much as I could. I was scared of the thoughts which would haunt her if she was left alone for too long. Not to mention the fact that I actually liked spending my time with her now. I walked over to stand beside the smaller girl and placed my hands on the counter, "What can I do?" She grinned at me before arranging all of the ingredients and utensils to make space in front of us. "First of all," she returned her gaze to me, "chocolate or vanilla?"

"Ummm." I thought back to the train journey from District Six to District Five on my Victory Tour. One of the chefs had brought out a huge tray of cookies and Haymitch's eyes had widened as soon as he even smelt them. It's needless to say all that was left was a silver tray scattered in crumbs by the time we'd made it to Five. I smiled slightly at the memory. Despite how emotionally draining the tour had been; Peeta, Effie, Haymitch and Cinna had gotten me through all of its gruelling requirements. They'd become such incredible acquaintances. I guess they'd pretty much become my _friends_. Real friends. For the first time in my life I'd actually come to care about people other than my family and Gale. It was crazy how such an inhumane event as The Hunger Games had actually brought people together in many ways. Maybe every cloud really does have a silver lining.

"How about we make chocolate chip cookies instead? Do we have the ingredients for those?" My eyes met her eyes and she bit against her bottom lip mischievously at my suggestion_._

"Good thinking, Twelve." She reached up to the top of one of the cupboards, trying to find the chocolate chips amongst the various jars and packages. Being the taller of the two of us, I probably should have offered to look instead. But I found myself distracted by the lack of material which now revealed the smaller woman's hip. I turned away as she retrieved what she'd been looking for and placed them on the counter, "Chocolate chip cookies it is."

I sat on the counter and watched as Johanna used the scales to measure out the ingredients, listening as she told me a story about her and her Mom baking together when she was younger. I admired the sparkle in her eye and adorable smile which was plastered across her face as she reminisced in her tale, especially seeing as this must be quite hard for her to talk about. It felt good that she was opening up to me.

Johanna gave me the flour, baking soda and salt to mix in a bowl whilst she got to work combining the butter, sugar and eggs in another bowl. I mixed my ingredients up then opened the packet of chocolate chips and poured some into the palm of my hand before tipping them into my mouth. I couldn't help but flicker my eyes shut at the memory which came along with the uncommon taste of chocolate against my tongue. I flashed back to the flavour of Johanna's tongue as it swirled against mine that night in our compartment. It had been the most amazing mixture of fruit from the cider, with the slight hint of chocolate from one of the many puddings at Finnick's wedding. The taste of her had been amazing. I'd almost forgotten just _how_ amazing it had been to kiss Johanna, until now. I shot open my eyes as the object of my affection cleared her throat, her eyebrows raised at my stealing the chocolate chips and my presumably overdramatic enjoyment of them.

"Do you kindly mind saving some of those for the cookies, brainless?"

I swallowed my mouthful and just about managed to stop myself from turning red as she smirked at me. I felt like a naughty child who'd just been caught doing something they shouldn't by their Mom. I giggled and tipped in the remainder of the chocolate once she'd poured her mixture into my bowl. She used a wooden spoon to mix the ingredients into sticky dough; there looked enough to feed a dozen people, never mind just the four of us. She must have noticed my look because a light and unusual blush became evident across her cheeks, "Measurements have never really been my area of expertise, okay? My parents always used to say I had eyes bigger than my belly."

Looking at her petite frame now, it was hard to imagine Johanna as ever being much of a big eater. It just showed how much the games can change people physically as well as mentally.

My legs which had been swinging from the counter became still as Johanna scooped up some of the cookie dough with her index finger and stepped closer to me, positioning herself lightly between my legs. She raised her finger towards my lips, gesturing for me to taste some, but as I opened my mouth to compel she whipped her finger away and sucked the mixture teasingly slowly herself. My eyes involuntarily flickered from her eyes to her mouth, hovering for too long on the lower of the two as she removed her finger and bit her teeth against her bottom lip with a half smirk. "Oh sorry, did you want some?" She teased.

"Har – har." I tried to mock in return. I even offered a sarcastic smile in support. But, for some reason my words came out quieter than I'd intended and my eyes failed to remove themselves from the direction of her lips. To my relief she seemed oblivious to my actions and leant over to reach the bowl again, her hips pressing against my thighs and sending a sharp rush through my body as she did so. She returned to her previous position and raised her hand. Again I compelled, opening my mouth slightly. This time she pushed her finger past my lips and against my tongue, pulling herself out slowly as I sucked at the absolutely amazing tasting mixture that we'd made. I hadn't even realised they were shut, but my eyes remained closed as my tongue lapped at her finger, almost afraid to meet Johanna's gaze as we shared such an unexpectedly intimate moment. I don't know whether I imagined it, or _fantasised_ it, but I swear I heard a faint, almost soundless exhale of pleasure from the other woman as I sucked especially hard for a moment, removing any last remnants of the sugary goodness. Our eyes caught contact for a split second as she removed her finger entirely from my mouth. I swear you could hear a pin drop in the silence. The next thing I knew she'd wiped more of the sticky dough across my cheek and dashed to the other side of the kitchen table, laughing shrilly as she did so. I opened my mouth in shock and let out a gasp, only to induce more cackles from the older woman who was now bracing herself for a returned attack.

"Oh, so that's how you want to play it?" I pushed myself from the counter and scooped up some of the contents of the bowl with both my index finger and my middle finger. She raised her eyebrow playfully as I stepped towards her, pressing myself against the opposite side of the table to which she was leaning her hands against.

"Give me the best you've got, Mockingjay." I glared at her term of address. She always had known how to push my buttons, but this time I definitely wasn't going to let her have the upper hand. To her surprise I launched myself across the table and pinned Johanna against the wall, causing her breath to catch from the shock. She momentarily released a husky laugh before licking her lips slightly, keeping her wide set brown eyes locked on my grey ones as she did so.

"Wow, Katniss. Doesn't this bring back memories?"

My heart thumped in my chest as I flashed back to the memory she was talking about. But I wasn't going to let her distract me. I roughly swiped the cookie dough from my fingers across her slightly wet lips and chin. She growled and kicked my shin with force, causing me to loosen my grip against her. This enabled her to throw me against the couch and she then used the small but controlled weight of her body to effectively straddle me against it. I didn't waste any time in toppling the pair of us onto the ground and reclaiming my position of control, this time me wrapping my legs around Johanna's and pinning her arms above her head with my hands. I smiled with satisfaction at the sight of her powerless beneath me. The both of us were now breathless; the sound of the other woman's ragged breathing threatening to divert me from the task at hand. Our eyes locked again before my gaze was drawn down to her tongue which was conveniently dawdling against her bottom lip and then her top lip, tasting and removing the evidence of me beating her in this game. I didn't realise I was doing it but I bit against my own lip as I watched the actions of the woman beneath me. My teeth pierced my own flesh so hard that blood threatened to overflow the surface. I exhaled a shaky breath as I slowly lifted my eyelids and returned my eyes to the brown ones beneath me.

Before I even had a chance to react, Johanna had used my moment of weakness to her advantage and managed to flip me over. She pushed herself up so she was on her knees, using the inside of her upper thighs to keep me pressed against the ground. She sniggered and used the back of her sleeve to wipe any remnants of the cookie dough from her face before abruptly lowering herself down. Her elbows were either side of my shoulders, our hands were side by side above my head and her face was parallel hovering above my own. It was as if I was staying beneath her voluntarily. She was barely even holding me down now and we both knew that. My heart rate continued to amplify as she turned the corners of her mouth into a small but hungry smile. Her face suddenly lowered down towards mine, our eye contact so intense I think I was afraid to blink. She was so close to me, I could feel her breath against her lips. My body betrayed me as she laced her fingers through mine and I trembled at the anticipation of what was about to come. I closed my eyes as her lips almost brushed against mine, my heart beating so fast through my chest I actually thought it might burst. Her bottom lip dragged painfully slowly across my closed mouth before her tongue escaped and hauled across my cheek. I opened my eyes in confusion at the absence of her mouth against mine, but then realised her motif as her lips closed around her tongue to lap up the cookie dough that I remembered must have still been evident on my face.

She returned her face to hover above me, grinning when she saw the effect she'd had upon me. I silently cursed my pathetic self_._ I was fighting hard to control my breathing – but this was a battle I was steadily losing whilst she continued to straddle me. I drew my gaze away from her direction as she unlocked her fingers from their connection to mine, but whipped it back as she brushed her fingers softly against the skin of my temple and through my hair, twisting a strand tenderly between her fingers. My breathing threatened to increase once again as I noticed her eyes flicker to my lips briefly, but it pretty much stopped altogether as she lowered her mouth to a mere few millimetres away from my own.

"We need to get those cookies in the oven."

* * *

**Authors Note: **Apologies for the slow update and apologies in advance for the even slower update that you should expect for the next chapter. I'm working a lot over the next 5 days and won't have a chance to write anything substantial for almost a week. Saying that, I might end up writing like crazy at 3am one night (like I did last night to write this chapter) and you may get an update sooner rather than later! Anyway, hopefully this rather long chapter makes up for my slacking.

Again, thank you kindly for the heart warming reviews, they brighten up my day.

Also, I must add, Jena Malone actually physically tweeted me before. I feel like I need to share that considering most of you readers I presume are hardcore Jena fans? So yeah, don't worry, you can all come to the wedding.


	12. Chapter 12

There was something disturbingly beautiful about the forest at sunrise. The way the endless blanket of emptiness, which had been the dark of the night sky, was overcome by bright streaks of red, pink and orange. The sun itself was like a newborn child, peaking from the horizon, beginning to warm the bitterness of the night air. Its rays dappled through the trees and penetrated even the deepest parts of the forest. The trees stood utterly still, like beautiful paintings in an art gallery where no leaf even dared to fall. At first I felt like a trespasser. My footsteps disturbing the calm. Each thud unsettling the serene of my surroundings. But soon they became nothing more than a light shuffle, hidden by the chattering of squirrels, the growing hum of insects and the song of the bird. The sounds started off near silent, faint and hidden behind the trees. But they soon began to build as the creatures of the woodland gradually awoke, their symphony almost welcoming me into their habitat and inviting me to continue further within. I ventured to my usual spot and seeing as for once there was no weapon on my back, I sloped down against the bark of the biggest Oak tree and sat with my legs stretched out. I ran my fingers across the ground, feeling the tickle of the soft grass against my skin, leaning my head back as the tenderness of the almost inexistent breeze brushed against my cheek. I'd spent most of my lifetime out in the forest, back at home in District Twelve and in the games. But I'd never been able to really appreciate its beauty. Today, I wasn't here to hunt or be hunted. I was here simply because I chose to be.

I exhaled a sigh of contentment, enjoying the release which being out in the woods gave me. I'd woken up at the crack of dawn, completely shaken from a nightmare. It was a new dream, one which I hadn't had before. I was chained, hands and feet, to the corner of a dark room. The lights flickered on and I'd realised I wasn't alone. She was dripping wet from head to toe, sprawled out on the ground, jolting, unable to stand as the shocks shot through her. She didn't speak, there were no cries for help. Well, not from her anyway.I'd screamed her name countless times, but she couldn't hear me. It was almost like the jabberjay section of the Quell, with an invisible wall between us, blocking out the sound and preventing her from escaping to me. But, this time it was more than that, it was as if I wasn't really there. I wasn't there when Johanna needed me.

Once I'd managed to escape the nightmare, I couldn't get back to sleep. My heartbeat was far too erratic and numerous strands of my long brown hair were stuck to my face with sweat, it had taken me a moment to realise the dream wasn't real. I'd thrown on some clothes and silently left the cabin, bravely stealing a cookie from the side as I did so. Johanna had probably counted them. But once I'd smelt them, this was a risk I was willing to take.

We'd stayed up pretty late the night before. Once we'd finished off baking the cookies and tidying up the mess we'd made, we'd sat up talking until just before midnight. I'd told Johanna all about how my Mother and Father had met, and all about what it was like growing up in twelve with Prim and becoming friends with Gale. We'd spoken about how we learnt to use our weapons and how although we never thought we'd actually have to use them on other people, our skills ended up saving both of our lives. She'd told me about her parents and her brothers and about life in seven. She actually opened up about the day she'd lost them as well, tears filling both of our eyes as she confessed blaming herself for their deaths - an ongoing torture I made her promise to stop putting herself through. I promised her that the only person responsible was Snow. I'd also spoken about the day my Dad died and explained how it was kind of like we lost my Mom as well. Johanna of all people of course understood what it was like to lose the people you care about, so talking to her actually helped me in ways I hadn't even realised I needed. She definitely wouldn't admit it, but I think she found comfort in talking to me too.

As much as the other girl had protested, after a couple of hours she couldn't stifle her yawns and so I'd insisted we went up to bed. Providing she's nightmare free, I assume Johanna will be flat out until around lunch time, her love for her time in bed equalling my love for time in the forest.

Now that Johanna seemed to be making progress and I felt confident leaving her alone, for the first time in a while I could finally be completely by myself for a while. I walked peacefully through the trees, inhaling the woody air and the scent of fresh grass as my mind replayed the past few weeks of my life and tried to make sense of everything that had whizzed by. Up until now, I hadn't really given myself a moment to think. I realised that I'd been so busy, with recovering and training and then with settling in with Johanna, that I hadn't had a chance to see my family properly. I missed Prim's long, insanely soft, blonde hair. I missed her little duck tail that she always forgot to tuck into her skirt and the small grin that would follow when I would remind her. I hadn't really had a chance to tell her how proud I was of her, for the young woman she was becoming, but I think she knew. Back when I'd volunteered in place for her entering the games, she was just so tiny and unbelievably delicate, a virgin to the terror of President Snow's world. But after everything that's been thrown at her she's grown so much, I could see it, and she had my fight. At least now, I felt at peace leaving her alone with my Mom. Since entering the games my first time, my Mom had no choice but to shake herself out of the daze she'd been in since we lost my Father. I was proud of her too, for how much she'd improved. They make a remarkable team now with their healing hands and equally incredible caring hearts. Prim's level head, much wiser than her young years and her ability to look into this confusing mess of a life and see things for what they truly are is what helped our Mom get through this. Time and tragedy had forced her to grow so quickly, _too_ quickly, but she'd handled everything so well.

As the twilight sky had turned into noon and the sun shone progressively brighter by the hour, the forest continued to come alive around me. The wind now whispered through the leaves, almost murmuring a lullaby, reassuring me that the nightmares that Snow and the Capitol had forced upon us were coming to an end. The birds sang in unison, a chorus of joy, encouraging the positivity that I promised myself to have, for the Districts, for Prim, for Johanna.

_Johanna._

Despite everything that I'd been forced to face, Johanna was still what puzzled me the most. The looks we shared, the connection we shared, the kiss we had shared. The way the lightest brushing of her skin against mine could send a thousand fireworks through my body. It confused me why there had been so many times I had _wanted_ to touch her; times I had _wanted_ her to touch me. I fluttered my eyelids shut as I imagined her lips against my skin. Not just against my lips but against my neck, my collarbones, even lower. But why were these thoughts even entering my head anyway? Was it just because of what we'd been through together? I'd never felt like this about Peeta, though. But then again, I think just one look at Johanna could send anybody head over heels. She radiates sexuality and she knows it, she embraces it and she uses it well. She's so beautiful I'm pretty sure she could make just about anyone fall in love with her. But, I'd learnt that thinking about her, about _us_, and trying to figure out this thing myself did nothing but confuse me further. I guess I had no choice but to stick around and see what happened. We were friends after all and I had a duty to be there for her from now on, no matter how much being around her made me pretty much weak at the knees.

...

It was around 6 o'clock that evening when there was a knock at the door.

"Katniss, can you get that?"Johanna turned to me and smiled from her position next to the stove. She'd been busy for the past hour or so preparing a soup for our guests and would bark at me anytime I even attempted to help her, slapping my hand away if I so much as stirred the contents of the pan.

We'd both made a bit of an effort with our appearance tonight, seeing as this was the first time in a while that we'd be around people apart than each other. Johanna was wearing a lose fitting maroon coloured t shirt, with tiny tight black shorts and black tights. Her hair was down and tousled as usual, with minimal makeup but of course a thick layer of black eyeliner coated her lash line. She looked gorgeous. I was wearing a tight grey tank top with black jeans and a lose black cardigan, my hair in a ponytail with my fringe tucked behind my ear. I wasn't wearing any makeup, it reminded me too much of the Capitol.

"Wait, come here first." I stood from my chair and walked over to her. She held out a mouthful of the soup for me to try, looking at me expectantly as she spoon fed me, "What do you think?"

"I can't believe you're letting me have a say in anything to do with that stupid soup." I teased. Although I had to admit, she definitely knew how to cook. My taste buds were singing her praises.

"I guess I just wanted you to compliment me," She winked and placed the spoon in the sink. "So what's the verdict?"

"Beautiful." She flicked her eyes back towards me, a slightly confused look in them at my strange choice of response. But the confusion disappeared and turned into an expression I'd not seen her wear before when I continued, "The soup isn't too bad either."

I managed to smile somewhat confidently before I turned and scurried to the door. I didn't know where that had come from, but it felt ridiculous to not tell her how incredible she looked. So considering my pretty good mood, I'd gone for it.

I couldn't stop the huge grin which forced itself onto my lips when I opened the door and saw Haymitch smiling back at me, "Evening, sweetheart!" His face was beaming as though he'd never been so happy to see me, kind of like when I saw him again after somehow making it out of my first games. I wrapped my arms around him and found a strange comfort in the familiar smell of the residual alcohol that filled my nostrils; it was reassuring to know he hadn't changed. And despite the drinking, he looked to be in really good health. I ripped myself from my mentor's embrace and turned to the small red haired girl next to him, offering her a smile as well. She was so painfully shy that a slight blush crept across her cheeks before I'd even spoken. She looked really well too; her skin was almost glowing actually, although there was a faraway look in her eyes. I reminded myself of what she'd been through, witnessing the fellow tribute from her district being beheaded during her games and then of course being held captive herself by the Capitol. And now her fiancé was off fighting for the rebellion in the Capitol. She must be worried sick, the poor girl.

"Hello, Annie." I stepped forward and gave her a quick embrace, the sweet scent of lavender now replacing the previous smell of harsh liquor. I pulled away and she handed me a bottle of wine with a sheepish but genuinely warm smile, "Thank you, Annie." I switched my gaze to Haymitch, "And what did you bring?" I enquired, jokily. He reached into his coat pocket and retrieved his hip flask, winking and taking a swig as I rolled my eyes.

They followed me into the kitchen where I placed the bottle in the middle of the table. Johanna had laid it as though we had royalty coming for dinner. There was a white tablecloth laced with small threaded blue flowers which I didn't even know we had, leather placemats and posh silver cutlery. Each place had a large wine glass and a napkin, too. She turned around from the stove and I noticed her cheeks were ever so slightly flushed. Had I made Johanna Mason blush? I smirked at the thought of it, but she didn't seem to notice as she came straight over to Annie, who spoke for the first time.

"It's so good to see you, Jo. It's been quiet in thirteen without you." I noticed a flash of guilt enter Johanna's eyes. I know she felt like she should be looking after Annie, for Finnick. But she needed to focus on herself for a while before she started to think about anybody else. I know Finnick would have asked Haymitch to keep an eye on his fiancé anyway, so I'm sure the red head was doing okay. Besides, Finnick would be back before we know it.

Annie wrapped her arms around Johanna, her eyes sparkling with the comfort of seeing Finnick's friend. Johanna hugged the small girl tightly for a moment, before pulling away and quickly throwing a half-nod half-smile in my mentor's direction, "Johanna." He returned the look, and then winked. I couldn't help but grimace as she teased back, biting against her bottom lip and raising her eyebrows playfully. Sometimes she was too sexual for her own good. We caught each other's gaze for a moment and I think she noticed my discomfort. She stopped flirting and whipped her gaze back to the girl in front of her.

"How've you been? I've missed you, Annie." It was sweet how much Johanna seemed to genuinely care about the girl. In the arena she'd just seemed to get annoyed by Wiress, so much so to the point she physically couldn't be around her. Annie obviously didn't act the way that Wiress had acted, but they shared similarities in that they both weren't completely there in the head. They'd both been too affected. I think back around the time of the Quell I'd judged Johanna too quickly. I mean my first impression of her was... overwhelming, to say the least. And our next few meetings didn't exactly inspire me to become the best of friends with her. But I think the whole time I was almost forcing myself to hate her, partly because of the way she made me feel. I remember wanting so _desperately_ to hate her.

I know it sounds ridiculous, but I couldn't help being a little jealous of the attention Johanna was giving to Annie and almost as if he'd read my mind, Haymitch gestured for the pair of us to leave the other two to catch up.

"How's Prim and my Mom?"

"They're fine, sweetheart. They miss you, but they're so proud of what you're doing for Johanna."

"How are the squad doing in the Capitol?" We each sat down on one of the chairs in the living room as I looked at him hopefully. He took a long swig of his liquor and raised the flask in offering. I shook my head.

"Pretty damn well. An old acquaintance of Plutarch, a shopkeeper from the Capitol, is hiding them. Tigris her name is. Lovely lady." He took another swig from his flask. "Snow thinks they're dead." He chuckled as I raised my eyebrows in confusion. "So they have a huge advantage anyway. I'd say it'll take another four or five days."

"So you think they can do it? You actually think we can put an end to all of this?"

"You know what Katniss, I'd bet my life on it." A huge sense of relief washed over me on hearing his confidence. And it wasn't just words; I could see the belief in his eyes. My stomach felt warm at the idea of no child ever having to spend their year living in fear of the reaping and then being ripped from their families and taken to fight in a blood thirsty arena. It was absolutely disgusting. And Prim, she could grow up without that fear and without the oppression of the Capitol. She could become a doctor and do anything she wanted to do. That was all I'd ever wanted for my sister. Freedom. Then there was Finnick. The idea of him returning home and marrying Annie, then never having to leave her side again made my chest warm. They deserved to be happy together. And, Johanna. She's been through so much. More than most people evem know. She wouldn't have to worry about who she was going to lose next. And maybe, just maybe, I'd be able to help her get past everything Snow has put her through. Maybe her physical scars were permanent, but I was determined that her mental scars would fade. Haymitch spoke again, "How's Johanna?"

"She's okay, yeah. She's good." I replied. I avoided his gaze for a while, flashing back to our conversation at Johanna's hospital bedside and Haymitch's ability to almost read my mind. When I eventually looked up I met his smirk and immediately felt a heat spread across my cheeks. Luckily, he didn't question about her any further.

"And how're you, Katniss? Are you doing okay?"

I smiled genuinely back at him and nodded. My mood now as high as my hopes.

...

"That was really lovely, Jo. Thank you." Annie complimented as she finished her soup. She was the last one to finish. "You haven't opened the wine I brought though. Please, help yourself." She was so sweet I couldn't help but smile around her, no wonder Johanna cared about her so much.

"It's my pleasure Annie, really." She lent to get the bottle of wine, "Does everyone wasn't a glass?"

"I do." Haymitch didn't wait even a second for Johanna to pour him any before he grabbed the bottle from her and nearly overflowed his glass, splashing red stains all over the fresh white tablecloth as he did so. Annie, who was sat next to him giggled and retrieved the bottle, handing it back to Johanna, "I don't want any, thank you."

Johanna poured herself a small glass and then looked at me; I nodded in approval for her to pour a glass for me.

"Thanks, Jo." I bit my lip to suppress a giggle as I called her by Annie's adorable nickname. She glared back at me; I assume it was only okay for Annie to call her that.

"Shut up." She muttered, stifling a smirk.

"Make me." I bounced back, louder. I think subconsciously after my morning spent thinking things over out in the woods, I'd realised I needed to try and stop giving her all of the power. I began twirling a piece of hair around my finger casually as she locked her eyes with mine. I refused to tear my gaze away before she did, but apparently she had the same idea in mind. Her huge brown eyes bore into my grey ones allowing me to see every bit of emotion that she was feeling at that moment. But strangely, where I expected to see anger, or humour, I'm sure I could see desire. And I'm more than certain that's what she saw back.

After a few long moments Haymitch cleared his throat loudly. We broke away on remembering there were other people in the room, Haymitch wasn't even attempting to hide his smug grin. He raised his eyebrows to me suggestively as he swigged down his wine, switching his stare from me to Johanna. That was his way of saying he hadn't forgotten about his suspicions, and we'd basically just confirmed them for him.

Luckily Johanna broke the silence and looked at Annie.

"Are you sure you don't want a glass? Haymitch will drink the rest if you aren't quick." He shot her a look but she gave him one straight back.

"Yes. I'm not really drinking at the moment." She looked down, unable to meet Johanna's gaze from across the table. Johanna looked at Haymitch who shrugged. He looked just as confused as she did.

"What do you mean you aren't drinking?"

"Finnick, he, he doesn't know yet. I couldn't tell him." Annie sighed, exhaling a shaky breath before she looked up at us. "Not right before he was going away." She looked absolutely terrified as she spoke. "I didn't want him to have to worry about me anymore than usual. So I was too scared to tell him." Before she could ramble anymore, Johanna thumped her hands down against the table, unable to contain the excitement that was building inside her.

"Oh my god. OH MY GOD!" She was practically squealing, "You're pregnant?" Annie was now a mix between slightly petrified and completely relieved at finally being able to tell somebody.

She nodded sheepishly, "I'm pregnant."

...

Once Haymitch and Annie had left later on that night, I'd helped Johanna to tidy up and then we'd gone upstairs to change into our pyjamas. It had been so good to see Haymitch, and Annie's news was incredible. I was so happy for her and Finnick; he'd be the happiest man in Panem when he found out. Johanna literally hadn't stopped talking about baby names and how the baby would call her _Auntie Johanna,_ and she could teach him or her how to hunt, for the entire time we were tidying up. So I knew how excited she was, and that made me happy. I was changed first so I went back down and made us a drink of hot cocoa each.

"Johanna, can I come in?" I spoke softly as I knocked on her bedroom door.

"Sure."

I opened the door and found her sat cross legged on the bed wearing a baggy t shirt and panties, her hair in a ponytail. The room was lit by a small lamp on her bedside table.

"I made us some cocoa."

Her eyes lit up as she saw the mugs and she knelt forward to take one from me. I tried my hardest to look away as her naked legs moved even closer to me, but my hardest didn't seem to be good enough. I was basically staring. She didn't seem to notice though and patted the space on her bed beside her, gesturing for me to sit there.

We sat for about 10 minutes or so, sipping our drinks and talking about the night we'd spent with our guests and the news they'd told us.

"It was good to see some other people." Johanna remarked as she put down her empty mug on the bedside table.

"I'm sorry I'm such bad company." I replied, somewhat offended. She grabbed my mug from me and placed it down beside hers.

"No I obviously didn't mean it like that, brainless."

"Well how else did you mean it?"

"I mean, it was nice that we got to see some of our friends for a few hours. But then it's nice that they leave, and I get to stay here. You know... just me and you." I simply nod in response. Partly because I'm unsure how to reply and partly because it feels like I have hundreds of butterflies whizzing around in my stomach. Luckily, she continued speaking instead.

"I never thought I'd say this. But, I like spending time with you Katniss. Me and you, I think we're good for each other."

Again I nod, "I do too."

We looked at each other for a few seconds before I finally couldn't take the weird tension in the room. I can't tell whether it's sexual or just awkward, or maybe it's even just a comfortable silence, but I stood up anyway.

"I'm going to bed. Goodnight, Johanna. " I offered her a weak smile and walked around the bed to leave when she failed to respond. But just as I reached the handle of the door I felt her hand on my wrist.

I turned around to speak, but before I could even open my mouth she'd pressed her lips full against mine. I shuddered as her hands grazed the skin of my hips and her tongue swiped at my lower lip, immediately asking for entry. Of course I comply, opening my mouth slightly and darting my own tongue around hers almost revealing how much I've wanted to do this for a long time. I couldn't help but let out a stifled moan as she pushed me hard against the door, her short nails gripping onto my waist, scratching from my back then round to my stomach and slowly working their way down my front as we continued to crash our mouths against each other hungrily. I gripped one hand against the back of her neck and used my other to dip beneath her t shirt and hold onto the skin of her hips, pulling her body into mine. She whimpered as my thigh pressed against her panties, only the slightest amount of material blocking the contact she seemed to be craving. That noise was like music to my ears. _So fucking sexy_. She pushed herself against me, thirsty for the friction against her centre. She was whimpering at a more frequent pace now, louder as well. I nearly screamed out a moan myself as she breathed into my ear and dragged her wet lips to nibble at my earlobe. I moved both of my hands to her back and grabbed at the top of her panties, pulling her towards me and effectively grinding her down against my thigh. Her breathing became heavier once again and she moved her lips to my neck, nipping and sucking at my most sensitive area before returning her lips to mine.

"Johanna."

She kissed me so intensely I couldn't help but breathe out her name between kisses. I felt her smile into my mouth as she grabbed both of my hands with hers, entwining our fingers and successfully pinning them above my head. Her mouth now began to move more gently against mine, slower too. She stopped kissing me for a moment and simply hovered her face in front of mine. I opened my eyes in confusion and let myself catch my breath, my hands still pinned above me. We looked at each other for a moment and I swear, despite the thousands of Capitol puppets who idolised and adored me, despite Gale who had loved me for longer than I'd even known most people, and despite Peeta who had volunteered himself into the Quell just to protect me, in that moment Johanna looked at me with more meaning than I had ever been looked at with before. She looked at me like I was the most incredible thing she'd ever seen. I leaned forward to capture her lips in another kiss and she dropped my hands so she could use her own to cup my face. She started to kiss me much slower, each movement of her tongue against mine almost telling me the words she'd never managed to say. A kiss so intensely passionate that it spoke the conversation we'd never had. She lingered as she gave me one final close mouthed kiss before finally pulling herself away from me and looking into my eyes.

"Goodnight, Katniss."

* * *

**Authors Note: **Ok so it's 4:30am and I'm at my staying at my Nan's house (I introduced her to Catching Fire and the special features tonight) but I felt like I seriously needed to update, so I've literally just written this entire thing. I'm really sorry if it's awful but I knew I needed to update asap! Hopefully this chapter's alright though and I'm pretty sure my next chapter will be up much quicker. I think I basically know where I'm taking this story now, and there's still quite a bit to go, so stick with me!

Thank you guys so much for the continued reviews, seriously. if I could personally give you all a hug then I most certainly would :)

As I said, it's 4:30am so oh my god I really need to get some sleep and stop rambling.


	13. Chapter 13

I stepped silently through the forest, my eyes locked on a deer grazing just a couple of dozen feet away, oblivious to my presence. I wasn't exactly a qualified hunter, but Gale and I had been forced to teach ourselves the basics from a young age. It was either that or our families would starve. I'd gotten to be reasonably good pretty quickly, my talent with a bow coming naturally to me and only improving with the more experience I came to have. I was nimble enough on my feet, I could easily calculate the direction and force of the wind and I was known for hitting my target right in the eye every time. Being inside the arena had of course helped me progress further in skill, but the games had taught me more about avoiding being hunted myself as opposed to helping my expertise as a hunter. Today however, I was off my game.

I'd determined every factor wholly. The wind was just right. I was a perfect distance from my target. I knew the amount of draw I'd need to hit it with enough force to kill it. And there were no other animals around to startle my victim. On any other day, this would have been a flawless kill. However, on any other day, I wouldn't have the taste of Johanna Mason lingering on my tongue. I wouldn't have the whispering of her breath replaying down my ear. I wouldn't have the memory of her centre pressed hungrily against my thigh. And, I wouldn't have the intensity, the desire, the emotion of her stare embedded into my pupils.

I took a breath as I drew an arrow back, poised, ready to let it fly. At that same moment my victim just so happened to tilt it's head slightly, obliviously slanting into the most perfect angle for me to shoot, practically begging me to release the weapon from my grip, inviting me to end the beating of its heart. It was almost making this_ too_ easy. But just as I complied, my eyes wavered shut, remembering how I'd felt when Johanna had grabbed my wrist. Remembering the electricity which had shot through my body before I'd even had the chance to turn around. It wasn't anything like the shocks which Johanna had faced in the Capitol; this electricity was the good kind. The kind that made you question whether you'd found something you hadn't even realised you'd been missing in your life. I shuddered at the reminiscence of her skin against mine and watched helplessly as my arrow sliced powerfully yet gracefully through the air, before shooting clean straight past the nose of the deer. I groused and kicked the ground beneath me as the game scurried off and out of sight before I could even grab another arrow.

"Nice going, brainless." I muttered under my breath, mocking the impact that Johanna was having over me. The way she was almost implanted into my veins now, following my every move. Tainting the ease I'd always felt in my perfectly reasonable existence and forcing me to now, almost _long_ for her presence in my life. It was as if she was almost becoming one of my basic needs for survival.

I mean, _that kiss. _That kiss was completely above and beyond anything I'd ever experienced before. It had made me feel things I had no idea the human body could feel. Nothing I could have ever even dreamed of feeling from Peeta, or from Gale. It was quite laughable really. The difference between kissing Johanna and kissing either of the boys I'd been with in that way. The sensations that her body had caused upon mine had kept me up for half of the night and I'd woken up flustered and frivolous when the sun shone through the curtains this morning. That kiss was still making me feel those things even now, twelve hours later. I was completely and utterly, fucked.

I wandered back the long way to the cabin, eager to postpone seeing Johanna for as long as I could. I seemed to be making a habit of kissing her and then avoiding her the next day. But the difference this time was she couldn't blame her actions on being crazy drunk, and neither could I. I guess technically she could claim the kiss to have been another _bit of fun_, but there was no way in hell I was going to believe that this time. Not after the way she looked at me. And not after the way she'd held my face as if she never wanted to let go. At least last night had been instigated by the other woman and so I knew she'd kissed me out of choice and not force. A scenario I had found myself questioning after the engagement party. We'd both had a small glass of wine, enough to help muster up a little extra confidence than usual, but the hot cocoa and the time that had passed since we'd drank it meant the effects were at an absolute minimum.

As I stepped out from under the last canopy of trees and saw the cabin up ahead, I was more than tempted to turn right back around and stay out for another couple of hours. I looked up at the partly clouded sky and could see from the position of the sun that it was around about midday, so there was a chance Johanna would still be asleep. But, I knew I should face her sooner rather than later and see how things panned out between the two of us. My stomach was in knots and I could feel a light coating of sweat on the palm of my hands as I turned the handle of the door. I had no idea what to expect, but if it was anything like last time I'm sure her words were going to cut like a knife. Only this time it was going to be much harder for me to put behind me and move on as though nothing had happened.

I opened the door, stepped in, closed it silently behind me, lent my back against it and took a deep breath, fluttering my eyelids shut as I did so.

"It's not like you to come back empty handed." I physically jumped at the unexpected sound of Johanna's voice and turned to see her sat on the couch smirking back at me.

"Johanna." I managed to spit out as I stepped forward from my stance against the door, "I didn't see you there."

"No shit, brainless." She raised her eyebrow, a sinister smile faint across her lips. I'm pretty sure I was blushing at how ridiculously flustered I must have looked, and by the look on her face I'm pretty sure she was loving it. An awkward silence passed over us for a moment, before Johanna reiterated her previous comment. "So where's your catch?"

"Um, I didn't really go out to hunt." Johanna frowned with confusion as her eyes flickered to the bow on my back. I was definitely blushing now. Our eyes made contact for what seemed like eternity, before I ripped my gaze away and scuttled into the kitchen to compose myself. "Do you want tea?" I filled the kettle with water and grabbed a couple of mugs before she'd even answered, doing whatever I could to keep myself busy and avoid another silence.

I tensed slightly as I felt her presence behind me, but turned around as casually as possible and leant against the counter with a mug in each of my hands. Johanna was now standing just slightly in front of me, leaning against the table with her arms folded in front of her. I dropped my eyes down the length of her body, taking in her appearance for the first time today. She was wearing a tight grey tank top with black jeans, her hair in a messy ponytail. Even now, she managed to take my breath away.

"So are we just going to ignore the elephant in the room?"

"What?" My stomach flipped nervously as Johanna so confidently addressed the conversation I'd been dreading. I guess this was it, the moment of truth.

"You heard me. Are you going to act like last night didn't happen?"

"Like you did last time we kissed?" I spat my response out in such a bitter tone, surprising myself just as much as I'd clearly surprised Johanna. Her eyebrows raised and a look of annoyance came over her features. Her arms stayed crossed in front of her.

"You're joking, right?"

"Not at all." I placed the mugs on the kitchen counter before turning back around and meeting Johanna's scowling stare. "You made out it was nothing but a drunken mistake."

"And how exactly did I give you that impression?" I couldn't help the flutter in my stomach as her words implied she'd perhaps felt differently than I'd thought. But, still, she hadn't exactly spelt out her real feelings in black and white, so I don't know how she expected me to read her mind. I crossed my arms, mirroring her image in front of me.

_"Katniss, it was a bit of fun."_ I mocked.

The glare on her face deepened and she unfolded her arms, her fists clenching slightly as she looked down and took what I'm sure was a shaky breath. "Are you really that much of a brainless idiot?" Her gaze shot up as she barked out her words. Her darker than usual pupils threatened to burn right through me. I bit against the inside of my cheek before opening my mouth to speak but she cut me off, her voice now louder than before. "What did you expect me to do, Katniss? Run straight into your arms after you'd fucked off for the entire next day? Kiss you and tell you how fucking amazing it had felt to kiss you, how the touch of your lips against mine and the sensation of your fingers against the back of my neck had made me weak? How the feeling of your body pressing into me had basically paralysed me with the embarrassing amount of satisfaction that I _finally_ knew what it felt like to _feel _Katniss Everdeen?" A look of sadness replaced the anger in her eyes. "Did you want me to explain to you how worthless you made me feel? How much you fucking destroyed me by leaving me that night, and not even being there when I woke up the next morning?" She shrieked out a harsh laugh at her own expense, her face now only centimetres away from mine. "I fucking gave you everything I could that night, Katniss. I kissed you with everything I had. I felt so ready to give myself to you like that, for the first time since I'd had sex with anyone that meant anything to me since Ava." Her expression softened for a moment and her eyes became distant, before she quickly snapped back. I frowned slightly with confusion at the mention of someone who I'd never heard of before, but I realised what she was trying to say. "And then you just fucking stood up and left. You left me half naked on my bed. Like it was no big deal. Like that kiss was a fucking joke to you. Do you not understand how much that hurt me, Katniss?" Her eyes continued to burn into mine. "I suppose you're just used to stringing people along and dropping them whenever you decide you've had enough, aren't you?"

I was completely at a loss for words. My heart palpitating faster than ever before and my head spinning so much I could barely keep my focus on Johanna, whose eyes were now clouded with an unhealthy mixture of anger and pain.

"I didn't want to lose you, okay? I guess, I, I got scared. I was scared that this thing meant more to me than it did to you, and that if we made a big deal out of that night then I might lose you completely. So, that's why I said it was nothing but a bit of fun, because in all fucking honesty it was the complete opposite for me. It made me realise how well and truly fucked I was."

I blinked back the tears that threatened to fall and cleared my throat. So many thoughts and feelings were racing around my head I just didn't even know how I could begin to respond. No other reply seemed appropriate, so I closed the gap between us and kissed her. It was a short but chaste kiss, my tongue leaving my mouth only for a second to brush against her lower lip. But this kiss held more meaning than any kiss we'd ever shared before. I think it spoke my response for me. I pulled away and fluttered my eyelids shut in reaction to Johanna raising her hand gently to my cheek, her thumb drawing circles just below my temple.

"I'm sorry." I barely choked out in a whisper. "I promise; I didn't leave because I didn't feel the same way as you. I stopped because I was scared that it would mean more to me than it would to you." Johanna nodded softly. "Johanna I've never been with anyone, like _that_. Ever. So I didn't want it to be a drunken, one time mistake for you, when for me it was going to be so much more." A faint smile spread across her pink lips and she pulled me back into another kiss. Her tongue delicately requesting for entry into my mouth, which I granted immediately as I wrapped my arms around her waist. That familiar warmth spread fluidly through my body, from the tips of my fingers to the very end of my toes. I couldn't help but smile against her mouth. After a few moments she ended the kiss, keeping her arms laced around my neck as she wearily looked into my eyes. "It's okay, Katniss. I understand."

Her brown orbs glistened back at me when she saw how intently I was looking back at her, not an ounce of regret or apprehension evident on my expression. I grinned mischievously and brought my hands to rest on her hips, hooking my index finger through the belt loop of her jeans.

"Finnick was telling the truth then, you are crazy about me." I teased lightly, pulling her slightly closer towards me.

Her smile dropped and the glisten in her eyes was replaced as she seemed taken aback by my words. She dropped her hands from their position around my neck and pushed herself free from my grip. "What did you just say?"

I leant forward and laced my hand through hers, "Hey, whoa, don't be like that! He was telling me to try and help us, because I was confused. He was being a good friend to you."

"Oh right. So humiliating me, making me look pathetic. That's him being a good friend?" She ripped her hand from my grip, "The things I told Finnick, I told him in confidence because I thought I could trust him... How fucking stupid of me." She sniggered and paced away from the kitchen, "When exactly did he decide to tell you how _crazy_ I am about you then? How long have you been laughing at me for?"

I frowned at her overreaction, "Johanna, don't be ridiculous. I've never once thought of you as pathetic, and you _can_ trust him."

"When did he tell you?"

"He was reassuring me I'd made the right decision to stay with you. He just mentioned it, the day they left for the Capitol."

Johanna scoffed and pouted her lips sinisterly, "Aw, I'm sorry it was such a tough decision to stay here with me." She reminded me of Clove in my first games, during the feast at the Cornucopia. The way she'd tilted her head and pouted, mocking Rue's death. Obviously the circumstances were entirely different, but this similarity proved how seriously pissed off Johanna was right now. "I did tell you not to bother."

"Don't be like that." I pleaded.

"So, what exactly did Finnick tell you then?"

"Johanna honestly it's not a big deal! Please, can we just forget it?"

She snapped back at me, her hands coming up to rest on her hips. "What exactly did he say?"

"Nothing much." I took a few steps closer towards her and sighed, "He just mentioned something about you finding me attractive. Then he told me that since we'd been spending time together and really gotten to know each other..." I paused and looked at her with a soft expression, "I drive you crazy."

"Well isn't that a delight. You and Finnick. Best buddies. Sharing secrets and laughing at me behind my back." She cackled and ran her fingers through her hair roughly, before grabbing her jacket which was sprawled across the couch and throwing it over her shoulder.

"You're being absolutely ridiculous. Nobody was laughing at you. I apologised to Finnick for not going with them to the Capitol, I didn't want them to think I was just sending them to do the dirty work whilst I stayed here and expected all of the praise." I paced forward and closed the gap between us. I could feel the heat radiating from her body. "I tried to explain my reasoning for staying here with you, but I physically couldn't find the right words to explain because I didn't understand the reasons myself. I think Finnick realised what was going on in my head, and so that's why he said what he said. I didn't take what he'd said as fact though, I couldn't believe there was a possibility you felt the same way as me. I mean, _you're Johanna Mason_ and I'm just _me_."

The expression on the other girl softened for a few beats before she whispered, "Do you understand how_ betrayed_ I feel?" I gulped hard on realising the mistake I'd made by telling her. Finnick knew her better than anyone; he'd made me promise not to tell Johanna for a reason. He knew this is how she would react. She felt liked I'd spent the last few days smugly relishing on her friends revelation, laughing at her oblivion to my knowledge. She basically felt like I'd been lying to her. Once again, I'd made her feel weak.

"Please let's just forget I said anything, his words made no difference to how I felt, to how I feel, towards you. I don't want to ruin today." Our eyes locked painfully as I pleaded my words. Her eyes looked torn between two emotions.

"Yeah, well, you should have thought about that before you mocked how I felt about you." With that she threw her jacket on, stormed out of the house and headed into the woods, not looking back even for a second. My eyes stung with the tears that threatened to fall, and my chest stung even worse at the past tense of her words. I'd effectively made Johanna feel weak and pathetic on a number of occasions now and maybe this time I'd pushed her just that little bit too far.

...

It had been six long hours since Johanna had left and there was still absolutely no sign of her. I'd been out into the woods searching for her for half of the afternoon, but I'd had no luck. I knew she was capable of looking after herself but I couldn't help but worry, especially seen as she hadn't taken her axe and I had no idea where on earth she was. I decided if she wasn't back after I'd eaten dinner then I'd ring Haymitch and see if she was in District Thirteen. That was the only other place she could have gone.

I sat at the table picking at a small meal and staring at the empty seat across from me. The cabin was horribly quiet without Johanna. Even when we'd sit in silence on opposite couches, it was comforting just knowing she was there. I couldn't shake the awful feeling of anxiety which had made its home in the pit of my stomach. What if this was it? What if I'd managed to ruin things with Johanna before they'd even began? It was surprisingly incredible that all this time she'd felt the same way about me, if only I'd have been brave enough to act on my feelings, maybe things would have been completely different for us. Although, I was shocked that Johanna had waited so long to make the first move. Her usually overt personality hadn't really given anything away until the night before. Maybe I really did have a crazy effect on her. I sighed as the sky outside began to turn dark. I'd finished what I wanted of my meal and there was still no sign of her.

The phone rang several times before he answered.

"Haymitch, it's me."

"Katniss. To what do I owe the pleasure?" I hesitated; unsure of what exactly it was I was going to say. "Is everything okay?" I smiled slightly at Haymitch's concern. He might not show it most of the time, but he really does care about me.

"Yes. Well, no. I'm fine. It's Johanna." I couldn't help but stumble on my words, she'd been gone for hours and I was really starting to panic. "She left. And, I... I don't know where she is, Haymitch. It's getting really dark." My voice cracked in my throat.

"Whoa, whoa, sweetheart. She's here in Thirteen, with Annie." I exhaled a sigh of relief which I hadn't even known I was holding in. My mentor chuckled from the other end of the line. "I saw them walking together about an hour ago. I didn't realise you and her were having trouble in paradise, or else you know I would have rang." I rolled my eyes at Haymitch' assumption, even though he couldn't see. Half of the time, he seemed to know me better than I knew myself.

"Thank god."

"Do you want to talk about it?" He offered genuinely. "I'm all ears."

"No, honestly, there's nothing to talk about. We just had a bit of a... misunderstanding. Nothing major." I reassured him, although I questioned the truth in my own statement.

"Are you sure? I can come and stay the night if you don't want to be alone out there? I'll bring the liquor."

I chuckled at his suggestion. It seemed silly considering everything I'd faced in the past two years. I'm sure I could face a night alone. But if I'm honest, the thought of spending the night without Johanna being here, wasn't something I was looking forward to at all.

"No honestly, Haymitch. It's fine. But, thank you. I'll see you soon okay."

...

I sighed in pleasure as the hot water ran down the length of my back and the smooth of my breasts and stomach, manoeuvring my head carefully as to not wet my recently washed hair. I covered my body in soap and rubbed the mixture into a lather of bubbles, inhaling the scent of lemon which filled the hot air. I decided I would take a long shower and then get some sleep and head to Thirteen tomorrow morning. There was no way me and Johanna were leaving things how we'd left them before. We were worth more than that. I stood enjoying the comfort of the water as it attempted to wash away the feelings which had taken over my body, the feeling of emptiness which Johanna had left behind. After a long while I hopped out of the shower and wrapped a towel loosely around my body, untying the bobble from my hair and allowing my brunette locks to cascade around my shoulders freely. I brushed my teeth and moisturised my face before leaving the bathroom and walking across to my bedroom.

The room was completely in darkness apart from the two candles which burned intensely from either side of my bed, lighting the room ever so slightly so I could see where I was going. I stepped in and closed my door behind me; I'd turned off the fire and the other lights earlier, so the rest of the cabin was in complete darkness as well.

I moved away from the door and wrapped my towel off from around my body, bending down slightly to rub down my damp legs. I dragged the towel slowly up from the bottom of my calves to the top of my thighs, gradually straightening my body as I did so. Just as I dropped the towel and returned to an upright position, I felt the silk of another person's skin against mine as a pair of arms wrapped around my waist from behind. I tensed, but didn't jump or fright. I'd recognise those hands anywhere.

"Johanna." I whispered.

"Hey, you." She whispered into my neck softly. She brushed my hair around to my front, so the strands hung over my breasts. Her lips pressed along from the bottom of my neck to my shoulders, kissing my skin gently. It didn't faze me one bit that I was completely naked. It felt right that she was holding me at my most vulnerable.

"I was worried." I whispered back, genuine concern evident through my voice.

"I'm sorry." She spoke back, moving her mouth to the other side of my neck and causing a shiver to travel through my entire body.

"Mmm." I mumbled back, unable to form a coherent sentence as her lips travelled up to that spot beneath my ear, massaging my skin gently with the movement of her lips and occasional swipe of her tongue.

"Can I make it up to you?" She whispered huskily into my ear, causing another tremble to jolt straight through me and a loud sigh to leave my lips. I could feel a heat rush to my centre at the implications of her words. It didn't help that I could feel her hot breath against my earlobe as she nibbled gently, her hands drawing lazy circles against the skin of my hips. I leant my head into her kisses against my ear as the sensation became too much. I didn't even realise it, but I was rocking my body ever so slightly to move with the movements of her fingers against my skin. My naked backside pressing with every other motion into her centre.

"Katniss?" The heat between my legs deepened at the breathlessness of her words. She sounded so fucking sexy, and the feeling of her against my skin was threatening to send me over the edge already. Her fingers laced teasingly slowly up the length of my stomach before coming to a slight halt, causing a breath to escape from my throat. I felt Johanna smile into my neck as her lips placed wet kisses against my skin, before bringing her fingers upwards, to trace lightly over the skin of my breasts, avoiding the nub which I so desperately needed her to touch. I'd never let my guard down like this, I'd never been willing to let anybody in. But here and now I finally felt ready to give myself to someone in that way. I wanted so badly to give myself to Johanna.

"Tell me you want me."

Her thumbs pressed against the pad of my nipples.

"Fuck, I want you."

I surprise myself at the curse which breaks away from my lips, but then again, I'd never been in this situation before. I'd never felt such an intense heat through every inch of my body, especially lingering between my legs. I'd never wanted someone so badly that my skin felt as though it was on fire, burning with nothing but desire. My response wasn't what the other woman had expected either, because she let out a throaty moan and pulled my hips hard at her body, pressing my skin so close to hers that we were practically as one.

I gasped as Johanna whirled me around and threw me roughly against the wall, keeping one hand behind my head to cushion the impact and one hand at the small of my back for what I could only assume was her own pleasure. Our lips crashed together with more force than ever before and our tongues immediately fought for control, both as eager and full of passion as the other. I let out a loud groan of pleasure as she takes my lower lip between her teeth and bites hard, grinning a wicked smile as she drags my flesh firmly before letting go and pressing our lips together in another burning kiss. Her hands move to rub the nub of each breast as we continue to kiss; hot, wet, kisses that dance with such ease, almost like our tongues were choreographed to move together. I grind the lower half of my body against the other woman, desperate for friction in the place we both know she's working her way towards. I grab at the hem of her top, only breaking our kiss to pull it up and over her head before unclasping the bra from her back almost immediately after. Our lips meet again, a whimper leaving both of our throats at the feeling of her naked breasts pressed against mine. The feeling only leaves me wanting more. I want more of her skin against mine.

Johanna brings her hands to lace around my neck, pulling me deeper into the kiss as my fingers fumble about with the button of her jeans. After a moment I manage to release the button and unzip the zipper underneath, tugging desperately at the belt loops in hope of sliding the material from her legs entirely.

I gasp in pleasure as her hands grip firmly around the back of my thighs, lifting me up to wrap my legs around her waist before spinning around and tossing me onto the bed. I watch wide eyed as Johanna removes her jeans in a flash, before dragging her laced panties down the smooth of her legs almost painfully slowly. Watching me the entire time as my eyes followed the descent of her last remaining piece of material. For a moment she stands there with her gaze locked on my own naked body in front of her, as she lets my grey orbs explore every inch of her exposed skin. I see her mouth open to speak, but I cut her off, wanting to tell her first.

"You're beautiful, Johanna."

She bites at her lip, but differently this time. Almost a look of vulnerability etched across her face and it only makes me want her more. I tremble as the older woman climbs on top of me, straight away dipping her head down to capture the nub of my breast in her mouth. Her free hand drags along the skin of my side, scratching just slightly and contrasting with the gentle lapping of her tongue against my breast. She swaps her attention to the other breast and manoeuvres her legs to press her thigh firmly against my now dripping wet centre. I let out a moan at the contact where I so desperately need her most and buck my hips in rhythm against the friction. She brings her head up to hover above mine, our lips almost touching as she begins to rock her body, mirroring the movements of my hips against her. Both of our breathing begins to quicken in time with the grinding of our contact and I can't resist but to raise my own thigh to press against the other girls centre. She lets out a whimper as I do so, her face still hovering above mine, teasing me with how close our lips are but denying me with the contact we're both so eager to obtain.

"You're so wet, Katniss." She whispers throatily before closing the distance between our mouths and groaning into another searing kiss. I sigh back in pleasure, but the kiss is cut short as she drags her lips away from mine and works her way down my body. My skin is on fire with the prospect of what's about to come as she snakes her way past my breasts, only stopping to suck each nub briefly, just enough to cause a moan from my lips. She nips and sucks at the flesh of my stomach, raking her fingers along my sides causing me to tip back my head and arch my back, my fingers grasping at the headboard.

She positions herself between my legs and begins at the very bottom of my thigh. She kisses light, wet kisses against every inch of skin, ridiculously slowly, forcing murmurs of pleading to escape my lips. But this only makes her tease me slower. My hips continue to ride in a rhythm, almost begging for her tongue to travel up to my centre at a much quicker pace. I exhale as her lips remove themselves from the skin of my thigh, after making their way to the very top of my groin, my body anticipating the feeling of her tongue against me which is surely about to come. After a few moments, I feel her lips now at the very bottom of my other thigh, beginning to now work their way along every inch of flesh just as slowly. I cry out in what can now only be described as desperation as I realise I have to endure another few minutes of this amazing sensation against my thighs, but still not where I need her so badly. But, to my surprise, as her mouth stays in its position lacing wet kisses against me, I feel the pad of her thumb begin to rub circles against my nub, sending an indescribable jolt of pleasure through my entire body.

"Yes." I can't contain my noise as she continues to press against me, her tongue now getting closer and closer to meet with her thumb. My hips continue to buck in pleasure and the next thing I know both of her hands have gripped around the back of my thighs, her fingers pulling my hips in to meet with the heat of her tongue. I let out a loud, throaty groan as she laps at my folds, the tip of her tongue teasing along the sides of my entrance before swirling the very tip gently against my clit. I push myself up to lean on my elbows, watching as she continues to flick her tongue against my nub, rocking my hips against her contact. A wicked smile comes across her lips as my moans become louder and more frequent. She continues to lick and tease, seeming to savour every ounce of my essence, Johanna herself moaning into my folds. I throw my head back and thrust myself harder against her, but just when I begin to think I can't take it anymore she sucks hard on my core.

"Johanna," I cry out in pleasure. "Fuck, Johanna. Right there." I lace my fingers through her hair roughly, pulling her head towards me causing her to suckle on my clit with even more force. My stomach tightens as I feel an orgasm beginning to form, Johanna's name still falling from my lips in a constant, almost song of pleasure. Just as my orgasm begins to overtake me I feel her fingers fill me completely, drowning herself completely in my sex, her tongue still licking and sucking against my bundle of nerves. I scream in pure ecstasy at this entirely new feeling as I ride out my orgasm, her fingers now curling inside me and pressing gently in a steady rhythm as I reach my climax. My whole body jolts and shakes as she removes her fingers from inside me slowly, my body feeling sensations above and beyond what I could have even began to imagine. I twitch and exhale as she laps up my wetness, her breathing heavy against me, sending tingles throughout my core. I continue to writhe beneath her as the other woman works her way back up my body, kissing the skin of my belly with soft, chaste kisses before reaching my lips. I moan as I taste my own arousal on her tongue and wrap my fingers around her neck, lacing them through her dark locks and pulling her into an even deeper kiss.

"That was... incredible." I whisper breathlessly.

"Are you sure that was okay? I didn't hurt you?" Johanna questioned genuinely as she stroked at my hair, twirling a strand between her fingers. The eyes that looked down at me were full of concern, searching for reassurance. I fought hard to blink back the tears that threatened to escape me at how perfect things felt in that moment. I lent up to capture her lips in another kiss. I didn't need words to answer her question. Within moments the kiss became more heated, our tongues quickening in pace and once again duelling for control. I could feel the heat radiating from Johanna's centre as it pressed against my thigh, and I wanted nothing more than to taste her. I used my hands to pull at her waist, kissing my lips slowly down over her neck and down to her breasts as soft moans began to escape from her throat. I slid my hands further down to her hips and grabbed onto her, effectively pulling her body up to straddle my face. I smile as her hands slam against the wall, a moan of pleasure tearing from her throat before I've even began to make contact with her essence. I suppose I should be nervous, having absolutely no experience with either a girl or a boy. But in this moment everything just feels so right that I don't even have a moment to worry about anything. Without warning I swipe my tongue across her glistening wet folds. I tease at her clit with the tip of my tongue, drawing circles in a rhythm which matches the ripple of her hips. I elicit a loud moan from Johanna as I press my tongue firmly against her nerves. Spurred on by the sounds from above me I bring my thumbs up to either side of her centre and use them to spread her folds apart, before plunging my lips around her clit and suckling hard as she had done to me before.

"Yesss." I groan in response as Johanna hisses in pleasure, her soaking wet centre grinding against my mouth at an ever quickening pace. I smother her arousal in hot, wet kisses, causing the girl above me to gasp loudly and rock even harder against me. I pause for a split second and drag my tongue teasingly slowly around her entrance, tasting the tang of her wetness. Then, just as her pace becomes gentler against me, I suck hard on her clit. Almost immediately my tongue is coated with her arousal as she shakes into a hard orgasm, gripping at my hair and rocking her hips back and forth against my mouth. I don't even begin to slow down my pace until she's shaking so uncontrollably that I have to grab her thighs to hold her still. I place a wet, open mouthed kiss against her hairless folds, suckling the liquid from her dripping sex and forcing a shaky exhale from the girl above me.

She shuffles down and her lips meet mine once more, our tongues swirling around one another's in a more beautiful dance than ever before. I grin back as she smiles into my mouth, before breaking the kiss and placing one final soft kiss on the tip of my nose. A chuckle escapes my lips at the gesture. She shimmies and blows out each of the candles which were lighting the room, leaving us in complete darkness. Warmth fills my stomach as I feel her curl up against me sleepily, her cheek against my chest, her arms draped around my waist and her leg wrapped around mine.

I think tonight might just be the best night's sleep I've had for a long while.


	14. Chapter 14

I woke up late the next morning, confused at the unfamiliar presence of someone else pressed against me. I smiled and relaxed into her touch when I realised, replaying the events of the night before, Johanna's breathing steady on my chest reassuring me that my memories were real. But still, I couldn't actually believe what had happened. I'd had sex with Johanna fucking Mason.

We'd woken up in pretty much the exact same position as we'd fallen asleep in, Johanna's cheek against my chest, her arms wrapped around my waist and her leg intertwined through mine. I shuffled myself gently from underneath the other woman and quietly opened my drawer to grab some clothes. Last night I hadn't actually had a chance to get dressed after my shower, so I was standing completely naked. I grabbed some fresh underwear, grey sweatpants and a black t shirt and quickly tied my hair into a bun. I needed to take another shower after last night's activities. I tiptoed across the room and picked up the towel which was crumpled in a heap by the door, smiling when I remembered how I had come to drop it there. I glanced back to my bed as I shut the door behind me, to see Johanna stirring in her sleep. She exhaled a soft sigh, before rolling onto her back and starfishing my entire bed. I smiled when she returned to the deep sleep which she'd previously been in. She looked so cute and virtuous whilst she slept.

Once I'd showered I stepped into my clothes and swept my long hair into a ponytail. I didn't really know what to do with myself, but I decided to start by making coffee. Not that I was complaining, but I hadn't exactly gotten much sleep last night and a caffeine boost would definitely work wonders. I sat cross legged on the kitchen counter, looking out the window at the cloudy blue sky outside and sipping carefully from my mug. My mind was a complete mix of emotions. I replayed every detail of the relationship between Johanna and I. The time in the elevator, when I'd seen her naked for the first time, when I'd seen _any _woman naked for the first time. The lust which had almost overcome me and forced me to put on a show for the other two, in my opinion, _unnecessary_, participants of the elevator. I think even then she'd seen through the act though, she knew. I thought back to the time she'd grabbed my wrist in the hospital ward, the innocent contact which had sent a jolt of energy through my entire body and caused a layer of sweat to break through my palms. I shuddered thinking of the time before Finnick's engagement party when she'd brushed my hair from my face and tucked it gently behind my ear, the chasteness of the moment, which had without warning broken free from her usually closed off exterior. That moment had made my belly go all funny. I remembered the moment we'd danced together, my hands finally allowed to touch the other woman's body, to hold her, whilst she did the same to me. I thought back hazily to our first kiss, the hunger which had radiated from both of our mouths as we duelled for dominance. The desire from both of our pairs of hands as we grabbed and claimed each other's skin like it was the ultimate prize. A giggle escaped me when I reminisced how she'd straddled me during our cookie dough war a couple of nights before, only now realising that the temptation which had threatened to overcome myself, had been threatening to do the same to Johanna. And then, I nibbled against my lower lip when I of course, replayed last night - when she'd straddled me in a slightly more exciting way than the night before. Opening herself up for me to claim her completely, giving her body to me like she trusted me with it entirely. I couldn't help the grin which spread across my face on remembering that last part. Last night had been fucking amazing. I shuffled slightly as that familiar heat travelled between my legs; I reminded myself that now, at eleven in the morning, it was not the time.

I had absolutely no idea what was going to happen now. Last night had come about without any warning and I had just been so caught up in the moment that I hadn't really thought about the knock on effects that sleeping with Johanna would cause. Not that I regretted it. I didn't. Not in the slightest. But, realistically what the fuck was going to happen next? The rebellion in the Capitol would be over within a couple of days and if all had worked out well, then I assumed we would be moved back into Thirteen straight after and everyone would be required to start leading their normal lives again. Twelve had been so badly firebombed that it didn't even exist anymore, but I'm sure there had been talk of the ruined districts being rebuilt in preparation for the overcoming of the Capitol.

I couldn't even remember what that felt like to be Katniss Everdeen, the girl from District Twelve who lived with her sister Prim, and their faraway Mom, and their lazy cat Buttercup. The girl who had to hunt illegally with her friend Gale, so they could both help to keep their families alive and earn some extra money in hope of avoiding their sibling's names being entered into the reaping more times. It was strange to imagine a life without The Hunger Games, we didn't know any different. But the prospect sent an excitement through my whole body. The idea of my family, of my friends, of the innocent children of Panem living a life free from all of this fear and oppression, that gave everything I had been through a purpose. It gave everything the people close to me had been through, a purpose. It gave us victory.

But still, I had no idea what this meant for me and the girl who was still sleeping in my bed upstairs. What was going to happen next for us, what did she even want? What did I want? And, what would other people think? Not that I really cared. I'd just never known of two women be allowed to love each other openly. _Love. Is that what this was? _I swung my legs over the counter and hopped down, throwing a mint into my mouth as I walked over and curled into the corner of the couch. It was way too early to start thinking about that. I guess I just had to wait and see what happened when she finally tore herself from the sheets and came downstairs. Would we carry on as usual and just seek each other out for comfort in the night, or was this thing more than that? I tucked my fringe behind my ear and leant my cheek against my palm, my elbow resting upright on the arm of the seat. All I knew is that in this very moment I was happier than I could remember being in a while. This other woman, however rebellious and sarcastic, however unpredictable - with such an anger lingering right beneath the surface, and however _damaged_ she was, made me feel alive in a way I'd never been made to feel before. The thought of my life without her presence in it just didn't appeal anymore, it wouldn't feel complete. She felt kind of like that last piece of the puzzle which I'd subconsciously always been trying to find. And now, I was planning on keeping this piece of the puzzle firmly in place, otherwise the picture just wouldn't make sense. And pretty soon, I crossed my fingers as I thought; we'd all be back home and free to live our lives however we wanted to. It all sounded just too good to be true.

"What are you thinking about?" I was shaken from my thoughts by Johanna's voice as she sauntered in front of me and straddled my hips, lacing her fingers around my neck. It seemed the bold Johanna Mason I'd come to know had returned. I swallowed hard as I took in her form in front of me. Her hair was left loose and her face was of course, completely make up free. She was wearing the same grey tank from last night, this time without a bra, and the same panties from last night, but free from the restrictions of her black jeans. She'd obviously just picked up her clothes from my bedroom floor and came straight down. She bit against her lip when she saw my eyes travelling the length of her exposed legs and spoke again at my lack of response. "I thought you'd bailed on me again."

I whipped my gaze up to meet with her brown eyes, she was smirking. I wrapped my arms around the back of her thighs and pulled her closer towards me. "Definitely not," I barely whispered because the way she was looking at me had literally taken my breath away. She closed the remaining gap between us to capture my lips in a kiss. It started off tenderly, her mouth blanketing mine. But the moment her tongue passed my lips and brushed against my tongue, I found my hands gripping hard into the skin of her thighs, causing her to moan a breathless whimper into my mouth. Her teeth nipped at the flesh of my lower lip in an alternating dance with her tongue forcefully massaging mine. Her hips began to rock against me, her core brushing against the material covering my stomach with every other movement. She must have noticed the barrier blocking her from touching my skin, because she broke our kiss and within seconds she had ripped off my t shirt. I brought my left hand up to grip her hair and pulled at the dark locks gently, forcing her head to tilt back and expose the surface area of her neck completely. I don't know how I'd gone from a serious moment of deep reflection to all of a sudden having a half naked Johanna straddling me and removing my clothing, but I wasn't about to complain.

I didn't waste a moment before plunging my head forward from my position against the couch and sucking forcefully at the skin of her neck, brushing my teeth against it, causing her to whine out at the mixture of pain and pleasure. I eventually dragged my lips away from the spot I'd been sucking at and could barely contain the moan that escaped my own lips when I saw the deep purple bruise which had formed just above her collarbone. There was something incredibly arousing about seeing that I'd made my mark on her. I kept my hand intertwined through her hair and brought my lips up to nibble playfully along her earlobe, my other hand detaching from around her thigh and travelling up under her shirt and groping at her breast. My own breathing became heavy against her ear as my thumb rubbed in a circular motion against her nipple, the combination of my gesture and my hot breath sparking a husky groan from the back of Johanna's throat. I was filled with a sudden rush of searing desire by the noise of approval and I found myself murmuring into her ear as my right hand began its descent down the length of her stomach.

"I want to fuck you so bad." She gasped in pleasure at my confession and bucked her hips more forcefully towards me, my fingers now grazing against the hem of her panties whilst I removed my mouth from her lobe. I softened my grip against her hair, allowing her face to return just slightly above my own, our orbs making contact, both wide eyed with arousal. I gulped slightly at the underlying tenderness of the moment and pushed teasingly slowly past the material which was keeping me from her wetness. I was slightly nervous, considering the night before I'd only fucked Johanna with my tongue. But, I was more than eager to see what it felt like to be inside of her. I gripped hard against her hair again, keeping her eyes still locked on mine as two fingers brushed over her clit tantalizingly. Her mouth opened as her eyes darted down to my lips, before whipping back up and staring back into mine. She wanted to kiss me. But I was going to make her wait.

"Katniss, fuck me." She whined, "Please." I fought hard to keep the corners of my mouth from turning up as I kept my fingers hovering over her clit, without adding barely any pressure at all. Her hips continued to rock, begging for friction, but I wanted to make her desperate. I wanted her to be gagging for release. I dragged my fingers downwards, stroking the length of her folds with only the very tip of my fingers. I paused for a moment when I reached her entrance, gasping myself as I made contact with the pool of liquid that had seeped from her.

"You're so fucking wet, Johanna." I pressed against her entrance just slightly, coating the head of my fingers with her arousal before slicking my fingers back up her folds towards her nub. The noises which were coming from the other woman made it so hard not to just plunge deep inside her and fuck her right now. She was definitely wet enough for that, but, I wanted this to be just as amazing for her as it had been for me last night. And so I began my descent towards her entrance once again. The slippery contact of her sodden folds against my soaking wet fingers felt incredible, and I couldn't resist but to pick up the pace. My fingers began to rub harder against her folds, gliding with ease from the edge of her entrance to her bundle of nerves. She was gripping hard against the back of my hair, her nails dragging roughly in time with the movement of her hips. The pain of her grasp was a good kind of pain, the kind I could tell I was going to become addicted to. Heck, I think I was already addicted.

"Katniss, please. _Please_ fuck me." She pulled against my hair with an extra surge and forced my head to tip back, making it easy for her to trap me into a crushing kiss. The second her tongue made contact with mine she let out an ungodly moan. A jolt shook through my entire body at the sound. I plunged two fingers deep inside her and spread them apart, reaching to make contact with either side of her walls. We both moaned throatily into the kiss at the sensation of my fingers filling her and almost at once we began to move together in perfect accord. My fingers pulled out slightly as her body rose up, and then plunged inside her as she bounced her hips back down. Her grip against me became harder and her kiss more vigorous, so I pulled myself out almost completely, panning out the palm of my hand and pressing my thumb to her clit as I curved my fingers inside her, applying pressure to her walls, causing her to howl in pleasure.

"Oh my god." She gasped, tearing her lips from mine and pressing her mouth to my earlobe, forcing me to listen to her moans.

"Fuck." Her walls began to clench around me. I pressed harder against her nub.

"Fuck, Katniss. Yes." I pushed my fingers in a circular motion inside of her, matching the movement of my thumb and bringing my other hand under the material of her shirt to massage her breast.

"Yessss. Baby, yes." I whimpered from the sexiness of her moans, although I don't think she even realised what she was saying, she was so fucking drunk from the pleasure. I leant up and captured her lower lip between my teeth as she screamed out, her walls clenching tight around me and her hips rode my fingers with desperation. My name spilled from her lips for one final time as she came hard, before our mouths met in another sweltering kiss. Teeth crashing, lips bleeding, our fingers scraping against each other's skin so hard we were both leaving marks.

I removed myself from inside of her gently as her whole body shook; her breathing was fast and heavy, matching my own. Our eyes found one another's and a wicked grin spread across Johanna's face before she flopped down on the couch and lay on her back, her legs draped over mine.

"Holy shit, Twelve." She declared, still breathless. I laughed and tipped my head back against the couch, trying to steady my own breath as I traced lazy circles across the skin of her calf. I'm pretty sure what I'd just experienced was possibly one of the best feelings in the world. I turned my head towards the other girl as she propped herself up on her elbows to look at me. My eyes turned wide and I bit against my lower lip when I saw the deep purple mark I'd left on her neck. I'd completely forgotten I'd done that. Her eyes narrowed when she noticed my expression.

"What?"

"Umm," I started, reaching my hand out to brush my thumb against the bruise. She trembled as I touched her and quickly flicked her eyes away from my direction, clearly embarrassed that her body had betrayed her. "There's a_ bit_ of a mark. Sorry."

She drew her eyes back towards me and smirked teasingly, "I'll just tell everyone you got a bit hungry and decided to take a bite out of my neck." I rolled my eyes but laughed, tucking a piece of stray hair behind my ear as I did so. Johanna pushed herself up off the couch and pulled at my legs, twisting me so I was lying down the length of the couch. She stared for a moment too long at my exposed stomach and my midnight blue bra which just about covered my breasts, before shaking herself from her trance and curling up next to me. She shuffled herself close against me so that my breasts were pressed into her back and my groin against her bum. I pushed my leg in between hers and threaded my foot around her calf, whilst my arm wrapped around her waist and my face nuzzled against her neck. I breathed in her scent and smiled into the crook of her neck as she laced her fingers through mine, squeezing them tightly for a moment and then kissing the back of my hand once I'd gripped back.

In that moment I felt higher than I'd ever felt before. I swear, felt like I could almost fly.

...

I groaned and rubbed at my eyes as Johanna stirred from her position curled against my body. We must have fallen asleep, because it was beginning to get dark outside and someone was knocking at the door.

"Who the fuck is that?" Johanna huffed, standing up and wrapping a huge blanket around her like a cape. She wasn't wearing any pants but at least the blanket implied she could be perhaps wearing shorts behind its coverage. I stretched out and stumbled up from the couch myself, throwing my t shirt back over my head as I stumbled to the door.

"It's probably just Haymitch."

"Shit, Katniss. A bit of a mark?" I stopped in my tracks and turned around to face Johanna who was eyeing her neck with wide eyes in the mirror. "You do realise this is gonna stay here for about a week?" She let out a giggle, "How am I meant to hide this from Haymitch?"

"Sorry. I got a bit carried away." I blushed slightly but chuckled back, "Just try and tilt your head down whilst he's here so your hair covers it. And hold the blanket a little higher." I turned back as there was another, louder knock on the door and scurried over to answer it.

"Katniss!" I was pushed backwards as Prim ran into my arms, squeezing me tightly despite the size of her tiny body. I laced my fingers through my hair and held her for a moment, pleasantly surprised at her visit.

"Hey there, little duck." I moved my arms to her shoulders and kissed her forehead, lingering for a moment before stepping back slightly. I looked behind her and saw my Mom standing smiling in the doorway, too. Her hair was swept back into a braid. She looked healthy, and happy.

"Come in." I gestured to them both, shutting the door behind my Mom as she stepped inside. Johanna was stood awkwardly, trying to cover as much of her exposed skin as possible with the blanket. Both my Mom and Prim eyed her appearance with a quizzing look. I fought hard to suppress my laughter at her squirming.

"Hi Johanna." Prim exclaimed, casually. Johanna smiled warmly at my sister before flicking her gaze to my Mom.

"Hey, Primrose. Mrs Everdeen."

"Hello, Johanna. How are you? How've you been?" My Mom's voice was full of concern. It was clear she'd been worried about us. I didn't really blame her, either. The thought of a severely mentally unstable Johanna Mason, being nursed back to health by me, was a pretty comical thought. The two of us, with our hot headed personalities and sometimes wicked crazy tempers. The idea of us even living alone together when we're both in perfect health is hard enough to imagine.

"I'm fine." Johanna reassured, "More than fine actually, thanks to your daughter." Our eyes met for a moment before she flicked her gaze back to my Mother. My Mom smiled towards me but raised her eyebrows slightly, clearly surprised at the genuine existence of mine and Johanna's _friendship._

"That's good to hear," She smiled. "Maybe you did inherit some of my healing qualities after all." She joked lightly. I opened my mouth to respond, but Johanna interjected.

"Yeah I mean as long as I keep her fed, she _really _knows how to make me feel better." I glared my eyes towards the dark haired girl and cringed at the double implication of her words. Luckily my family didn't seem to be at all affected by her statement, but I ushered them over to the couches anyway. I cringed as they sat side by side on the couch which me and Johanna had previously been on, and saw Johanna biting against her lip to suppress a smirk on realising the same thing.

"Does anyone want tea?" She called over from the kitchen. When my Mom and Prim insisted they were fine, she came over to join us in the living area, taking a seat next to me on the other couch.

"We aren't staying long. I don't want it to be too dark when we're walking back." I nodded sadly at my Mom's words. Now I'd seen Prim, I didn't want to have to say goodbye again.

"What brings you here then? Or are you just popping in?" Johanna chirped, trying to act as casual as possible considering her lack of clothing. My Mom hesitated before she spoke.

"We actually came just to let you know we're both being sent to the Capitol first thing tomorrow." I tensed and sat forward at my Mother's confession. Johanna's hand laced onto my thigh, squeezing it in reassurance. A move which didn't go unnoticed by our guests. My Mom's eyes darted from the extra presence against my leg and then back to my gaze, she continued before I had a chance to protest. "There's no need to worry. We won't be in danger. They just need some of the medics to help out with the Capitol children. A series of bombs were dropped and they need the most experienced medics, that's why we're going." I nodded, "We'll be back by the next morning though."

"And you're sure it's safe?" I questioned, unconvinced.

"I'm sure." She didn't look completely confident but she managed to hold my stare. I knew she wouldn't knowingly send Prim anywhere dangerous, so I decided to drop the topic.

"Look at you all grown up, hey. I'm so proud of you." I grinned warmly at Prim. It was incredible that she'd been chosen considering she was so young. It just showed how talented she was. I flashed back to the day the Peacekeepers had taken over District Twelve, just before the Quarter Quell was announced. Gale had launched himself at Romulus Thread, the new head Peacekeeper of Twelve and gotten himself a public whipping in the square. His injuries were horrendous. They were so bad my Mom was physically shaking trying to inject him with morphling into his body to numb the pain. But Prim had stayed completely calm and collected and taken over. Softly shouting out instructions to the rest of us about what we could do to help and making sure Gale was eased of the pain and going to be okay throughout the night. I'd seen it in her then. That was when I realised the young woman she'd become.

She grinned back at me, "I've missed you, Katniss."

"I've missed you more." I responded truthfully, a sadness escaping from my voice. I was about to continue when Prim stood up from the couch and gasped towards Johanna, "Whoa. What happened to your neck, Johanna?" I caught eye contact with my Mom and my eyes turned wide, a blush spreading rapidly across my cheeks. A slight smirk spread across her lips. She knew.

"Oh, erm. Shit." Johanna stuttered for a moment, "I was playing around with my axe this morning and I kinda lost my grip and hit myself... On the neck." I turned my head to face Johanna, who was looking at me hopelessly. I narrowed my eyes at the ridiculousness of her pathetic excuse and gave her the kind of look that said _'Seriously?' _She shrugged back at me and widened her eyes, signalling for me to help her get away from this conversation. My Mom must have noticed the moment between us because she stood up and straightened out her dress.

"Right. It's dark already; we'd better be heading back."

"Already?" Prim protested, disappointment etched across her features.

"I know, dear. But you'll have weeks to spend with your sister once Gale and the team get back from the Capitol. You need a good night's rest tonight." Prim sighed and nodded in acceptance, following my Mom who had already began to walk towards the door.

Johanna said her goodbyes before rushing upstairs, leaving me to spend a couple of minutes alone with my family. I think she was glad to escape from the situation she'd just found herself in. We moved over to the door and I wrapped Prim tightly in my arms for a good few minutes.

"You've got a big day tomorrow, sweetie. Make me proud okay?" She smiled and nodded back at me.

"After the rebellion, you'll come back to Thirteen, won't you?"

"Of course I will!" I reassured her, before turning my attention to my Mom.

"I'll see you soon, okay?"

"Okay, love."

I pulled her into a quick embrace and whispered into her hair, "Promise me you'll be careful in the Capitol? Don't leave her side okay?" The thought of my family being within the proximity of President Snow was not something I liked to imagine. It sent a horrible feeling deep into the pit of my stomach.

"I promise." I let her go and smiled at her before swapping my smile to Prim, despite my worries. Obviously I wished they could stay for longer, but I was eager for them to go so I knew I'd avoided any questions about Johanna. I could tell my Mom was dying to say something.

"I'll see you in a few days. I love you, little duck."

"I love you too." Prim chirped. I watched as they began to walk away from the cabin, sighing in relief that I'd escaped any awkward questions, but after a few beats Prim turned around.

"Oh and Katniss? Tell Johanna, she's the worse liar I've ever seen." My eyes widened and my body tensed as Prim smirked wickedly, "I'd be less surprised if she'd told me a boy had given her that love bite, and I think we _all_ know that'd never happen."

* * *

**A/N: **I know this Chapter isn't great, but it needed to be done as kind of a filler to set up my next few chapters! I think I know where I'm taking this story now, for the next 2 or 3 chapters anyway, so stick around! Thank you for the continued reviews. It's amazing to know people are actually reading this and enjoying it as much as I'm loving writing it. I was actually originally planning on ending it around about now, but your comments have inspired me to continue it further, so you've definitely got another few chapters yet! **:)**


	15. Chapter 15

"Katniss, they'll be fine. Stop worrying." Johanna interrupted my daydream as I sat tensely on the couch, twisting a loose strand of hair around my finger. I smiled slimly up at her and accepted the mug of tea she was offering, bringing it down to rest on the arm of the chair.

It wasn't that I thought my Mom and sister were being thrown into any immediate danger. I just, I _knew _Snow. I knew what he was capable of. Take a look at Haymitch, at Johanna. The older of the two drinking his life away, in attempt to numb the pain and gain back some kind of control over his life. He's now completely dependent on the substance to escape the nightmarish reality that Snow has forced him to suffer in. There was no chance of him going back now, he was painfully addicted. Johanna, so alone that she'd held no hesitation in screaming at the top of her lungs during the Quell. There was nothing else Snow could do to hurt her. Well, not emotionally anyway. But he hadn't stopped at taking everyone she loves away from her. He then tortured her physically and to such an extreme that the strongest, bravest person I knew, was now trapped in a constant mental torture; her fear of water.

They've got no one left. They've got nothing left, except hope. I'm one of the lucky ones. But, I wasn't naive. I knew that until the Capitol was overthrown completely and Snow was executed, he had the power to change that. He could take my family away from me within seconds. That's why I was worried.

"Come on." I looked up in question as Johanna leant down her hand, gesturing for me to take it, "We're going hunting." I sighed but obliged, taking her hand and allowing her to pull me up from my seat. She knew me well. In fact, I think we both worked in the same way. The best distraction, the best way to vent out our frustration, our aggression and our fear was to go into the woods and hunt.

...

We'd wandered rather far out into the woods, further than either of us had been before. But, there wasn't really much change from the more familiar territory in terms of the layout. There was no evidence of a stream or anything, still just rows and rows of trees for as far as the eye could see, with the odd little grassy opening. The sky was clear and the air was warm as we walked, the only sounds being the rustling of leaves and the twittering of birds as they darted in and out of the tallest trees.

We'd slept together again last night. We hadn't had sex, but Johanna had slept in my bed with me. Once my Mom and Prim had left and I'd recovered from the shock of Prim suggesting they knew me and Johanna were definitely more than just friends, I'd retreated back to my bedroom and got ready for bed. Johanna's bedroom door had been closed shut, so I assumed she'd opted for an early night and although I wanted nothing more than to see her, I didn't want to wake her. But after a few minutes of being tucked up in bed with the lights off, I'd heard my door open and then quietly close. Seconds later her body had swiftly cuddled up against me, pressing us together so closely not even a sheet of air could pass between us. Not a word had been said as we fell asleep. The effortless intertwining of our fingers as they rested on my chest, spoke the words that we were both thinking for us.

As we continued to manoeuvre in and out of the trees, a comfortable silence had settled in the air around us, neither of us uttering a word. That was the thing with Johanna and me. The only time we really confessed any of our feelings and revealed any truths, was in the throes of passion or the boiling point of a heated argument. The rest of the time it was simply unspoken revelations of our affection, the flickering of an eyelid in the direction of the other's lips, or the shuddering of a body as the other made contact against us. Neither of us seemed eager to talk about whatever this was on a regular day to day basis. There was too much going on away from the tranquillity of the cabin, too much chaos, and I think we both knew that. Everything was too fragile at the moment and talking about it would only complicate things further. As confusing as it was, I didn't want to jeopardise whatever was going on between us. For now, I was happy. And as ridiculous as it might sound, with everything that's happened to me in the past couple of years, Johanna somehow managed to make me feel like I was born again. She made me feel unstoppable, like a forest fire that has the power to burn anything in its path. And for now, those feelings alone were more than enough.

"Katniss." I was interrupted from my thoughts as Johanna whispered my name. I turned my head to the left to follow the direction of the hand which she was pointing, to meet with a decent sized grey rabbit, which was unaware of our presence. She could have killed the animal herself and already been halfway through skinning it by now. But, she was gesturing for me to have this one, observing me patiently as I proceeded to lift up my bow and pull an arrow from my back.

I could feel her brown orbs piercing into my skin as I drew back my arrow and narrowed my eyes, swiftly positioning my aim in the direction of my target. Johanna's stare made me feel more nervous than the stare of Seneca Crane had in the private session with the Gamemakers. And that was a time when a lot more had been at stake. But Johanna's presence also gave me that extra kick, not so much to show off, but to impress her with my skill. I didn't usually like attention, but the way I felt when Johanna looked at me with admiration, with affection, I pretty much felt on top of the world. I exhaled and released my arrow confidently, watching as it sliced through the air and pierced the poor rabbit right through its eye. A perfect shot.

"Nice shot." I dropped my bow and smiled slightly, turning to face Johanna who was biting against her bottom lip in a grin. She stepped in front of me and kissed me softly on the lips, her eyes lingering on mine for an extra beat before she turned around.

"You sound surprised?" I questioned, watching as she walked to retrieve the kill. I was surprised in myself as I found my eyes glued to the outline of the other woman. She didn't have the extent of my own curves, especially since coming back from the Capitol. But her body was still very much attractive all the same. Her waist was tiny and her hips, although wider, were still extremely petite. Despite her small frame, she didn't come across as dainty and delicate, her muscle definition made sure of that. And the scars which were scattered over her skin told the stories of her courage, her strength, of her victories in combat. I found my eyes drawn to the sway of her hips as she stepped over the twigs and debris of the forest floor, feeling myself even now in the middle of the day, being attracted to the woman in a way that made me want to touch and taste her. It was as if Johanna Mason had cast a spell over me. I flicked my eyes away as she turned back around with the kill in one hand and my arrow in the other, making her way back over in my direction. She attached the dead rabbit to her belt as she approached me and handed me my now blood stained weapon as she responded.

"Na. Your fingers seem to know just how to hit the spot, no matter what's the task at hand."

My eyes widened at her unexpected response and I couldn't keep the blush from spreading across my features. Johanna still found satisfaction in making me squirm. And despite having now fucked the other girl senseless on more than one occasion, I still found myself easily flustered when it came to Johanna so casually verbalising anything remotely sexual. The other girl laughed and headed off in another direction as I cleared my throat, following behind her silently and trying to shake off the crimson from my cheeks.

We spent another hour or so wandering leisurely through the woods, stopping every so often when we'd cross paths with an animal worth killing. We now had two rabbits and a squirrel, all which hung limply from Johanna's belt. We were even further into the forest now, a good mile away from the cabin.

That's when I noticed it.

Through the canopy of the trees, the sky had darkened into gravel grey. Large pillows of clouds had gathered, blocking out the warmth of the sun that had been there before. I turned to look at Johanna who had tensed on noticing the sudden lack of sunlight. She was trying not to show it, but the fear was evident in her eyes. I tensed myself, in panic for the other girl, my ears filling with the pitter patter of droplets as they collided with the leaves which were thankfully part sheltering us from the sudden downpour. Instinctively I grabbed her hand and gripped onto her tightly, pacing quickly and leading her back in the direction we'd came in. I turned back to look at her in reassurance as I felt the swipe of the drops against my forehead, my nose and my cheeks, knowing she was feeling them too. Her face was completely vacant of any expression. But her eyes were overflowing with terror. The last time Johanna had dealt with a deluge had been in her test, when she'd had the flashbacks. She'd definitely come a long way since then, she'd grown even more as a person, revealed emotions that I'd never seen her express before. But, she still hadn't showered. She hadn't even attempted to face that hurdle yet because she simply wasn't quite ready. But now, she was being forced to face that fear, she was trapped, like I was in the Jabberjay section. She had to face this. There was no other choice.

"Come on. We're nearly home. You're going to be fine." I attempted to comfort her as we continued to pace rapidly through the trees. She hadn't spoken a word since it had started. I think she was in a state of shock.

I pulled her into a desperate jog as the rainfall became more intense. Our hair was clinging to our scalps and our clothes were sticking to our bodies, every inch of us now sodden wet. The drops were drumming against the canopy, so fast and so constant that the sound had blurred into one long whirring noise. My eyes were stinging with the rain but I could see the edge of the forest wall right up ahead of us. I turned to face her one more time, silently telling her to brace herself for the absence of the tree line above us. Where we left the forest, we had to run about 150 yards until we'd reach the cabin. There was no time to stop and help to brace the other girl, so I carried on running, my hand still locked onto hers and dragging her along. The force of the undeflected rain battered against us like a hail of bullets, drumming relentlessly against our scalps as we'd both bent our heads to prevent the bulk of the force from meeting our faces. The adrenalin from her almost unbearable fear must have kicked in and Johanna overtook me, mud splashing against us as she became determined to reach the cabin as quickly as possible, now dragging me along behind her.

Our feet smacked against the damp wood of the cabin veranda and Johanna crashed into the door, opening it and throwing herself inside. I stumbled in just after her, closing the door behind me and blocking out the attack from the clouds. I turned and found her pressed with her back against the wall, completely stiff. Her eyes were clenched shut as the droplets streamed over her eyelids and dripped from her chin into a puddle on the floor. She was trembling viciously; presumably a mixture of the bitter cold water and her terror.

I untied the soaking wet kills from her belt and tossed them into the sink, removing her axe from her waist and stripping myself of my weapons too. I stood in front of Johanna and pushed the dripping fringe away from the broken girl's forehead, before wiping the droplets away from her face with my thumb.

"Hey, you're okay." I whispered softly as she continued to tremble violently. Her eyes opened as I continued to circle my thumb gently against her cheek and my stomach sank as my skin was blanketed with a fresh layer of water. She leant forward and pressed her body into mine, shaking ferociously as she sobbed into my chest. I wrapped my arms around her and held onto her head, stroking my fingers against her saturated dark locks. I whispered shushing sounds into her ear and fought hard to keep myself from breaking down. Holding Johanna as she wept was not a position I ever expected to find myself in. And knowing the whole reason behind her wounds was because of me, knowing she was facing this because she'd put my life before hers, was completely breaking my heart.

As I felt her sobs begin to calm slightly I stepped back slightly and pulled gently on Johanna's hand, leading her upstairs. "Come on, let's get you cleaned up." She nodded slightly, her first form of response reassuring me that she hadn't zoned out completely. I led her into the bathroom, hesitant to push her any further over the edge, but knowing she'd get ill if she didn't take a hot shower. Besides, we were both coated in mud and needed to wash our hair. Her eyes grew wide as I shut the bathroom door behind us and she looked at me in question. I laced both of my hands through hers and leant forward to kiss her forehead, exhaling sadly as I felt her body was still shaking just as bad as before.

"You're fine, okay? You did so well." I smiled tenderly, my eyes locking onto her defeated brown orbs. "I'm so proud of you. But, I don't want you to get sick. We're gonna take a shower, okay? Together." Her grip on my hands tightened, but her face gave away no response. "I'll be here with you every step of the way. Is that okay?" She exhaled a shaky breath and nodded her head just slightly, removing her hands from mine so I could undress her.

I turned the shower on and adjusted the temperature so it was nice and hot, but not scalding. I removed my own clothes completely and pulled the hair tie from my ponytail before undressing Johanna, tossing our clothes into a heap on the floor. I laced my fingers through hers once more and stepped into the shower first myself, turning my lips up slightly and nodding in reassurance as Johanna slinked in behind me.

I rubbed my hands up and down the length of the other woman's arms as she stood motionless, her eyes clenched shut as the light spray from the shower coated her body and attempted to wash away the memory of the rain. She looked so broken and defeated. When in reality, she hadn't been defeated at all. She'd fought back. And here she was, braving Snow's horrors once more. I poured a handful of soap into my palms and rubbed it into lather against Johanna's skin, massaging her shoulders, her breasts and her stomach gently. I'd never touched anybody like this before. She was exposing herself to me completely, as was I to her, but not in a sexual way. I was touching her with a tenderness that I hadn't even realised I possessed. I don't think I had possessed it until now actually, until I'd seen the person that I'd come to care about in such a new and unique way, so destroyed and standing so vulnerably right in front of me.

"I'm sorry." A whisper escaped my lips as I washed away the soap from her skin. Looking at her now, in such a susceptible stance, I could see how beautiful she actually was. I felt a knot in my stomach at how much I had come to care about the woman in front of me, at how lucky I was that she seemed to care about me just as much, too. Her eyes opened and stared dejectedly into mine. "I'm so sorry you had to go through all of this." She nodded back at me, as if to tell me that it was okay and the small remnants of a smile pushed through her lips. I smiled sadly back at her and poured a small amount of shampoo into my hand, looking back at her for approval. She showed no signs of objection so I gently coated her hair in the shampoo, before washing it away just as quickly, eager to get her out of the bathroom and into some warm clothes. I took a couple of moments to wash myself before stepping out of the shower and wrapping a towel around the other woman, rubbing it softly against her skin to shake off the excess of the water as quickly as possible.

"Thank you." She whispered barely audibly at all. Her eyes looked into mine, the fear no longer evident in her orbs as she smiled up at me tenderly. I wrapped a towel around my own body and smiled back, leaning forward to kiss her chastely on the lips.

"I'm so proud of you." I whispered against her lips. She trembled the good kind of shudder and leant her forehead against mine. We paused like that for a moment before she leant her mouth forward to kiss me again, open mouthed but innocent, expressing the words she wanted to say. I smiled slightly into the kiss before pulling away and taking her hand, leading her into her bedroom to dry herself off and change into some fresh clothes.

...

The pitiless rain continued to hammer against the cabin roof and the wind howled through the trees. The storm that had hovered throughout the afternoon continued to descend into the night, but luckily Johanna seemed to be doing okay since the horror she had faced earlier today. My eyes were locked on the blazing licks of the fire as the flames devoured the logs which Johanna had chopped down a couple of days before. The red and orange flares danced mercilessly, devouring everything in their wake.

It was around 10 o'clock in the evening and the pair of us were cuddled together on the couch, Johanna's head lay on my chest as I ran my fingers repeatedly through her thick strands of raven coloured hair. The gentle rise and fall of her chest against my stomach contrasting against the ferocity of the weather outside.

We were shook from our comfortable silence by a knock on the door. Johanna sat up and looked at me, a slight frown evident across her features, mirroring my own.

"Why would someone come all the way out here in the middle of a storm?" I questioned. A panic settling over me. Johanna softened her features and stood up, walking over to the door. I watched her reaction as she answered, but I couldn't see who our guest was from my angle on the couch. I relaxed as I heard Haymitch's voice as he and Johanna exchanged a few words, but I couldn't shake the uneasy feeling from my chest.

I stayed sat on the couch as Haymitch and Johanna walked over to the living area, Johanna returning to her previous position on my right and Haymitch seating himself on the chair opposite us. I swapped my gaze from each of them and frowned as he and Johanna shared a look. I couldn't read what kind of a look it was, but Haymitch was hesitant as he spoke.

"They're back from the Capitol." I shot forward from my position leaning against the back of the couch but stayed seated as I felt Johanna's hand lace around my thigh... in comfort? Why was she doing that? Haymitch continued before I had a chance to fire any questions in either of their directions. "The mission," he pauses "was a success."

"Snow's dead?"

"Snow's dead. Finnick killed him." A feeling of relief washed over me, evident in the loud sigh I exhaled and the grin which found itself spread across my features. But something just wasn't right. Haymitch was trying to avoid telling me something. It felt almost like the night in the hospital, when he'd told me Peeta was dead. I withdrew my smile and looked wearily back at my mentor, and then at Johanna who refused to meet my gaze. She knew something that I didn't.

"The Squad, they made it out alright?" I questioned, trying to mask the fear which had overtaken my body. Haymitch nodded back at me softly, flicking his eyes towards Johanna, almost looking for some kind of support. I shook her hand from my thigh and stood up, annoyed that they were keeping something from me and torturing me in dragging this out so much. A million thoughts raced through my head as I looked to Haymitch who exhaled a shaky breath and dragged his eyes heavily in my direction. The apology which I read in his gaze gave me the answer that I'd been so desperate to know. But now I wished I could go back and erase it.

I swallowed hard and clenched my eyelids shut, unable to look at either him or Johanna as I let her name whisper from my lips. Praying fiercely that my assumption was wrong. Praying that this moment wasn't happening. Praying that I could go back to before, with Johanna wrapped safely in my arms and the only reason for my rapid beating heart being the contact of the other woman's skin against mine.

"Prim?"

A tear ran desperately down my cheek as her name cut through the thick silence of the air. I opened my eyes to see Johanna facing her head the other way completely, and Haymitch bowing his head towards his lap. A sob escaped from the back of my throat as Haymitch's, for once, sober eyes finally made contact with mine.

He cleared his throat softly. "She didn't make it out Katniss. I'm sorry."

* * *

**A/N: **Sorry. I couldn't bring myself to kill Finnick, but I somehow managed to allow myself to kill Prim. I had to at least keep some similarity, as heartbreaking as it is. Apologies for my lack of update over the past few days, I've been really unwell! I'm still not feeling great, but I promise to give you a couple more chapters over the next few days as I have lots of free time. :) Thank you for reading!


	16. Chapter 16

I didn't hear anything else, after he'd told me, after he'd confirmed my worst nightmare had become a reality. I didn't hear any of the words which Haymitch had pleaded towards to me. I couldn't feel the usual heat of Johanna's skin against mine as she shook me, and held me. Her breath against my neck, as she whispered through her tears and into my hair, had no effect on me now. I didn't even twitch. I was stone cold. Like a rock at the edge of a shore; waves crashing against me, forceful and deafening, but nothing could dent me.

Prim was _my_ Mockingjay. She was my hope, my inspiration, my little duck. And now she was dead. She was stone cold. Like me, only literally. Lying lifeless in the ground somewhere, left to rot and disintegrate into nothing, as though she'd never even existed. The kindest and most beautiful heart I knew, left absent from any rhythm.

The games were over, but I was no longer a victor. I had lost. Like Marvel, like Cato, like Foxface, like Blight, like Brutus and like Rue. The games had defeated me. When the canon booms and death is forced upon you, you've lost. Haymitch's words had been my canon. And Prim's was a death, much worse than my own, which had been forced upon me.

And it certainly felt like part of me had died too, now Prim was gone.

Maybe forced wasn't the right word. I mean, I hadn't exactly put up much of a fight since the Quell. I'd pretty much blocked everything out, apart from Johanna. I'd been selfish.

I'd let Prim down.

Sure, people like Finnick and Haymitch would claim that by me staying behind with Johanna, I was actually being selfless. Putting the needs of Johanna before my own, repaying her for her bravery in the Quell. But that wasn't entirely true. The truth was I couldn't imagine my life without Johanna anymore. She was at risk, her mental state like the hot, bubbling lava inside of a volcano. Ready to blow at any minute. So I'd stayed to protect her, to make sure her wounds weren't too deep that they would never quite heal. But who was protecting Prim? Who had been protecting Prim when she'd gone to the Capitol? If I had of gone on that mission, maybe things would have been different. Or even if I still had of stayed with Johanna, I could have insisted that Prim didn't make that trip to the Capitol. I'm sure they could have coped without her. Prim could have stayed here for the day, with me and Johanna. My Mom could have held up the task without her, I'm sure. I should have trusted my gut instinct. I'd known something wasn't quite right about their going to the Capitol. But now it was too late. There was nothing I could do. _Nothing_. My little sister was gone.

I'd walked out slowly and dragged the weight of my body up each of the stairs. Each body part had felt suddenly heavier than before. It was almost like I was some kind of zombie. My mind dead, but my body alive and struggling to function with the lack of its driving force. When I'd eventually climbed what seemed like a mountain of stairs, I'd locked my bedroom door behind me, fumbling with the lock for several moments as my eyes were fogged over with tears. My vision had become a blur of water and darkness, my head spinning and my breath catching. It felt as though I'd been out in the middle of the ocean, oblivious to the oncoming wave which was swiftly approaching, it's speed now so constant and threatening, it was too late to turn back and escape. It was as if the force of the wave had smacked me full force and sent me tumbling under the crash of the current, whirling completely out of control, unsure of where the surface even was anymore. It didn't even really matter though. I couldn't imagine the feeling from the surface ever being the same again. I'd always be dragged back down by the memory of what I could have done, what I didn't do, to save her.

I'd sunk down with my back against the door in a state of complete calamity for a few long moments. The voices of my mentor and my_, acquaintance,_ from downstairs ringing vaguely through my ears, then stopping following the bang of the front door as it closed shut. I stayed sat in a heap against the door, unable to move or snap out of my shock as the deafening silence now threatened to consume me. My head was spinning and my mouth was dry, as the whirlwind of my thoughts shot through the silence but continued to drown me.

Moments later a light tapping against the outside of my bedroom door had broken through my wall of thoughts. The sound of Johanna's voice, murmuring sincere apologies and promises of her support, softly reassuring that she'd be here for me and we would get through this together, only confirmed how real and how final this devastation was. She begged for me not to shut her out, not to make the same mistake that she'd made when she shut out the world after losing her brothers.

Tears began to overflow from my grey eyes; racing down my cheeks like a rapid river. Sobs were escaping me so violently and desperately that they ripped at the back of my throat and hammered through my temple. I dragged my fingers through my hair, gripping with such a force that I'm surprised I wasn't ripping out chunks. I was choking on my hysterical tears, on my cries of pain, so much so that soon I couldn't hear her voice anymore. I couldn't hear her words as they became louder, as they grew into her pleading with me to open the door, to let her hold me. I couldn't even hear her fists as they thumped against the wood behind me. Or as her pleading became cries. I knew my screams were torturing her. She was left helpless, trapped behind the barricade of my door, unable to console me how I knew she so desperately wanted to.

But I needed to be alone. I deserved to be alone. I deserved to suffer. First, I'd failed in protecting Peeta. And now I'd done the unforgiveable. I'd failed in protecting Prim.

As the silence consumed me once again, I realised Johanna must have gone to bed. It was probably well past midnight by now, but I stayed in a heap against the door, sat in complete darkness, unable to move. I don't know how long I'd cried for. An hour, or maybe two. Until eventually my orbs were as dry as sand. There were physically no tears left for me to cry. I was completely empty. I felt as though nothing was ever going to be okay again.

...

It was only when the sound of birds began to cut through the perpetual silence, that I realised it must be morning. A dim light had started to peep through the curtains which draped across my windows, forcing me to break out of the trance I'd trapped myself in for what must have been the last seven or eight hours. I was still glued in the same spot. My eyes were heavy with exhaustion, but I refused to close them. I was almost afraid to sleep. I knew that her beautiful blue eyes and her soft, long, blonde hair would find me in my dreams. As much as I longed to look at her and to see her smiling back at me, to tuck in her little duck tail and to braid her hair, the devastation when I awoke again was something I definitely wasn't ready to face. There was no point pretending everything was okay. I'd let my sister down and now I should suffer for it. So I stayed, unmoving and staring into nothing.

After another few hours passed, the light had begun to pour through the curtains much brighter than before. I had heard Johanna bustling about in her room; I'd even heard the water from the bathroom sink run for a brief moment. A kind of relief rushed over me, though vanishing as quickly as it came, because it reminded me that Johanna was refusing to lose to Snow. She was fighting back. It reminded me that some good had come from me staying behind from the mission. I'd made a choice based on what I thought would be best and so now I'd somewhat repaid the raven haired Victor from Seven for what she did for me in the arena. At least that was one of my guilt's somewhat lessened. But it also reminded me how no matter what good came from everything we'd been through, no matter how much we'd bettered the lives of Panem's future generations; the life of the most beautiful and innocent person I knew had been taken so unjustly. And what was even worse, what made her death even more painful, was how she'd been killed whilst helping to save the lives of others. She was so incredibly undeserving of her fate.

The sounds of voices downstairs broke through my thoughts. Although I didn't have the energy to pay much attention, I knew could hear Johanna talking in hushed tones and the only other voices I could make out were definitely male.

I exhaled a shaky sigh in response to a light tapping against my bedroom door. I knew I couldn't shut the world out forever. I guess at some point I had to go on. That's what Prim would want. But the idea of that seemed much easier than the reality of ploughing through each day without my sister. Knowing that there could have been something more I could do to help. I used every ounce of energy I could muster to shuffle my body to the left, now leaning my body against the wall instead of the door. I lifted my right arm and fiddled with the lock, the grinding noise of the door unlocking signalling to whoever was stood outside that they could come in.

I continued to stare at the space in front of me, even when my view of the opposite wall was blocked as Gale crouched down just in front of my feet. The look of devastation which I met in his eyes should have made me cry a thousand painful tears, but I physically had none left to shed. Instead I continued to stare, almost in a trance. He looked down at the floor as he spoke.

"You need to know that you're not alone in this, Katniss." My eye twitched at his use of my real name. He reserved calling me that for when things were serious, which of course this was. He spoke softly, with a heartfelt tone similar to the time after they'd announced the Quarter Quell. After Snow dropped the news that the tributes were to be reaped from the existing pool of victors in each district, we'd gone out by the woods to say goodbye for what I was absolutely sure was the last time. Gale was devastated. He'd turned down my suggestion in running away into the woods with our families a few days before. He thought he'd let me down. He probably thought that now. He kept his gaze on the floor. "Your Mom is mourning, too. I'm mourning. _Johanna's_ mourning." His slight hesitation and the way in which he said Johanna's name caught my attention somewhat more than the rest of his words, but I still couldn't bring myself to respond. "The whole country is mourning for Prim, Katniss. Everyone knows as much as you do, she didn't deserve to have her future taken from her." He looked up at me now, his grey eyes which were scarily similar to mine, filled with such a genuine sadness and sincerity that I managed a slight nod in response. "You have us all to help you get through this, okay? It's going to be hard. But you're going to get through this. You're going to live the life that we've all been fighting for. The life that _Prim_, even though she was so young, was fighting for."

He tore his determined gaze from my eyes as the door beside us was pushed open tentatively. Gale knew me well. He knew I didn't need to be babied and fussed over, with people prodding me with endless words of reassurance. He'd said his piece. He'd let me know that there was people here for me if I needed them and that I'd be able to get through this devastation and live the life which Prim had died working towards. I'd forgotten how well Gale knew me. He always had known the right things to say. He locked his grey orbs firmly onto my own for a final moment, the tenderness which shone through them letting me know he was there for me and that he truly cared. I stayed motionless as he left the room, shutting the door almost silently behind him.

Johanna slumped down beside me, in a position similar to mine with her back against the door and her legs stretched out in front. We sat in a comfortable silence for a couple of minutes; not speaking, not touching and not even looking at each other. But I couldn't deny the slight wave of comfort which I felt just from her presence.

She leant her head back against the wall and tilted it to face me. I could feel her eyes gaping into the side of my face but I couldn't bring myself to meet her gaze. After a few moments she spoke in a whisper.

"I'm sorry." Her voice cracked in her throat as she spoke. I fluttered my eyelids shut reactively but remained silent. I just couldn't bring myself to speak. Johanna knew exactly how I'd felt. Snow had killed her brothers, and in an even more direct way. He'd made sure she knew it was _her fault,_ so to speak. Her refusal of his offer had resulted in her family being brutally murdered, trapped inside their home as hot, vicious flames engulfed their flesh. Disintegrating the people who Johanna cared about most in the world, the only people she'd cared about, and turning them into dust. She'd had to cope with that guilt and that heartache every single day for the last few years of her life. I guess until now I'd never really understood how impossibly hard that must have been for her. I now could begin to understand the reasoning for the sarcastic, sexual, carefree exterior. "Did you manage to get any sleep?"

I shook my head slightly in response. She placed her hand on top of my hand which was placed on my lap and turned her head back to face in front of her. "She admired you so, so much. Anyone could see that." Johanna spoke slowly, each word loaded with emotion. "As proud as your Mom is of you, as Haymitch is of you, how _I_ am of you, no one was prouder of you than Prim was." She gripped my hand gently. "I know you're going to continue making her proud." She took a deep breath as if to kind of finalise her words. She, like Gale, knew me well enough not to push me to talk.

"Haymitch is downstairs, too. I told them it was too soon and you needed some time, but they insisted that we're to be moved back to Thirteen right away, now the mission's over and _Snow_ is dead." She spat out Snow's name more violently than her other words. The satisfaction we both so desperately wanted to feel at his death was tainted with the loss of Prim. "So they're here to help us move our things back. You don't have to do anything. And you can sleep when we get back to the compartment. It's all over now Katniss, we're in control of the rest of our lives."

I stayed sat in that same position, unmoving for the entirety of the afternoon as both Gale and Haymitch came in and out of my room, packing away my things and glancing over at me on numerous occasions, each time staring for a moment too long. I think Johanna was busy packing away her own things. Everything still felt like a blur around me so I barely noticed the presence of the two men anyway.

Although there wasn't much space for me to feel much other emotion apart from the heartbreak and devastation of losing my sister, in the little space there was, I actually felt a relief that we were being moved back to Thirteen. The cabin, although being filled with some of the most memorable moments of my life to date, was now tainted. This bedroom contained one of my most incredible memories; the first time I'd had sex with Johanna. But now the room was almost contaminated with the sorrows that I'd experienced within it for the last several hours. The cabin was spoiled with the memory of losing Prim.

...

Despite the look of disappointment glistening through Johanna's eyes, she didn't object when I finally spoke and told her I was going to stay in the compartment with my Mom for that first night back in District Thirteen. I didn't want my Mom to be alone tonight or I'd probably lose her as well. I'd been the one who had to stay strong when we lost my Dad. I'd stayed strong last time because _I had to_, for Prim. But I'd of course helped my Mom as well. I'd been the rock of the family. And as hard as it was going to be now, I'd probably have to do the same this time.


	17. Chapter 17

Three days had passed since Johanna and I had been moved back into the District. My Mom was handling herself surprisingly well. She didn't lock herself in the same state of shock as she did last time. When my Dad died she'd been unable to speak or concentrate on anything for long enough to understand what was going on around her, refusing to accept that life would continue to pass by, undisturbed, despite the loss of someone so important to us. That's one of the reasons Prim and I had been so close. That's why Prim had started looking up to me, admiring me, way before I'd volunteered for her. I'd basically raised her, picking up the pieces where my Mom let them smash disorderly all over the ground. Carrying Prim, so to speak, making sure her innocent, unspoiled skin wouldn't be ripped open by the serrated pieces. I don't blame my Mom. Especially not now I knew what it felt like to find a person that filled the other half of your whole. To suddenly be faced with the reality that you'd never be able to feel the beating of their chest against yours again, knowing you would never again feel their lips touching yours, to have them ripped away from you without warning. It was harder to think of a greater pain.

But since returning from the Capitol without the tiny presence which had embarked on the mission with her, my Mom had responded in quite the opposite way than she had to my Father. She was sad of course. Devastated, obviously. But she hid it well. She'd thrown herself into helping out around District Thirteen, offering her expertise wherever she could, voicing advice to anyone who needed it. She was channelling her grief into bettering the lives of the people around her. This time, she was being the role model for me.

That first night back in Thirteen had been the most emotionally draining night of my existence. I'd snapped out of the state of shock I'd been in the night before and my sheer exhaustion had caught up on me. Curled in the corner of the bed which had previously belonged to my little sister, watching the soft rise and fall of my Mother's chest in the bed adjacent to me, I had realised that in that small District Thirteen compartment was the remainder of the Everdeen family. My Dad and Prim were gone. I'd lost my little duck, the reason for my fight. The driving force behind every decision I'd ever made now ceased to exist, she was nothing but a memory. And from that day forward, my Mom was the only family I had left.

I'd let my mind wander to Johanna, who was probably fast asleep in the compartment a few doors down. I cared about her more than most things that were left in my life now, and that scared me. But things had changed now. I didn't feel ready to snap back into the bubble we'd absorbed ourselves into for the past week or so. It didn't feel right just now. I couldn't give myself wholly to the other woman and I wouldn't be able to for a while. My mind would always be elsewhere; Johanna's face a reminder of what more I should have done to protect my sister.

The days passed by hazily and that one night spent in my Mom's compartment turned into me living in there for a week. Mental exhaustion had trapped me inside the four walls of the compartment, my only knowledge of the air outside being experienced through the small pane of glass beside my bed. The weather had been dreary, they sky in a constant flux of shades of grey, only revealing the sun momentarily and almost as if by accident at infrequent points throughout each day. The strong winds exposed the layers of branches as they stripped them of their leaves, sending each delicate, auburn coloured sheet deteriorating in a short lived whirlwind to the ground. The brief patterns each leaf made as they would cascade through the crisp air provided me with some kind of distraction though, however demoralising that may sound.

I'd had visits from both Haymitch and Gale daily. Haymitch would soothe my helplessness with calm notions of advice, unknowingly helping me more than I would show. He'd also offer an ear, however inefficient it may be considering his constant intoxication, but of course each time it was turned down with my insisting I had nothing to say. He'd then raise his flask with hesitance, allowing me to gulp down a swig of his sacred water. That was an offer which I accepted only once. And then when some time had passed and I showed no evidence of a change in demeanour, Haymitch would begin to reel off stories about his past. He told me about his Mother, Gloria and how incredible a cook she was. He told me how she'd taught him to bake the most delicious bread, much better than Peeta, he'd added with a mischievous grin. He told me how his Father had died when he was only nine, but he was forced to get over the loss straight away, to help look after his brother who was only three years old at the time. It turned out Haymitch and I had some things in common.

Soon his stories turned into descriptions of his time spent in the arena, during the Second Quarter Quell. I suppose his memories of the arena were his last memories left untainted by the hazy effects of the liquor. He explained how during his games, he'd held the hand of his fellow District Twelve tribute, Maysilee Donner as she died. He quickly moved on from that topic though, probably afraid I'd be reminded too much of Rue. So then he revealed to me his deepest guilt. He exposed how the two of us really were more similar than I ever would have thought. He'd defied the games too. I listened with shock beneath the surface of my unchanged expression, as Haymitch explained how he'd been the first ever tribute to figure out the force field which shielded the arena. He'd made it to the final two, just him and one other tribute, the female from District One. When she'd thrown her axe slicing straight through the air with full force towards Haymitch, he'd dodged from its path, sending it flying into the force field and bouncing straight back, clean into the face of the last remaining other tribute. As clever as he'd been, he paused on revealing the consequences of his actions. Two weeks after he had been crowned victor, his mother, younger brother and his girlfriend, whom he'd told me no stories about, were killed by President Snow. I'd always known the basics of the cause behind his drinking, but now on a personal level I could really understand why. The horror of his games, his grief over the death of his loved ones and the guilt which came alongside, and the fact that every tribute he'd ever trained, besides me and Peeta had been killed in the arena. All of those factors had driven him to desperation. He felt his only release was the numbing sensation which came along with the constant consumption of the strongest liquors.

Gale spent his time in my compartment recounting the details of the District Thirteen woods, although I already knew them quite well. He told me in depth about the certain patches of forest ground which weren't coated with the crisp, autumn coloured leaves and how they came in handy when he was trying to avoid startling the deer which he'd killed that morning. He exaggerated the exposure of various animals and embellished the feeling of thrill as he'd pierce an animal right in the throat, trying to remind me how rewarding it felt to hunt. He narrated the descriptions of his previous few mornings spent hunting, definitely enhancing the experience in an attempt to lure me into getting out into the fresh air and accompanying him again. But I didn't have the energy for that yet. I could barely even bring myself to shower, never mind go running through the woods and still have to save enough energy to concentrate on aiming my arrow. Besides, as much as I enjoyed the hunting partnership that Gale and I had accumulated over the years, we hadn't done that for a long time. Our friendship was the kind that wouldn't just go away, but since getting back from the Quell we hadn't been spending half as much time together as we used to. We'd both been too wrapped up in everything else that was going on in our lives. And now, picturing myself hunting out underneath the trees of the District Thirteen forest, I didn't picture myself hunting alongside Gale. This forest was special; it reserved a particular place in my heart. All of the memories which I had of my time spent underneath the canopy of leaves, were filled with Johanna.

Having not left the compartment in a week and surprisingly only receiving visits from Haymitch and Gale, I hadn't seen Johanna since the first night we'd arrived. She'd understood completely that I'd wanted to spend that night with my Mom, my mind had been on nothing else but Prim, but that left the situation between Johanna and I at a bit of a loose end. I don't know why she hadn't come to see me; no one had even mentioned her to me. But I assumed she was giving me the space she knew I needed and was waiting for me to go back to her when I felt ready. In the lone darkness of the seven nights I'd now spent in the compartment beside my usually peaceful sleeping Mother, there were definitely moments when I'd wanted nothing more than to burst through the door of my old compartment. I wanted to slink underneath the heat of the cover and press my body firm against Johanna's. To rake my fingers through the flesh of her back, along her sides, feeling every inch of the skin that I'd become so accustomed to. To press my own lips against hers and feel the plump of her flesh against my teeth. To encase my body over hers and feel the warmth of her breath against my earlobe, as my scalp tingled with the presence of her fingertips lacing through the strands of my hair.

But I didn't feel deserving of such a pleasure. Why should I get to move on with my life with such an ease, considering everything I'd done, all the trouble I had caused? My sister hadn't ever stepped one foot wrong. And look where she was. I didn't feel worthy of the things I felt when I was with Johanna. At least not yet. I owed Prim the decency of mourning her until I physically had to snap myself out of such a depression to stop myself from reaching the point of no return. I deserved to suffer for a while.

...

It was a Thursday afternoon when a knock at my door woke me up from the accidental deep sleep which my mid mornings nap had progressed into. The knock was strong but unfamiliar, different to the irregular thump of Haymitch's and the gentle beat of Gale's. I rubbed my eyes hazily and stumbled over to the door, smoothing out my knotted hair and pulling my baggy t shirt sleeve back over my shoulder as I did so.

A slim but genuine smile escaped my lips as I opened the door to be faced with the glistening blue eyes and sickeningly handsome grin of Finnick Odair. I stared for a few beats, taking in the glow which radiated from his body, the happiness which he so clearly was feeling at being back safe and with his love once again. And he was going to be a Father, I remembered. But despite his delight, there was still an undeniable hint of pain from the memories which we all as so called victors of the games shared. He'd been through hell and back to get to where he was today. But from here on, things could only continue to get better for him. He had a real future to look forward to. I couldn't help but feel overwhelmed at how happy a part of me actually felt for the man standing in front of me, he deserved to feel this way. And he'd been the one who killed Snow. He'd done that for me, for Johanna, for Prim, for all of us. He'd ended the life of the man who destroyed all of ours. And for that, I owed Finnick everything. For the first time in over a week, I allowed my body the contact of someone else against it. I stepped forward and wrapped my arms around the District Four victor's torso, squeezing him tight for long enough of a moment that he wrapped his arms around my back and lent down softly kissing the top of my head. We shared a moment that I'd never imagined myself and Finnick to share. And in that moment I realised that this man in front of me had become a real friend.

He followed me further into the compartment where he sat opposite me on my Mom's bed, a look of sadness etched across his face when he took in my haggled appearance. "Katniss. I'm truly so sorry about Prim." I nodded and managed to smile softly in thanks for his words. He spoke with a strong sincerity but accepted when I quickly moved on. There was no point recapping the words of reassurance which we both knew I'd heard hundreds of times since her passing.

"How's Annie and the baby?" A grin spread across his face, a warm glisten sparkling from his blue orbs.

"Annie's doing amazing, thank you." His grin stayed evident as he spoke, "And the little Odair is growing surely but steadily." I smiled back genuinely before leaning over and drinking from the glass of water on my bedside table. The curtains were open and the sun was shining brightly through the window, there was barely a cloud in sight. Today looked like it was the nicest weather I'd seen since we got here.

"Good." I replied, hesitating before I asked my next question. "How's Johanna?" He locked his eyes onto mine, looking at me with an understanding beyond how anyone else would offer me if I'd asked the same thing. I assume she'd filled him in on everything that had happened between us. That's probably the main reason why he was here. He was doing his duty as a best friend.

"She's okay. She's been better." He replied genuinely. I flicked my eyes downwards, momentarily unable to meet his gaze. He read my body language and continued. "She knows you need some time, don't worry. She's not going anywhere. She just, she misses you."

"I miss her too." I surprised myself at how quickly my response had escaped from my lips, I hadn't hesitated even for a moment. I whipped up my eyes to meet Finnick's. He was smiling in understanding. A light blush made home on my cheeks, the first bit of colour that my gaunt, pale skin had worn in days. We sat in silence for a few beats before he spoke again.

"I'm getting married on Saturday." My eyes widened at his revelation and a smile even bigger than before spread across my features. Saturday. That was two days away from now! "I know it's pretty soon. But we thought, why wait? You know? We could all do with a celebration. And what better way than to dance on Snow's grave." A small snigger escaped from my throat. "Besides, if we wait any longer, she won't be able to fit into the dress she's chosen."

I surprised myself by letting out a small laugh, something I hadn't done in days. "It's a nice send off as well, kind of like a last supper, a last celebration whilst we're all here together in District Thirteen." Finnick continued, diverging information that I hadn't know until now. "They've got people busy at work, rebuilding the ruined Districts. We'll all be moving out of Thirteen within the next week or so I should think." He smiled as he spoke. "We can go home." He must have noticed my look of confusion, so he'd explained further. I pondered on this information for a moment. It was amazing news of course, but it also gave me a weird feeling of anxiety. It would be strange going back to Twelve without Prim. And would Johanna go back to Seven? We'd be so far away from each other, the train journey between our District's is almost a day long. I shook myself of the worry, it was unnecessary for now. I needed to be happy for Finnick.

We sat facing each other, sharing a moment of contentment as we pondered over the prospect of a wedding two days from now. A few weeks ago, we would never have imagined to have come this far. We were finally free from a world oppressed by Snow and the Games. We were free to live our lives as we chose to. It was moments like these that made everything we'd been through worthwhile. We'd all been injured both mentally and physically along the way, some of us scarred. We'd all had to lose someone who was painfully close to our hearts, some of us had even been forced to witness with our own eyes the moment a life was taken, some of us just riddled with the guilt that their death was our doing. We'd all suffered with the flashbacks in our dreams, experienced the terror of being trapped in sleep paralysis, unable to escape the nightmares until our hearts were beating so fast our eyes would shoot open and screams would be jumping desperately from our throats. But somehow, the reward of finally beating Snow and the Capitol gave everything we'd been through a purpose. It gave us the justice we'd put up such a fight for. The reality that we had finally freed the Districts from the perpetual terror and the horrifying tortures of the annual Hunger Games was reward enough. But now we had moments like this. We had the excitement of a wedding between two victors and the anticipation of those victors expecting a child. A new life was to be born. A life filled with happiness and opportunity. A child untainted by Snow and his disgusting regimes. The new lives that were to be created and cherished from now on, would grow up in a world much different from the fear filled one which we had known. And those lives would give purpose to the lives which had been sacrificed in the past years of the games and the past few weeks of the rebellion. It was comforting knowing the fight hadn't been for nothing.

"So, should I tell Johanna she has a date to the wedding?" Finnick interrupted the comfortable silence we'd settled into, grinning playfully but the seriousness in his eyes insisting that he was asking a serious question. I couldn't help but notice a slight hint of worry evident in his eyes. Worry for Johanna? I knew I'd shut her out completely, I'd blanked out the relationship we'd formed and only let myself focus on losing Prim and making sure both my Mother and I didn't fall apart at the seams. I really just needed some time. I needed to properly get my head around Prim's death and make sure I was in a stable enough position before I threw myself back into this thing with Johanna. I guess I hadn't really told her this though, I'd just abandoned her and left her in the dark, assuming she'd be fine waiting around for me. The look I saw in Finnick's eyes told me otherwise.

"No." I replied after a moment of hesitation. Finnick's eyes grew wide with fear, his smile completely eradicated from his face. He opened his mouth in question, but I cut him off, smirking as I continued, "I'll tell her myself."

...

I finally tore myself from the shower of hot water that had been soaking my skin for near enough the past hour. Having not washed for a couple of days, I hadn't realised how much I'd missed showering. I brushed the knots out of my clean but soaking wet hair and rubbed the towel against the stands, tousling the excess water from their length. I brushed my teeth and changed into some fresh comfy clothes, leaving my damp hair to cascade around my shoulders and down my back. My Mom was pleasantly surprised when I told her I was going to see Johanna for a while. Her face lit up and tears brewed in her grey-green eyes, though she tried to hide her relief in my changed state of mind, probably to reassure me that she'd never given up on me. She was trying to act as though she had always known I'd recover from the loss soon enough. But the tears in her eyes proved she'd been scared. I think everyone had been scared for me.

I exhaled a deep breath as I gently knocked twice on the door of the all too familiar compartment. My mind couldn't help but flash back to the time I'd pressed Johanna against this very door, crashing my lips against hers before we'd even had a chance to lock it.

My breath hitched as the door opened and my eyes met her familiar brown orbs. The look I found when I searched them for a reaction, considering neither of us had spoken for a few beats, mirrored my own. Seeing Johanna now after being away from her for a week, made me realise how unmistakably important she had become to me. Just one look at her and she could quite literally take my breath away. I dragged my eyes down the length of her body, my gaze reuniting with her petite curves and the strong definition of her arm and leg muscles. Her hair was swept back into a ponytail with her fringe hanging loosely as usual. She was wearing a baggy black tank top with skin tight black leggings, her face was glistening wet as were a few strands of her fringe. It looked as though she'd been working out and had just dabbed some water over her face before she'd answered the door. I smiled internally that she was continuing to confront her fear of water and couldn't contain the emotion from spreading wide across my face when I finally returned my gaze back to her eyes. God, I'd missed her.

She returned the smile, although much softer than mine and opened the door wide, gesturing for me to come in. I obliged and took a few steps behind her, turning around to face her as she closed the door and nuzzled straight into my embrace. Her arms wrapped perfectly around my waist as she nestled her face into my shoulder, inhaling the smell of shampoo still fresh on my damp hair. I gripped my fingers through her thick, dark locks and sunk my lips against the top of her head, kissing her hair repeatedly in an attempt to make up for the lost time.

"I thought I'd lost you." My heart sank as she whispered so helplessly into my neck. The mixture of fear and relief behind her words evidence that she cared about me, just as much as I cared about her. I pulled away from our embrace so I could look at her as we spoke. I shuddered as she laced the tip of her fingers down the skin of my cheek and along the length of my jaw, the touch I'd spent the last few nights craving finally igniting my body with that familiar warmth again. She spoke again before I could respond. "I thought I should give you some space, some time. A few days to yourself." I nodded. "But it's been over a week." Her voice cracked in her throat, "I thought you'd realised you didn't need me."

I pulled away from our embrace so I could look at her as we spoke, my body shuddering as she raised her fingertips to trace down the length of my cheek and along my jawline. I laced my fingers through hers, looking down at our intertwined hands as I spoke, my honesty evident in my tone of voice. "I realised quite the opposite."

...

We spent the next few hours talking about the last few days. I learnt that Johanna had actually just got back from a run through the forest. She'd apparently been throwing herself into running and training to distract herself from the ache of my absence. She'd scoffed on numerous occasions at how ridiculously codependent she sounded; something she wasn't used to feeling at all. But it felt nice to hear her open up like this, completely vulnerable and trusting in me. It felt amazing, actually. I'd brought out an entirely different side of Johanna Mason. A special side, reserved only for me. I informed her that I of course wouldn't miss Finnick and Annie's wedding for the world, but couldn't help the crimson that spread across my cheeks when she asked if I would be her date for the night. We hadn't exactly gone public on whatever this thing between us was. We hadn't seen anybody to tell them. Although, when it came to it, I don't even know what I would tell people anyway. I agreed anyhow, when Johanna reminded me that everybody I cared about pretty much knew there was something happening between us anyway. Were we really that obvious?

I assured her that my feelings for her hadn't changed at all, explaining how I just felt guilty for feeling them, _unworthy_ of feeling them; as stupid as that may sound. I explained how I didn't feel ready to snap back into the bubble we'd been living in. It wouldn't be fair to her if I tried to go back to that place too soon; I'd just end up pushing her further away. She knew I needed to grieve for Prim completely. She insisted that when I felt wholly ready, we could start to try and pick up the pieces and build our lives back together in this new Panem, free from Snow. She'd ran her fingers delicately through my slightly damp locks of hair, promising me that I didn't need to rush. I could take my time, she wasn't going anywhere. She understood. In fact, she understood better than most people, how it felt to lose someone you love. She knew how much I cared about Prim. I think most people did.

We lay on Johanna's bed with our bodies pressed firmly together, clinging to one another as though we never wanted to let go. My body betrayed me, leaving a trail of goosebumps in Johanna's wake as she traced the back of her fingers along the length of my side. She'd spent the last twenty minutes or so touching every inch of my skin, memorising every curve and contour as though she had never seen my body before. I couldn't deny how incredible it felt to have Johanna touching me again. The brush of her fingers felt even more amazing than I had remembered. It set my skin on fire, in the best kind of way.

I decided to spend that night with Johanna. We were both so wrapped up in the feeling of being with one another again, that I couldn't bring myself to leave her. I would go back to the compartment with my Mother tomorrow. But for tonight I could try to escape the trance I'd been trapped in for the past several days. Just being in Johanna's arms made me feel safe again. I nestled my face into the chest of the other girl, inhaling her piney scent as she kissed the top of my head softly. I laced my fingers through hers and brought our interlocked hands up to kiss the back of her hand, before placing them to rest on the other girl's hip.

I exhaled as our bodies relaxed into each other and my eyes began to drift off into a peaceful sleep.

For the first time since Haymitch had broken the news about Prim, I could honestly say I felt like maybe things were going to be okay again.

* * *

**A/N: **Ok so I've spent the entire day at my Nan's house writing this chapter. It was initially quite a lot longer and as I went to upload it, her ancient computer crashed and deleted the whole thing. It's fair to say I threw some things around my Nan's bedroom and may or may not have screamed with anger. But, as you can see I attempted to re write it and managed to get an update up anyway. Sorry about all the angst and the lack of Joniss in the past couple of chapters, but I hope you're still enjoying this story!

Also, just throwing this out there - Jena Malone's band The Shoe tweeted me today. So I'm assuming it was Jena off the band's account. (That's the real reason I wanted to get another chapter up. I was so happy that me and Jena are one step closer to getting married.)


	18. Chapter 18

The ceremony had taken place in the early afternoon above the grounds of Thirteen and had ran perfectly from start to finish. The healthy green grass which had grown back over the years without the disruption of passing feet like all of the other districts, was laced with hundreds of white petals and a beautiful white alter was assembled at the end of the aisle. Rows and rows of also white chairs surrounded the aisle and were filled right to the very back strip with joyous guests, all whom were buzzing with excitement for this momentous occasion. There was barely a cloud in the sky and the birds passing overheard seemed to glide with even more ease than usual and sing louder than ever before, almost reflecting the reality of the new untroubled beginning that each of the wedding guests was eager to begin.

The ceremony ended with the exchanging of 'I do's' and the announcement of a man and his new wife, followed by a kiss which managed to take even Haymitch's breath away. I don't think there was a dry eye in the house. We'd all flitted back to our compartments to change into more appropriate clothes for the party which was to run throughout the night, in the grand dining hall of Thirteen. Coin had apparently pulled out all of the stops for a final celebration, before all of District Thirteens' more recent inhabitants were to move back to their old homes, which were in the final stages of being rebuilt.

...

I took one last look in the mirror and ran my fingers over the smooth of my hair. My for once straightened brunette locks were slicked back into a ponytail, completely exposing my lightly makeup covered features, deep red lips and silver earrings which were dangling from my lobes. I was wearing a skin tight, long sleeved black dress which scooped into a very low back and cut off just above my knee. I noticed how for the first time in days I had colour in my cheeks and life in my eyes. Since seeing Johanna the other night, things had started to get a little better. We'd ended up spending the next day together as well, out in the forest under the canopy of trees. She'd helped me to realise that I couldn't let my grief for Prim overcome me. Yes, I still needed time. But she promised to be there for me every step of the way if I needed her. The Odair wedding this afternoon had reminded me of the reasons why we'd lost some incredible people along the way. It reminded me of the positive future ahead of us, which people like Peeta and my sister had helped in making possible. They'd sacrificed themselves for this, so I suppose the least I could do to repay them was enjoy it.

I swigged down a large glass of red wine in four huge mouthfuls before walking over to Johanna's room hesitantly. The alcohol would take a while to kick in and I was nervous about attending the celebration with the older woman as my _date. _I wasn't at all used to being around her in the company of other people and I didn't quite know how we were supposed to act. I hadn't been around anybody other than my Mom, Johanna, Haymitch and Gale over the past several days, so the thought of being placed into a room filled with people, with Johanna Mason by my side, was overwhelming to say the least. But I knew the focus would of course be on the newlyweds and so I guess I was worrying for nothing. The anticipation of the alcohol I was planning on consuming helped to steady my nerves, as well. I guess I could try and forget about the past tonight and embrace the potential for the happy future ahead of us. It was just hard knowing Prim wouldn't be a part of it.

I stopped outside the door of the compartment Johanna and I used to share and lifted my arm to knock, withdrawing it to my side as I heard the sound of voices and realised she wasn't alone. I couldn't make out what was being said, but I could hear her muffled voice ranting from behind the door. She sounded angry.

I pressed my ear against the white painted wood in time to hear Johanna's raised voice snapping irritably at whoever she was with.

"_Please_ tell me you're joking?"

"She's Annie's cousin, Jo. We couldn't exactly not invite her!" _Finnick_. I frowned in confusion, pressing my ear closer to the door as I couldn't quite make out Johanna's mutterings in response. I didn't really have time to get my head around whatever they were arguing about as I heard footsteps fast approaching the door. I whipped my neck up and took a step back as the sound of Johanna grumbling what sounded like a string of expletives, got closer and closer. I took another couple of steps back as I saw the door handle turn, timing it perfectly so that when the door swung open it appeared as though I'd literally just arrived outside the room.

"Katniss!" Finnick exclaimed in a slightly over the top tone, as if to warn Johanna of my presence. He smiled genuinely though, an all over glow seeming to radiate from his body which was smartly clad in a black suit and tie, with a crisp white shirt underneath. I was more than ecstatic for the man in front of me, so it wasn't hard to smile back in spite of my confusion.

"I've got to get back to Annie and get to the party before everyone starts arriving, but I'll see you in five yeah?" I smiled in response as he darted past me, shouting congratulations down the corridor after him and giggling as he yelled in thanks right from the other end, his grin evident even in his voice. I turned back around and took a step forward, stopping still in the compartment door as my eyes met the breathtaking figure which stood before me.

Johanna was laced in a gorgeous, cherry red floor length dress which hugged the upper of her figure and draped elegantly over the bottom half. The front of her dress was a very low cut v shape, leaving little to the imagination in terms of her breasts and exposing her definite lack of underwear. Her dark fringe was pin straight and as usual covering her forehead, whilst the rest of her hair was pulled back into a high bun. Her eye makeup was dark and bold, whilst the remainder of her face was pretty neutral. I would have been drawn straight to her piercing, dark eyes if it wasn't for the design of her dress.

I swallowed hard as my eyes lingered on the unexpected exposure of her chest, a familiar heat rushing through me that I hadn't experienced since we were back at the cabin and the girl had been straddled over my lap.

I finally drew my eyes up from their trance to find the other girl not even attempting to suppress her smirk at my obvious ogling at her breasts. A blush made itself evident on my cheeks and I flicked my gaze to the ground for a moment, only meeting Johanna's smirking eyes as her fingers lifted my chin gently upwards. I shuddered slightly at the contact but relaxed into her touch as her smirk turned into a warm, indisputably happy smile. The smile I hadn't realised how much I'd missed looking at.

"You look incredible." I choked out in a whisper.

"You don't look so bad yourself, brainless." I found myself still unable to tear my eyes from Johanna's figure as she turned around and walked over to the bedside table. It was crazy how much I desired this girl in a way I'd never wanted anyone before. If she'd have asked to miss the party, lock the door and stay in the bedroom all night, then I would have complied without a second of objection. Despite how incredible the dress looked on the older woman, how it hugged her curves and accentuated her backside _flawlessly_; all I wanted to do was rip it right off her back. She walked back over and handed me a glass filled with clear liquid, smiling at me knowingly as my eyes widened remembering the last time I'd drank the stuff.

"Déjà vu." I muttered, bringing the liquid to my nose and grimacing just slightly less than I had that first time, as I smelt the fumes. The smell held a lot more meaning this time. It took me back to the memory of Finnick and Annie's engagement party, when Johanna and I had sat in this very compartment and drank enough of the liquor that I'd been wasted before I even got to the party. I hadn't been too drunk to forget about what had happened between me and Johanna the next day, just drunk enough to let anything happen in the first place. I'd needed the confidence which came hand in hand with the alcohol to pluck up the courage to initiate our first kiss. Although if I was being completely honest, I'd wanted to kiss her for a _long_ time before that night.

"It's crazy how much has changed since that night, isn't it?" Johanna rhetorically questioned, as if reading my mind. I met her gaze to find a mixture of delight and sadness evident in her eyes. The sadness was for Prim, of course. And the change her death had brought upon me. But the happiness I saw in her orbs definitely overpowered the negative. The success of the rebellion, the death of Snow, the marriage of our friends, the reality of a happy future for all of the innocent people of Panem and of course the relationship that had blossomed between the two of us. Before that night, it was as if the both of us had been stepping on egg shells around each other. Both of us too afraid to make the first move in case we'd interpreted all of the signs wrong. That night had been the beginning of something that I now couldn't imagine being without. That night had been the night when I'd realised, I was beginning to fall in love with Johanna Mason.

She raised her glass and clinked it against mine, our eyes locking intensely before we both brought our glasses to our lips and swallowed the liquid all at once. I shuddered as the liquor slid down my throat leaving a trail of warmth behind it and then setting my stomach alight, the heat sending a buzz throughout my body and giving me the extra surge of confidence that I'd felt like I was lacking before. The other woman took the empty glass from my hand and placed it on the bedside table beside hers.

"After you." She smiled warmly and gestured to the door, following after me as I turned to leave for the party. I went to turn the handle but stopped in my tracks as I felt the presence of her body right up behind me. I shuddered momentarily as I felt her fingers against my wrist, but before I could turn myself to face her; she spun me around and kissed me full on the lips. I'd almost forgotten how right it felt to kiss her. The heat against my lips immediately rushed right through my body, sending goose bumps over every inch of my skin. I sunk into the kiss for a split second before she pulled away, leaving my eyelids fluttered closed for a few moments as I savoured the feeling of her lips against mine. She gave me back the fire I'd been lacking.

"Katniss, you really do look amazing."

I giggled when I opened my eyes and saw the stain of my red lipstick evident on Johanna's previously pale lips. It was kind of hot though, seeing my makeup smeared across her mouth. I gently wiped away the evidence with my thumb and found myself automatically trailing the back of my index finger along the length of her jaw, taking in the sight of the woman stood before me as she relaxed into my touch. She leant forward and hovered her lips inches away from mine, causing my breath to hitch in my throat as she whispered softly against my skin.

"I don't care if I'm not the one who got married today. I'm definitely going to be the luckiest person in that room tonight."

...

By the time Johanna and I made it to the dining hall, the party was already in full swing. Every face in sight was completed with a smile and the sound of laughter filled the air. The dance floor was full of people, spinning each other around, lifting up their children and clapping in time to the music. The happiness which radiated from within the four walls was contagious; everybody seemed to be enjoying themselves, for the first time they all seemed completely carefree.

I noticed my Mom sat over on a table with Haymitch, Gale and Gale's family and so I began to head over. With a little help from the alcohol flowing through me, I kept my fingers interlocked through Johanna's as I led her over to the table occupied by our friends.

Haymitch, who was evidently intoxicated, raised his eyebrows and smirked at our public show of affection. He'd known for a long time, he could read me like a book. But even he was surprised at my new found confidence with the situation. Don't get me wrong, my heart was beating like crazy at the fact I was still holding onto the other girl's hand, so much so that I couldn't quite bring myself to meet anyone's gaze. I rolled my eyes with a smirk as he muttered something that sounded like 'I'll drink to that,' under his breath and took what was probably his twentieth swig from his flask. I noticed Gale looking uncomfortable out of the corner of my eye, although he didn't exactly look surprised. Perhaps there really had always been some kind of connection between Johanna and me. An obvious chemistry we hadn't even realised we had.

"Girls, please, sit down!" My Mom broke the slightly awkward standstill and beamed towards us warmly, completely unfazed by our interlocked hands. Then again, this was nothing compared to the huge bruise she'd seen on Johanna's neck a couple of weeks ago.

Come to think of it, everyone clearly already knew. They'd all just been waiting for us to admit it ourselves. I let go of her hand and sat down next to Gale, crossing my right leg over my left thigh and relaxing as Johanna handed me a glass of wine. I raised my glass to hers and smiled genuinely as she winked at me, reassuring me that things were okay, that tonight was going to be a fabulous night.

...

I'd spent the last ten minutes in fits of giggles watching Haymitch and Gale as they threw Johanna and my Mom around on the dance floor. I watched with a smile across my face, as my Mom twirled Johanna around, the pair of them laughing and dancing together. It was nice to see the people who were most important to me all together, and all happy and smiling.

Despite the hundreds of vibrantly clothed guests, all dressed in their best outfits and buzzing around in celebration, I found my eyes glued to Johanna like I was a moth and she was the flame. The way she could make my insides burn just from her presence in the room was so extraordinary to me. She was the treasured story I'd finally found in a book of empty words. I watched in awe as she joked around with Haymitch, the red of her dress almost alight with the reflection of the bright chandeliers. She truly stood out like a candle among the darkness. And I was so proud in knowing she felt the same way about me. I smiled widely as her brown orbs caught contact with mine. Even from across the room I could see it in her eyes, how happy she was. And I knew that I needed to stay strong after tonight. I couldn't shut Johanna out again; she still needed me like I needed her.

I decided there and then it that moment, watching Johanna dancing with my Mom and our friends, that she was the person I wanted to be with. I guess deep down I'd known that anyway. I just hadn't admitted it to myself until now. Tonight really was a celebration, the beginning of our new lives. After this week, when we'd moved out of Thirteen, we could all start to piece ourselves back together, surrounded by the people who had stood by us through the hardships of the rebellion. If Johanna would let me, I was going to make the last week or so up to her. I was going to show her how much she meant to me. Snow was gone. So there was nothing left to stand in the way of our being happy together.

I took a long swig from my glass of wine, giggling to myself quietly as I realised the effect my wine consumption was beginning to have over my body. The vodka before the party hadn't helped either. I started to turn myself back around to face the dance floor, when a tall, blonde figure caught my eye from across the room. The woman was wearing a dark green, skin tight, strapless dress which cut off mid thigh and would have left practically nothing to the imagination if it wasn't for her long, fair hair which was cascading freely to just above her hips. Her hair was incredible. Her figure was perfect. Her face was stunning. And pretty much every man whom she walked past was left staring after her with a dumbstruck look across their faces. I couldn't help but stare myself, but more out of intrigue to who the hell she was and why she seemed to be heading straight towards me.

I whipped my gaze away as she continued to swiftly approach me, turning myself back to the table and once again swigging from my near empty glass of wine in the hope of looking occupied. I felt the figure slick past me and as I placed my glass back on the table, the mysterious blonde made herself comfortable in the chair directly to my right. The one where Johanna had previously been sitting.

"Katniss Everdeen," she paused and traced her eyes over the length of my features, continuing her gaze down the length of my body before whipping her stare back up to my eyes. "What an honour."

I couldn't decipher whether her words were genuine or dripping with sarcasm, so I upturned the corners of my mouth just slightly in response. There was something overwhelmingly intimidating about this woman, something beyond the obvious surface features. Despite this being the first time we'd met - I definitely would have remembered if I'd met her before - her green eyes were looking deep into me as though she knew much more about me than I did her. But then again, most people in this room knew more about _'the girl on_ _fire'_ than I knew about them.

I watched timidly as she poured herself a glass of wine, my eyes widening slightly as she downed the contents of the glass in one. She fluttered her eyelids shut and sighed before propping her elbow against the table and turning her body so she was completely facing me. The corners of her mouth upturned in a smirk at my lack of response. She seemed to be loving how uncomfortable she'd already so easily managed to make me feel.

"Oh sorry, how rude of me not to introduce myself. I'm Ava Grey."

Ava Grey_. Ava? _The revealing of her name for some reason felt as though it had burnt a hole through my head. But I couldn't quite place it. Where had I heard the name Ava before?

My continued lack of response and the look of confusion that must have been evident across my features caused her to chuckle, somewhat _mischievously._ I couldn't quite work out what it was about this girl, but something about her was making me feel really on edge. Her gaze flicked over my shoulders and her sea green eyes glistened as she found the something, or the _someone_, that she'd been looking for.

"I'm Annie's cousin. I know your _friend,_ Johanna." She whipped her stare back to me and locked her eyes firmly on mine, not even flinching as she confirmed the realisation that hit me like a bullet to the chest. Her words were heavy with hidden meaning, and their weight was already starting to pull me down. I flashed back to that morning in the cabin when Johanna had confessed her real feelings towards me, when she'd told me she'd been ready to sleep with me.

_'I felt so ready to give myself to you like that, for the first time since I'd had sex with anyone that meant anything to me since Ava.'_

My eyes widened. Ava was Johanna's ex girlfriend. Her appearance alone had intimidated me, but now, now I knew she was the last person that Johanna had slept with before me. She was the last person that had meant something to Johanna, before me. And she wasn't dead. She was here, sitting right in front of me.

I cleared my throat and adjusted my position in the chair, trying to act as unfazed as I possibly could as she continued to stare at me. The hints of a smile were evident across her lips, but it didn't seem genuine. And I guess now I knew why.

"Oh. Well, it's nice to meet you, Ava." I paused. "Johanna's never mentioned you." I struggled to hide a wicked smile as my words wiped her expression away from her smug face. If she was trying to threaten me, I wasn't going to give her the satisfaction.

"Johanna doesn't tend to open up to people," She retorted without hesitation, offering me a smile that on the surface seemed innocent, but we both knew it wasn't. I shuffled in my seat and topped up my glass of wine, refilling Ava's glass as I did so. We both sipped in silence for a few moments as the tension lay thick in the air. We both knew who the other was. But we didn't know the details. I had no idea about what had gone on between her and Johanna. I don't think I really wanted to know either. But from the smug, self righteous look on her face, as soon as Ava opened her mouth, I knew I was about to find out.

"You know, it just didn't make sense to me, how complacent Johanna felt about letting herself die in that arena." She flicked her gaze behind me momentarily, before returning her green orbs back to me. "To save _you. _Some young girl that she didn't even know. From what she'd seen of you, she couldn't even stand you – what with your tacky romantic drama and defender of the helpless act." Her tone was bitter now and she was practically glaring at me. "But the prospect of rebellion and the idea of you as the Mockingjay, that overrode her dislike towards you. That was more important. The thought of Snow lying cold and lifeless on the ground clouded her senses. Revenge was more important to her, than _anything_." I could hear the hurt in her voice now. "The last time I saw her we were saying what I thought was our final goodbye. She thought it was too... Our relationship ended because the prospect of her death was inevitable. Our relationship only ended because she'd decided to die to save you." She laughed, cackled even. But an underlying sadness seeped through her bitter tone. "I didn't realise that once she escaped from that arena alive, she'd be getting cosy with somebody else."

I stiffened in my chair, Ava's confession making my head dizzy with realisation. I opened my mouth to respond, but she interjected.

"I mean for heaven's sake, we only said our goodbyes a week before you went into that arena." She ran her fingers through her hair and leant back into the seat, swigging from her glass of wine as she did so, "I still have the scratch scars to prove it."

I coughed as I choked slightly on my mouthful of wine, her last remark unnerving me completely. I felt sick at the thought of the scars that were hidden underneath the green material; scars that _Johanna _had given her during sex.

My head was spinning all over the place with this new information. But also with fear. I mean, now Ava was back, would this change things between me and Johanna? The blonde was absolutely flawless. She was that kind of crazy beautiful that seemed as if it could stop wars. I don't see how I could even compare to her, especially with how much I'd neglected Johanna over the last several days. Maybe seeing Ava would remind her of what she used to have, before the Quell. I could see the look of satisfaction had returned to Ava's features as she watched me squirm in my seat. _What a bitch_. She was loving this.

I managed to smile with realisation as I thought back to the conversation I'd overheard between Finnick and Johanna this evening. Johanna had known Ava was coming to the party, and she hadn't been happy about it. Johanna hadn't changed how she'd acted towards me at all, either.

I realised this confidence Ava was projecting at me was a front. She knew I was the one who Johanna was taking home tonight. And I think she knew there was nothing she could do about it. I was about to respond with my new found confidence, when I was interrupted once again.

"Talk of the devil." Ava stated to the space behind me. I turned to face Johanna as she slipped onto the seat at the other side of me to Ava, placing her hand on my thigh as she did so. She looked slightly terrified, more uncomfortable than I'd ever imagined someone would be able to make Johanna Mason feel. She gripped against the bare of my leg as my dress had risen up slightly, the warmth of her skin against mine comforting me almost immediately.

"Ava." She replied, in an almost emotionless tone. But I knew her well; I could hear it in her voice. She was out of her depth right now, with the both of us here.

"I was just getting to know your girlfriend here. Wasn't I, Katniss?" Her voice was a mixture of sweet and sour as she flicked her gaze to Johanna's presence against my thigh. I could feel Johanna's hand flinch slightly. I could practically cut the awkward tension with a knife. I nodded in response to Ava's addressing me and placed my hand on top of Johanna's, giving it a squeeze as I did so.

"Ava, what are you doing? This isn't the time or the place." The tension thickened as I felt Johanna and Ava lock their eyes on one another. I looked down uncomfortably, unsure of what I was supposed to do or where I was supposed to look.

"So when is the time, Jo?" The blonde retorted. "Because after the Quell, I was lying in our bed, every single fucking night, waiting for you to call, wondering why you hadn't. I didn't really understand why no one would give me any answers. Until I saw the footage from Annie's engagement." She scoffed. "I couldn't quite believe my eyes when I saw you two dancing. I thought it was a show, for the cameras, for Snow. But then I saw how you were looking at her; like you used to look at me. Do you understand how fucking pathetic I feel?"

Johanna removed her grip from my thigh and exhaled shakily.

"Katniss." She spoke softly, "Can you just, can you wait here? I need to talk to Ava."

I flicked my eyes to Johanna's and nodded my head as casually as I possibly could. But I knew she could see the fear in my eyes.

"I won't be long okay, sweetie." She leaned forward and kissed me gently on my temple before turning on her heels and walking towards the door, without saying a word to Ava. I felt a slight warmth break through the ice cold fear that had filled my veins. I felt almost relieved that she'd called me that, and kissed me in front of Ava. I guess I didn't have anything to worry about, I reassured myself.

Although one final look at the blonde sent the fear running straight back through me. She was fucking breathtakingly beautiful.

"It was nice to finally meet you Katniss." The blonde stood up as though nothing had happened and strutted after Johanna, once again turning the heads of every male in the room and leaving me sat helpless and alone at the big empty table.

...

I threw Johanna against the door outside of the compartment and crashed my lips against hers, kissing her with a desire even stronger than ever before. After being sat at the table sick with worry for nearly half an hour, I hadn't even given Johanna a chance to speak when she'd finally returned. When she'd opened her mouth to speak what I can only assume would have been an apology, I'd stood up and pressed my lips against hers, eliciting a wolf whistle from Finnick and a rather embarrassing round of applause from the majority of the guests as I'd led her assertively out of the dining hall.

Our mouths didn't lose contact for a second as I fumbled with the handle and eventually unlocked the door, flinging the older woman against the wall as I slammed the door shut behind me. I didn't wait for even a second before pulling my dress up over my head, revealing my braless breasts and tiny black panties. I kept my stare locked into Johanna's eyes intently as she gasped and bit down hard against her lip as if she'd never seen me naked before. The time I'd spent apart from her had only made me crave her more. And evidently, the other woman felt exactly the same.

I pulled my earrings from my lobes and tossed them to the ground before surging forward and colliding my lips hungrily against Johanna's, our tongue's immediately leaving our own mouths and duelling for dominance as our hands grabbed at every inch of flesh we could manage. I groaned at the material which was covering Johanna's body, desperate for the feel of her skin against mine. I needed to feel every curve and crevice of the body I'd come to know so well. I managed to rip myself away from the other woman, our heavy breaths which filled the air being the only sound in the otherwise silent room. I slipped the sleeves of Johanna's dress slowly over her shoulders and watched as they dropped down the length of her arm, revealing her perfectly round, naked breasts underneath. I locked my grey eyes onto her own as my fingertips laced teasingly from her collarbones, over her breasts and down her stomach pulling the body of her dress with them and pushing it over her hips so it could drop to her ankles. She stepped out of the material and kicked it away, pulling her hair out of its bun and letting her raven coloured locks fall naturally around her shoulders.

Standing here naked, in front of me, she looked like my Johanna again. The beautifully vulnerable Johanna that I'd come to know. The ache that became evident both in my chest and between my legs reminded me how much I'd missed her. How much I'd miss _this_. How much I'd missed _us._

I let my eyes trace slowly down from her deep brown eyes and over every exposed inch of her body, biting my lip and grinning in anticipation as I noticed she wasn't wearing any underwear at all. I needed her to know how much I wanted her, how much I _needed_ her. I guess I was kind of afraid she'd forgotten the heat that we had. Johanna was beautiful. Definitely the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen. She could get anyone she wanted. Ava was living proof of that. I shuddered at the thought of Johanna and Ava together, just knowing that she was the last person Johanna had been with before me made my skin crawl and my chest tight. I wanted to be the last person on Johanna's mind as she fell to sleep tonight, not the green eyed, blonde haired beauty that had graced us with the _pleasure_ of her company tonight. Anger surged through me at the thought of the two of them together. I wanted more than anything for Johanna to be mine. Johanna _was_ mine.

Fuelled by an angry passion I flung her around, pressing her front against the wall as my own body trapped her there, my breasts pressed against her shoulder blades and the lace of my panties brushing against the small of her back. Johanna let out a gasp as I wrapped my arms around her waist and scraped my fingers down past her hips and gripped against her groin. I wanted to tease her. I wanted to drag this out slowly. But the heavy breaths that were escaping the other woman and the feeling of her backside pressed against my centre was sending me over the edge.

I slid my two fingers down the silk of her clit, eliciting a moan which caused me to moan myself. I circled my fingers against her nub briefly before flattening out the palm of my hand and curling my fingers deep inside her, causing a moan to escape from the back of Johanna's throat. I stretched out my fingers before curling them back down, creating a gentle rhythm which Johanna began to buck her hips against. The sensation of her backside pressing in an alternating pressure against my own nerves and the feeling of her soaking wet arousal coating my fingers forced me to bite down hard against the skin of her shoulder in order to stifle my own moans.

I picked up the pace of my movements inside her and began to circle the pad of my thumb lightly against her clit as I could hear her breaths becoming louder and more desperate. She cried out in pleasure at the added pressure of my thumb and began to buck herself with more force against my contact.

"Fuck, Katniss." She hissed.

I removed my thumb from her clit but continued to fuck her forcefully as my free hand tugged against her hair turning her head around to face me slightly, allowing our eyes to meet momentarily and my mouth to find hers again. She moaned into the wetness of the kiss as I withdrew my fingers slowly, pushing them back inside her at the same teasing speed and repeating the motion as I sucked and pulled roughly against her bottom lip.

"Katniss. Faster." She pleaded breathlessly against my lips. "Please."

I moaned into her mouth at how arousing it was to hear her beg, but I didn't comply. She groaned as I removed my fingers from her completely, dragging my fingertips around her waist and leaving a trail of liquid in my wake. I kissed and licked at her shoulder blades as my fingers raked up and down her thighs and ass, causing Johanna to rock her hips in desperation for some friction against where she needed me to return. I moaned and bit down hard against where her neck met her shoulder as I slid my two fingers inside her, fucking her from behind and using the thumb of my free hand to draw circles over her nipple.

She bent her body over and held herself against the wall with the palms of her hands, giving me by far the sexiest view I'd ever seen in my life. I continued to curl my fingers inside her in a steady rhythm as her backside pressed against my now soaking wet centre at an ever increasing speed. She was desperate for release, but I wasn't quite ready to give it to her. I used my leverage from inside her and my grip against her breast to pull her back into an upright position, pressing my body firmly against hers and trapping her as I removed my glistening wet fingers from between her legs.

"Katnisssss." She groaned in complaint as I prolonged her wait even further. I wanted her to be literally gagging for release when she finally came. Seeing Ava had elicited a fear from deep inside me, a fear I didn't even realise I'd had. I wanted to be good enough for Johanna. I needed to be better for Johanna than Ava had been. I needed to make her feel the way she made me feel. Because surely there was no better feeling than that.

I slid down the length of her body and positioned myself on my knees, spreading her thighs apart with my hands and digging my nails firmly into the cheeks of her ass. I didn't hesitate for a second before burying my face between her legs and swirling my tongue against the tang of her centre. I hummed as the taste of her arousal filled my mouth and I couldn't resist but to bring the pad of my index finger to circle her clit once again, causing liquid to seep from her centre as I lapped it up eagerly with my tongue. I placed wet open mouthed kisses against her folds as she struggled to suppress her increasing moans, before slicking my index finger inside her with ease. I removed my mouth from her sex and ascended slowly so I was back standing behind her, my index finger still positioned between her walls, but to her annoyance simply moving in soft circles inside her.

"Katniss. Please." She sighed in frustration as I once again removed myself from inside her, the liquid that was coating most of my hand a signal of how desperate she was for release.

I whipped her body around to face me and pressed her backside against the wall, crashing my lips against hers again and causing a throaty moan as I forced her to taste herself on my tongue. I wrapped my hands around the back of her thighs and slid her up against the wall, pulling her hips towards me and then pressing myself against her as she wrapped her legs around my hips. I pulled away from the kiss and hovered my face in front of hers, our eyes locked on one another's intently and our lips just about touching as I slid my fingers down her wetness and pushed myself inside her, deeper than I'd been before. She closed her eyes and threw her head back, digging her hips hard against mine. I picked up my pace, circling and stretching my fingers inside her, reaching every inch of her walls and causing her to grip her nails tight into the skin of my shoulders. Her moans became louder and more uncontrolled; I could feel her body becoming so close to the edge.

"I want you to look at me when you cum." I slicked in a third finger as I spoke, her mouth opening wide in a gasp as she returned her eyes to meet my intense gaze. The arousal of my words mixed with the addition of an extra finger had sent her even closer to her climax.

"Oh my god. _Fuck_. Katniss."

I could feel her walls began to tighten around my fingers as she came dangerously close to coming undone, an orgasm threatening to take over her body completely.

"I love you." I confessed breathlessly, but honestly. I kept my eyes on hers as I curled my fingers one final time, causing her to shriek out as her climax finally overtook her. I surged my face forward, our tongues colliding as she screamed out into my mouth, her body juddering as she rode out her orgasm. After a few moments, I could feel her rhythm begin to slow and her legs begin to tremble as she finished, so I placed my thumb firmly against her clit and flicked against it as I curled my fingers against her g-spot.

"Mmm. Oh. Oh." She hissed out desperately as her body gave in and sent her immediately into another whirling orgasm, not giving her even ten seconds to calm herself. She bit down hard against the skin of my shoulder as she reached the climax of her second orgasm, her entire body convulsing as my fingers were completely soaked in her arousal. I removed myself from inside her and gently placed her legs back to the ground before wrapping my arms around her waist and kissing into her hair softly. She gripped tight against my shoulders and panted heavily into my neck as her body tried to recover. She was still shaking quite violently and both of our heart rates were beating erratically together. Goosebumps coated my skin as she placed a delicate open mouthed kiss against the small of my neck.

I shuddered as I felt the warmth of her breath against my skin.

"I love you, too."

* * *

**A/N: **Apologies for the fact it's taken me a week to update, I haven't been very well and I've been super busy so just haven't had the time. I'll try to get the next chapter up much quicker! Thank you for the continued reviews, favourites and follows - I really appreciate it :)


	19. Chapter 19

I rubbed against my eyes as the heat of the sun seeped through the window and its light broke through the gap in the curtains, forming a bright line right over my face. I half opened my sleepy grey eyes and smiled, breathing in the smell of the other girl's skin as I realised I was still curled into her embrace from the night before. I wrapped my arm back around her waist and my fingers automatically drew lazy circles against her ribs as I closed my eyes again and buried my face deeper into her chest. We hadn't gotten to sleep until the early hours of the morning and had of course fallen asleep naked, and so I could feel the goose bumps which swiftly developed across the skin of her ribs from my touch. She groaned and I felt her stir underneath me as she began to wake, so I kissed a long, gentle open mouthed kiss against the small of her neck, smiling as I felt a soft shudder travel through her body.

"Morning." I murmured against the skin of her neck, eliciting another tremble from beneath me.

Despite the unexpected visit from Johanna's ex girlfriend, last night had been pretty perfect. Being back with Johanna after spending some apart had made me realise the extent of my feelings for her. The jealousy that I'd felt from seeing Ava helped to confirm them, too. And finally having sex with Johanna again... That had sent me over the edge. It was almost unbelievable that she felt the same way about me that I did her, but somehow she did. I smiled and gripped against the skin of her waist as I remembered that we'd told each other we love one another last night. Hearing those words escape from the other woman's lips had made me feel alive in ways I could never have imagined feeling. It made me feel unbreakable, like her love was this rare and extraordinary shield and nothing could touch me anymore. I am fast falling in love with Johanna Mason. And Johanna Mason is falling in love with me.

"Morning, you." A rush of warmth spread through my stomach as the older girl thread her fingers through my hair and kissed the top of my head gently, tracing shapes against the small of my back where her other hand was. I couldn't help but arch myself forward; the touch of her fingers against my skin spreading the warmth from my stomach to between my legs. I automatically lifted my leg to wrap around hers, clenching our skin closer together and causing my centre to press slightly against the side of her thigh. We both let out a slightly heavier breath at the contact, Johanna giggling as she spoke sleepily against my hair. "You still want more, even after our marathon last night?"

I chuckled against her chest as I replayed the recent hours we'd spent fucking each other until it was beginning to get light outside. When we'd finally stopped (and only because we were both shaking so much that we couldn't quite control ourselves to continue) we could actually hear the faint sound of birds singing. Although, when I think back, I don't even know if fucking is the right word. At first it definitely was; when I took her against the wall. But then after our confession it changed. The sex was different after that. It still felt just as incredible, if not more so. And nothing changed in the sense of how we physically touched each other - but I think it was more mental. It felt as though from that point, we literally were _making love_. Each touch portraying the emotions we felt inside for each other and speaking the words our hearts and minds were so desperate to share. Even the roughest of movements against each other's arousal, was laced with a gentleness. Every kiss, every touch, every taste. It all felt special. It all felt so _right_. From that moment on we'd confirmed that this wasn't just two people using each other to fill a void, because we were bored or desperate or because it felt good. It was two people who hadn't exactly meant to, but were fast falling in love.

I rolled myself on top of the other girl and couldn't help but grin as I saw her face for the first time that day. Her hair was almost as dishevelled as a birds nest and her face was only half free from makeup, where it had been kissed, licked and sweated off. Where her eyeliner hadn't been rubbed off completely, it was smudged around her eyes and the surrounding of her soft pink lips had the faint traces of my red lipstick on. She looked beautiful, and the evidence of the night before was almost breathtaking and a definite turn on.

I pushed myself up so that my knees were straddling the other girl's thighs and my cascading strands of tousled hair were the only things covering my unclothed body. My cheeks flushed half with a slight self consciousness of how completely exposed I was and half with an inescapable arousal as Johanna's eyes wandered over every inch of my skin and she caught her lip between her teeth as they did so.

"Do you want to take a shower?" My eyes widened at the other girls suggestion. Of course I wanted to, we definitely both needed to shower after last night. But I wasn't sure whether Johanna was genuinely confident enough to be surrounded by the water. I didn't need to vocalise my doubts because she must have read my expression. "I've been showering every day since we got back here. You helped me cross the first hurdle in the cabin, so things got a lot easier after that."

I returned her smile and we stayed like that for a moment, our glistening eyes locked onto one another's with genuine grins spread across our faces. After a few beats we made our way into the bathroom attached to the bedroom and before I could count to ten, I was pressed against the shower wall.

I gasped at the contrast of the cold tile wall and the heat of both the water which rained down my body and the contact of Johanna's skin. At first we giggled at the excitement of the situation, brushing each other's now damp hair from our faces and exhaling at the feeling of the water as it washed away the makeup and sweat from our _marathon_ last night. But as soon as our tongues found one another's and I found our fingers interlocked above my head, the laughter which had been escaping our throats turned into guttural moans of desperation and longing for contact were we both already wanted it most.

Within seconds Johanna had made her way kissing and nibbling down the length of my torso, before kneeling down and using the pad of her thumbs to gently pull against my lips and expose my clit to her completely. I don't know whether it was the flow of water from above us or the liquid that I knew was seeping from my entrance, but her tongue slicked against my folds with an almost slippery ease, causing me to gasp and grip roughly at her now soaking wet raven coloured locks of hair.

Her tongue moved against me for several moments before she began to press in a circular movement against my clit, her thumbs still holding me completely open and allowing her access to every inch of my sex. I rocked my hips at the growing pleasure and used my grip against her hair to pull her even firmer towards me, my moans becoming an almost song of approval over the sound of the water as it splashed against the floor of the shower.

I couldn't help but cry out the older woman's name as she dragged the pad of her thumbs down either side of my clit, her tongue still pressing against it's middle firmly but her thumbs adding an entire new feeling of pleasure as they traced against my folds. I could feel my stomach begin to tighten and the sensations starting to send me completely over the edge, so I continued to press myself hard against her.

"Who knew breakfast could taste so fucking good?" I threw my head back and moaned at the feeling of Johanna's hot breath against my nub. The arousal of her words and the husk of her voice sent tingles right through me, almost forcing me to pull her mouth back against my glistening wet folds.

I gasped as she obliged, plunging her tongue down to lap up the liquid from my entrance and drag it back up towards my clit. At the same time, she raked her short nails up the length of my thighs before grabbing at my hips and pulling my centre hard towards her mouth, increasing the pressure of her tongue as it don't continued to fuck me. Her tongue was suddenly working in a new and constant rhythm, again forcing me to thrust my hips against her face in desperation for that final release. I removed one hand from the other girls hair and brought it up to my mouth, biting hard against my own fingers to suppress my moans just slightly as I could feel myself about to come undone completely.

"Johanna. Fuck." I almost screamed despite the presence of my fingers between my teeth. I felt my body threatening to lose control and the cusp of my orgasm beginning to wash over me. Johanna must have sensed it too, or tasted it, because she let out a throaty moan herself and lapped her tongue up to suck against my clit with just the right amount of pressure as I began to grind hard against her mouth, screaming out her name as I rode out the length of my orgasm.

The warm water continued to splash over us as I stayed with my back against the shower wall and my hips thrust slightly forward, still leaning into Johanna's presence between my legs. Thankfully the drumming noise of the droplets meant the erratic sound of my breathing was inaudible as my body attempted to recover, but as I looked down I could almost see the bounce of my heart as it threatened to burst straight out of my chest. I had to force my eyes not to roll straight to the back of my head as I caught sight of the other girl still beneath me. Her tongue was still lapping ever so gently against my centre, mopping up every last drop of my arousal and swirling against me to bring me down from my orgasm slowly. The image of her still claiming me was almost enough to send me into another orgasm so I tried to will my stare away from her. But I couldn't take my eyes off her dripping wet naked body and her eyes which were closed, as if to savour the taste of my juices as her hands were now gripping gently against my breasts. It was scary how well she knew my body now. She knew it better than I knew it myself.

"Mmm. That was... Ugh." I whispered throatily as the dark haired girl placed wet, open mouthed kisses all up the skin of my torso, hovering for slightly longer on the skin of my breasts before reaching my jaw. I moaned and tilted my head to the side as Johanna offered no vocal response, but simply continued to smother my neck and jaw in erotically wet kisses against my already moist skin. I felt my breath physically hitch in my throat as she took my earlobe between her teeth and scraped her teeth at the flesh, her breath hot and shaky and sending a shudder straight down my spine. I could feel the heat return back between my legs and a pool of liquid, which was definitely not from the shower head, finding itss way to once again seep through my entrance. I half giggled and half moaned at the sensations rushing through my body. I was desperate to return the feelings to the other woman but she was making my legs go weak at the knees. "Seriously, Johanna, stop."

She giggled huskily but continued to suckle against my earlobe, relishing in the control she had over me as I remained still pinned against the wall of the shower. Her hands were massaging against my breasts and circling the warm droplets against my nipples whilst her breath remained loud and shaky against my ear, signalling that despite having not being touched she was still more than turned on just from fucking me.

Without warning I used my right hand to grab against the underneath of her backside, effectively pulling her up slightly as my index and middle finger of my left hand slid with a glorious amount of ease down the length of her clit and folds.

"Mmm." We both murmured simultaneously as the pad of my fingers met with the pool of liquid which was waiting at her entrance. The vibrations of Johanna's breath as she moaned straight into my ear sent me into a frenzy, spurring me into slicking the entirety of both fingers straight inside her and beginning to move in and out of her in a steady rhythm. I moaned out as she enclosed her lips around my ear, using her tongue to lick at my sensitive points as her breathing and increasing cries of pleasure contributed in encouraging me to continue fucking her in the exact same way as I had already begun to.

"Yesssss." She half cried, half hissed into my skin as she pressed herself down to grind even harder against my movements. The combination of her noises and the feeling of her walls hot around my fingers was making me desperate for more contact and so I removed my other hand from it's grip underneath her backside and began to press in a rough circular motion against my own clit. My panting and rocking movements became more erratic as my pressure against my nerves remained firm and steady, tingles spreading through every inch of my body. The sound of my growing moans caused Johanna to tear herself from my ear and crash her lips against mine, immediately forcing her tongue past my lips and kissing me with a hunger as though she hadn't tasted my tongue in weeks. I of course kissed her back with the same ferocity, continuing to moan into her kiss as my hands continued hard at work against both my own throbbing nub and the sodden insides of Johanna's sex. As Johanna continued to grind against my rhythm with an ever growing force, I increased the friction of my fingers against myself and couldn't contain but to gasp out as I could feel myself once again close to the edge.

Johanna pulled away from the kiss with a slight look of confusion evident behind her contorts of pleasure, obviously searching for the reason behind my unusually loud moans just from fucking her.

"Oh my god." Johanna moaned throatily as she looked down and her brown orbs widened on discovering the cause. The sight of the other woman watching my fingers encouraged me even more and so I slicked my fingers down from my clit and straight past my folds, entering myself and mirroring the movements of my other hand inside my lover. Johanna bit down against her lip, failing to suppress a moan as she began thrusting herself hard against my fingers, her pupils black and wide with arousal.

I leant forward to capture her mouth in mine and Johanna immediately leant into the kiss, pushing my head back to rest on the wall and almost duelling my tongue for control. Her fingers raked up to grasp above my ears, intertwining in my soaking wet, dark locks of hair and pulling with a gentle ferocity as her hips continued to buck against me with a growing force. Over the noise of the running water, I could just make out the noises of our wetness as I curled my fingers and the friction inside of us both increased.

The pleasure became so intense so fast that we could barely focus enough to kiss each other anymore, our mouths still in contact but now just hovering and breathing against each other, fighting to contain our screams and biting down on the other's bottom lip after every other deep reach of my fingers. I could feel myself about to come undone and the sudden extra force of Johanna's grip against my hair told me she was in the same place, so I pulled down and almost removed my fingers from the other girl before circling once around her entrance and then plunging deep back inside her, causing her walls to immediately tighten around me. The feeling and the sound of Johanna as she lost control completely and began to scream out breathlessly caused me to lose myself in another orgasm as well. We both cried out each other's names simultaneously as we rode out the wave of our orgasms, our bodies moving in the exact same motions and feeling the exact same peak of pleasure as I continued to work my fingers right until the very last millisecond of the climax.

I removed myself gently from inside of the other woman and then from myself, before wrapping my arms around her waist and holding her body firmly as her skin continued to tremble and her breath attempted to calm. She slid her fingers around my neck and leant against the rise and fall of my chest, laughing softly into my embrace as the pair of our bodies tried to recover from the force of our orgasms.

"Well, fuck. I'd forgotten how much I missed you." She breathed out in a chuckle against my chest and softly kissed the skin at the top of my breasts, hovering there for a few moments before we showered off properly and then returned to sit back in Johanna's bed. We'd both changed into comfy clothes - sweatpants and cotton t shirts, seeing as today was the last day in Thirteen before everyone began to move back tomorrow.

I cuddled up against the older girl who was sat in bed with her back against the wall, burying my cheek against her chest and tracing my fingers against the section of exposed skin in the gap between her shirt and pants. She smelled fresh and clean, with a hint of raspberry from the shower gel we'd just used, but the t shirt she was wearing somehow had the faintest traces of pine still evident. I guess you can take the girl out of Seven, but you can never fully take Seven out of the girl.

I let my eyelids flutter shut as we sat in a comfortable silence for several minutes, my fingers tracing shapes against her skin as she twirled the damp strands of my hair around her fingers affectionately. Everything seemed so perfect in that moment, I almost didn't want to speak. But I knew I couldn't avoid the question I was so desperate to ask forever and with our stay in Thirteen fast approaching it's end, I knew I needed to ask her now.

I cleared my throat and took a small breath, trying to sound as casual and unaffected as I could despite the anxiety etched in my chest. "So, what did you and Ava talk about when you left last night?" I felt her stiffen slightly underneath me, but her movements against my hair didn't stop.

"It wasn't so much us talking... more her demanding to know why I'd screwed her over and left her for someone I apparently barely know." She paused and kissed my forehead in reassurance, "I'm sorry I didn't tell you about her, Katniss. It never seemed relevant. I didn't think you'd ever have to meet her. I mean, I wasn't planning on ever seeing her again." She swallowed and breathed out in a sigh, "I thought if I just stayed away completely she'd be able to get over me. _Clearly not_."

I shuddered slightly at her words. I wanted to know these things, but still, it wasn't nice to hear. The thought of Ava still having feelings for Johanna wasn't the nicest thing for me to think about, it made me feel sick. Especially considering her extraordinary beauty. I wouldn't like to be competing with her for someone's affection. I flashed back to my conversation with the blonde, to her revelations which she'd been so eager to share with me.

"But she said the two of you only ended things because you had to go back into the arena... And because you were planning on sacrificing yourself for me." I questioned, confused at why Johanna would just abandon someone she loved and shut them out from her world without any contact. How did I know she wouldn't do the same to me?

"I mean, yeah." She responded tentatively.

I swallowed hard. "And you were in love with her?"

A silence filled the room for a few moments before Johanna replied softly. "I thought I was."

"What do you mean?" I continued to dig for answers despite Johanna's clear discomfort at discussing her feelings towards her ex girlfriend with me. I shuffled myself up so I was still tucked into her embrace but our faces were hovering just in front of each other "What made you realise you weren't in love with her?"

Johanna smiled. "I met you, brainless."

...

We spent the next twenty four hours packing away our things and spending some time with all of our friends in Thirteen before we had to say goodbye for what could be weeks or even months. Everything was so different now, compared to my life before I was reaped. I had so many new people in my life, people who I now couldn't imagine being without. I'd basically acquired a whole new obscure family made up of incredibly diverse people, all whom could now go back to their districts and live whatever lives they chose. I knew I'd still see Gale and definitely Haymitch who would both more than likely continue living in Twelve. And Johanna would definitely make sure we saw Finnick and Annie regularly, especially when their child was born. But it was saying goodbye to people like Effie, Plutarch and Beetee who I'd actually grown close to but would now probably only see at special occasions, if ever. I'd developed quite a bond with Effie. One which I under no circumstances would have ever imagined having. But with everything I'd been thrown into, she'd always been there with me and at some times she even felt like taking a part of home to the Capitol with me. Crazy, I know, considering Trinket was from the Capitol herself. Despite her extrovert exterior and flashy lifestyle and ultimately the fact that it was Effie who called out my sister's name at the reaping in the first place, she seemed to sympathise with mine and Peeta's situation. She seemed to genuinely care. The three of us and Haymitch had become a team. A team that I was proud to have been a part of, _a golden team_.

The absence of both Peeta and Prim had definitely been noticed at our final supper, but Gale's toast in their honour was enough to bring tears to everyone's eyes. Despite not knowing Peeta as well as some of us, and considering their track record of awkward meetings - the way he spoke about Peeta was admirable. His kind words turned the entire room silent. His short but beautiful mention of Prim meant more to me than he'd ever know; he'd meant a lot to my sister and helped her through things when I hadn't been there, I owed him for that. He shocked me with his way with words, sounding more like well spoken Peeta than himself, solely capturing the attention of every person at the table as he assured not a day would pass by without their sacrifice on our minds.

My Mom understandably had seemed quite upset. She didn't say much and her eyes were glossy, but she did her best to hide it with a smile etched across her face for the duration of the night. But nobody expected her to be this brave; we'd all been affected by Prim's death, so everyone could only begin to imagine how she must be feeling. I knew of course, because I felt it too. But I had Johanna now and the prospect of what could actually be an incredible future, unlike the past which my Mom had endured and the bleaker future which she might have to face without her husband and youngest, most precious daughter.

Johanna had understood completely when I told her I'd be going back to District Twelve for a week or so. I wanted to make sure my Mom settled in okay and found her own two feet again. The rebuild would apparently be pretty much the same as before, but there was no more Victor's Village and the houses would be more substantial than the shabby hut styles we'd been living in before, so it really was a fresh start. I felt like we needed to settle back in together so that my Mom didn't have to go back to a new, dark, empty house completely on her own. I knew she was worried about returning to Twelve without my sister. They used to do everything together after my Dad died. And of course my situation was completely different from what it used to be when I lived in Twelve - both before the Games and during our stay in the Victor's Village. She was probably scared of me just abandoning her and leaving her on her own now that I technically didn't need her anymore. She'd need my help in adjusting to living without Prim. Prim had always been our guiding light, our reason to keep living and now she'd been taken from us. It was going to take some getting used to, but I knew my Mom would be fine. She might not know it, but she had plenty of people who would be there for her from now on. I knew Haymitch had a soft spot for her, perhaps slightly _too soft_ for my liking - but as long as they were both happy then I really couldn't complain. They both deserved to be happy.

...

Almost six weeks had passed since we'd all moved from District Thirteen and I was still living at home with my Mother. I spent my time baking in the kitchen of our new, rather nice home or out in the woods hunting again with Gale. We'd even taken Haymitch out with us a few times in our attempts to wean him from his addiction. Everyone was doing well. The whole District was doing so much better than it had been before. The population was sparse since the rebellion, but everyone seemed to be focusing on the positive and making sure to make the most of the life our people had so bravely fought for.

I'd made habit of ringing Johanna three or four times in the first two weeks and so I knew she was doing fine on her own down in Seven. She'd told me she had started visiting Four on the weekends to be with Finnick and Annie; who's bump was steadily growing by the day. They were all eager to see me, especially Johanna of course, but for some reason I found myself continuously postponing my move to Seven. I missed the axe wielding beauty like crazy and the phone sex was nowhere near the same as the real thing, but I felt like I couldn't just pack up from Twelve and leave. My Mom was more than ready for me to go, especially considering the amount of time Haymitch seemed to be spending in our house instead of his own.

I think it was more the thought of leaving my memories of Prim behind, which I couldn't quite shake. Twelve had been our home. Most of my memories of my sister had been made on this very soil and in these very woods. Packing away all of my belongings and leaving my Mom, my best childhood friend and my mentor was a big deal in itself, but leaving behind the air which had once surrounded my little sister was almost unbearable. I guess moving my life away felt like I was accepting letting go of her. I was scared that I was letting go of her too soon - instead of holding on to what I had left of her.

...

I exhaled one last warm breath over my cold lips as I released my arrow, sending it slicing through the crisp air and piercing into a fox. Straight through its eye of course. It was extremely rare that I'd see a fox out in the woods of Twelve, so Gale would be more than pleased when I returned home and gave it to his Mom for their family. Food was much better in twelve now since the overthrowing of the Capitol, but we were still nowhere near the level of One and Two. We just didn't have the population or the resources. Varying our meals was the biggest challenge.

I wandered through the woods and crossed back into the grounds of twelve, smiling at the scurries of small children who had stopped their game and were staring at me in awe. I was still somewhat of an idol around here, especially to the children of my own district. They still reacted as though I was royalty passing through them, despite the fact that they'd seen me almost every day since we returned to Twelve. I guess it was a good thing to have children looking up at you, aspiring to be like you. But it was just strange considering I felt so undeserving.

In the past week I'd thrown myself completely into hunting; gathering up a collection of various kills to feed my Mom and our friends for the weeks whilst I was gone. I hadn't spoken to Johanna for about nine days. On the rare occasions that I called, there was no answer and when I rang Finnick to see if she was with him, he'd told me she'd taken to working out her excess tension in the forests of Seven to occupy the most part of each day. He did mention that she hadn't been to stay with him the last weekend though, something about her being too busy at home. I decided I'd definitely make the journey to Seven within the next few days, my things were all packed away now, but I just needed to take that final step and board the train. I decided not to call her anymore though. I wanted to surprise her anyway. I knew the moment our eyes found each other again would be incredible, and our first kiss would be breath taking. The thought of it made me shudder.

I walked through the door and flung my heavy kill onto the table, filling a glass with water and gulping it down to quench my thirst.

"Mom, I'm back!" I yelled up the stairs, informing her because I'd been gone for the best part of the afternoon and it was starting to get dark. "I'm just gonna go over to Gale's to give his Mom this meat."

"There's no need." I jumped as Gale appeared from the kitchen with my Mom and Haymitch at his heels. He smiled at me and eyed up the dead animal with an impressed look. It lay in perfect condition despite the trickle of thick blood from its eye. Haymitch sat at the table and Gale copied his action as my Mom filled up the kettle and crossed her arms over her chest. Her gaze wandered to behind me and gestured at whatever I'd missed.

I turned my head and frowned when I saw my bags piled in a heap against the wall. I hadn't moved them from my bedroom, so my Mom had obviously moved them for me. I guess I wasn't exactly surprised though, she'd been dropping hints all week.

"Why are my things by the door?" I quizzed. I noticed a slight smirk evident across the faces of our two male companions, especially Haymitch, so I rolled my eyes playfully. They were trying to hurry me along.

"It's time for you to go and be with Johanna, okay sweetheart?" Haymitch looked up at me he spoke, the firm look behind his eyes silently reassuring me that he'd look after my Mom whilst I was gone. I wasn't worried anyway; I knew both he and Gale would be there for her if she needed anything. Besides, I'd be back to visit every so often.

"I'm absolutely fine, dear." My Mom smiled warmly towards me, "I appreciate everything you've done for me these past few weeks, these past few _years_, Katniss. I couldn't have gotten through all of this without you... But I'm doing just fine now." She paused. "Prim would want you to go to Johanna. She liked Johanna, a lot. She liked the two of you together. She could see how happy she makes you. We all can." She must have noticed my confusion at her comment, because she continued. "The night we came to see the pair of you... when you were staying in the cabin. As if the mark on Johanna's neck didn't give things away," She raised her eyebrows playfully, "just the way the two of you were acting around each other would have." I could feel my cheeks flush so I shuffled slightly, twiddling my thumbs as my Mom spoke. "You two have something special, do you know that?"

I fought against the heat which had spread across my cheeks and smiled back at my Mom, nodding in compensation for my lack of speech.

Gale stood up and smiled at me widely, it was nice to see his approval towards me and Johanna considering the feelings I knew he once had for me. Evidently even he could see that I was supposed to be in Seven with Johanna and not still here in Twelve. He walked towards my bags, lifting the two largest up and throwing them over his shoulders.

"Come on Catnip, you're going to miss your train."

...

The journey was long but gloriously scenic. The various landscapes which surrounded the train as it whizzed through the districts between Twelve and Seven provided me with a distraction from the butterflies which were whirling through my stomach. I knew Johanna wouldn't be angry at me for staying in Twelve for longer than I'd planned, but still, I'd left her on her own for all this time and perhaps she'd accustomed herself to being without me? I guess I was apprehensive about seeing her, just in case my worries were true, but the feelings in my stomach were more just excitement than fear. I didn't ever want to spend this long away from the other woman again.

I bit my lip to suppress my smile as the train pulled up at the station of District Seven. I ran my fingers through the strands of hair which had fallen from my braid before dabbing softly at my very slightly makeup covered face. It was pitch black now considering it was almost midnight, but I didn't want to turn up after all this time looking just as haggard as I must have looked in the arena.

I lugged my bags over my shoulders and began the twenty or so minute walk to Johanna's house. I only knew how to get to where she lived because she'd described it to me so well when she'd told me about what it was like for her growing up and then what it was like moving into the Village. After a while, I saw the pine tree with the circle of mushrooms which grew around it. Seven had been hit very lightly with the fire bombs and so the majority of Johanna's home district was still intact, even the tree she'd described to me so vividly. I knew I was close now.

I exhaled a steady breath as I approached the row of houses in the Victor's Village. They were the same as the ones back in my district, except there were more of them here. Districts Ten, Eleven and Twelve had decided not to salvage their Victor's houses during the rebuild, but to build everything back equally in attempt to and try to put any evidence of the games behind us. But in the district's that hadn't been attacked badly, like Seven, they of course still had theirs. My stomach flipped as I saw the house which even in the dark was so recognisably Johanna's. The glare of the moon lit the various piles of perfectly chopped logs in front of the step and helped me in avoiding crashing into them as I made my way to her front door.

I dropped my bags by my feet as I reached my fist up to knock against the wood. I could make out that a light was on somewhere in the back of the rather large house. Good, I thought. She must still be awake. I didn't want to frighten her out of her sleep, especially considering she wasn't expecting me. I could just imagine her turning up at the door with an axe in her hand, poised and ready to swipe straight at my throat. Easily killing me with one swift movement.

I knocked three firm knocks with my fist, despite the huge metal knocker which I could have used instead. My heart was racing with anticipation as I stood waiting on the step, twiddling my thumbs as I heard footsteps heading soft but fast towards me. I gripped my occupied hand against the handle of my bag as I watched the doorknob turn. My chest near exploding and my smile nearly bursting straight past my cheeks at finally being here in Seven with Johanna.

In that moment I could have slapped myself for leaving this so long. This is where I was supposed to be. This is where Prim would want me to be. This, here, with Johanna, was my future.

But just as quickly as it came, the rush of whirling bliss was swiped away from me. No not swiped, _ripped_. Not only did my heart feel like it had been stabbed straight through my chest, it felt like the knife had been twisted repeatedly and slowly dragged out, leaving me emotionless and unable to breathe a single breath as I stood helplessly on Johanna's step.

I stared wide eyed, at the sickeningly beautiful blonde in front of me, as she stood leaning against the door frame wearing nothing but a tiny silk red nightdress. Her exposed long smooth legs were crossed as she brushed a strand of blonde hair away from her forehead casually, eyeing up my bags with a look which seemed to almost mock my effort. In that moment I would have rather Johanna answered, with an axe in her hand, poised and ready, swiping me straight across my throat with one swift movement.

"Katniss!" Ava exclaimed piercingly, with a smirk painted perfectly across her faultless features. She dragged out her next words in an almost scoff, ridiculing my evident shock at her presence in _my_ Johanna's home. "What a surprise."

* * *

Sorry guys, I ended up having a really hectic week and literally had no time to write... But better late than never hey! I think my next chapter is going to be the penultimate, buttttt I've already started on my next story so stay tuned ;)

Thank you so much for the continued reviews, they still humble me just as much as the very first!


	20. Chapter 20

I think near enough ten, painfully long seconds had passed by with nothing breaking the deafening silence but the sound of the wind howling through the cold night air and whistling through the gap which Ava's body created in the door. I'd opened my mouth in attempt to form some kind of response, but all that escaped me was the shake of my breath. I wanted so desperately to retort with some kind of witty comeback, to try and act as though the wind hadn't been knocked out of my lungs and my heart wasn't beating as though it was about to explode right out of my chest. But, the sight of the other woman stood so territorially at the entrance of Johanna's home was enough to drain the fire from my veins and the fight from my bones. The gutting feeling in the pit of my stomach convinced me that attempting to fight back in competition with the fair haired girl was just pathetic. I couldn't compete with her. Not only did she outshine me with her appearance and her presence, but the pair had history. A history that must have been pretty serious considering this house used to be one which they shared. Or apparently _still was _a home that they shared. I'd just been a pastime for Johanna to fill that void for a while, but now, she was back here with Ava. And by the scantily clad appearance of the blonde, they'd been consummating their reunion just fine. How fucking stupid of me. How _pathetic _had I been, to think that Johanna Mason actually loved me? What the fuck.

I chewed hard against the flesh on the inside of my lip to stop the tears which threatened to overflow down my cheeks, using all of my willpower not to blink and embarrass myself any further. Apparently Ava had already won, so there was no use in me giving her any more satisfaction.

My head was spinning and my heart was pounding against my chest, my hands shaking from more than just the chill of the air. I didn't know what to do with myself. I felt like I was almost glued to the spot and my words were racing so desperately around my mind that they were lost in the inner noise and confusion, unable to escape and form a coherent sentence from my lips.

My heart dropped ten times further as I saw the outline of Johanna approaching from the distance of the back room. She looked so fucking adorable dressed in a deep green hoody and tiny black shorts. And as she got closer I could see her hair was perfectly tousled and down, her face free from any makeup with exception to the smudges of charcoal black eyeliner around her eyes. She stopped in her tracks momentarily as her eyes looked past the figure between us and met my glistening grey orbs from just beyond the doorway. Her gaze for a split second looked shocked, then I saw a flash of happiness, but when she read my expression her own was then quickly replaced with a fear and a look of guilt.

I didn't wait for her to remove the distance between us before I picked up my bags and paced hastily down the front path and back in the direction I'd came in. I couldn't make out what Johanna was saying to Ava in the background, but her voice was raised and angry. Johanna was probably annoyed she'd answered the door to me. She'd probably been planning on just forgetting I existed, like she'd apparently done to Ava in the weeks after the Quell. My tears were flowing freely now, partly with the heartbreak and partly from how fucking stupid I'd been to let my heart become vulnerable to the heartbreak in the first place.

"Katniss!" I carried on walking, picking up my pace as I could hear Johanna's yelling voice getting closer and closer. I'd rather just leave now without a word and try to forget that I'd ever met the District Seven victor. I mean, what exactly was there for us to say? She seemed perfectly happy in Seven without me. She'd probably spent every waking moment of the past fucking week with her naked limbs intertwined with the blonde, the pair of them laughing at my stupidity. I shuddered at the thought, biting hard against my lip to suppress the quivering of my chin. "For fucks sake, Katniss. Can you slow down?"

I dropped my bags as the other woman's fingers grabbed against my wrist and pulled me back to face her. My grey eyes bore into hers and my breath hitched in my throat, choking back a sob as only a few millimetres separated me and the woman I'd come to love so dangerously. Her expression softened completely as she took in the sight of me, so much so that she looked as though she might cry herself.

"Oh sweet-" She opened her mouth to begin speaking but her words were slapped right from her lips with the stinging force of my hand against her cheek. The noise of the strike almost echoed between the two of us as, masked by the simultaneous gasps that escaped from both of us at the shock of my action. She brought up her hand to clutch at the bright red mark which had formed across her skin, taking a step back from me as she did so. I searched the depth of her eyes for a split second, finding a mixture of hurt, anger and something that I couldn't quite make out. I wanted to speak to her, to _scream_ at her, but I was still completely tongue tied from the whirlwind that seemed to be taking place so unexpectedly right in front of me.

I crouched down to pick up my bags and leave once and for all, but was knocked straight onto my back. I hit the grass with a thud, the bottom half of my body trapped by the weight of Johanna's straddle and my hands pinned firmly above my head by her grip. The older woman didn't flinch from above me, despite my struggling against her.

"What the fuck are you-" I began to question the other girl's actions but similarly to Johanna before, I was cut off from finishing. But this time in a very different way. I almost gasped as Johanna's lips crashed hard against mine, her tongue swiping straight past my lips and entering my mouth hungrily, kissing me hard with every inch of her essence. I wanted to be nothing but angry towards her, I _was_ angry towards her, but I just couldn't stop myself from kissing her back. It was scary how every time I kissed her, it felt like the very first time. I let my tongue dance with hers for a few moments, savouring how incredible it felt to kiss Johanna Mason, before I bit against my own lip to stop our contact. I opened my eyes as her face hovered over mine, our eyes meeting painfully and my body shuddering from the warmth of her shaky breath against my lips. I tore my gaze away from her and turned my head to the side as a tear leaked from my eye and dripped onto the grass.

Why was she kissing me? What the fuck was her game plan? Was she still planning on keeping her hold over me, expecting me to pine over her, despite the fact she'd clearly been spending the last few nights with her ex girlfriend in her bed? Maybe this really had all been some sick game to her and I'd read everything wrong.

Johanna removed her hands from their lock on mine, effectively releasing me from her grasp. I didn't move though, I was almost too fragile to attempt to push the older girl from on top of me. She adjusted herself slightly so she was more to the side of me, with her leg still wrapped around me. My eyelids reactively fluttered shut as she gently brushed the pad of her thumb underneath my eye, wiping away the tears before they could fall to the ground.

I shuddered at the feel of her skin against mine, her touch acting as compensation for her lack of words. I realised that something about Johanna's reaction to my arrival didn't sit right with my theory. Her kiss was so tender; the expression in her eyes so genuine, it was almost as though I'd jumped the gun too soon. As though I'd given Ava the satisfaction she'd evidently wanted and not even given Johanna a minute to explain herself. I didn't want to allow myself that hope, but it's true, hope is the only thing stronger than fear.

I opened my eyes to look up at hers. Despite the black of the night sky I could still make out the glisten in her brown orbs. She looked devastated.

"I am _so_ sorry, Katniss." I swallowed hard, dreading the confession that I thought I was about to hear. "This isn't what it looks like. _At all_." I fought hard to stop my chin from quivering as a huge relief washed over me. Maybe I had jumped to the wrong conclusion. "Honestly. I don't know what she said to you, but she can be a fucking bitch when she's jealous. But I promise you, she's just bitter," she paused, a look of guilt entering her features, "for obvious reasons."

I sniffled back my tears and spoke for the first time since arriving at Johanna's door. "So you guys aren't getting back together?"

If I wasn't so scared of her response, I could have laughed at how pathetically weak my voice sounded as I choked out my words in a whisper. Johanna opened her mouth to speak, but then hesitated and pulled us both up into a sitting position, pulling my cheek to rest against her chest as she clutched at my hair.

"Oh my god." She whispered against the strands of hair at the top of my head. "You can't seriously think that, can you?" She kissed the parting of my hair several times before she continued. "I don't think I could be any more in love with you if I tried."

I could have kicked myself for how easily I'd let Ava's presence affect me, but then again it was an easy mistake to make. She'd hardly jumped at reassuring me that her stay in Johanna's house was innocent. She was probably sat inside now, laughing at my expense.

But I was the one cradled in Johanna's arms, I reassured myself silently. I'm the one Johanna loves.

"I'm sorry I hit you." I couldn't help the giggle which escaped from my lips as I replayed the scene in my head. Looking back now, I could see how ridiculously dramatic our reunion had been.

"More excuse for you to kiss it better tonight." Johanna chuckled against my hair. "You may be brainless, but you really are strong aren't you."

"I wasn't the face of the rebellion for nothing." I mocked, causing the two of us to laugh into the otherwise silent night air again. It was kind of ironic considering I was currently sat curled into another woman's arms acting nothing but vulnerable, with streaks of mascara stained down my cheeks. But one thing I'd learnt in the recent months was that love does crazy things to people.

I could barely feel the cold because of the chaos of the past few minutes, but Johanna must have mistook my shivers of the shock of things for a chill and so she intertwined her fingers with mine and insisted we make our way back to her house.

...

I woke up early the next morning, smiling when I remembered where I was. Johanna was fast asleep still, sprawled out across the majority of the bed with her leg draped over mine and her hand actually cupped around one of my breasts. Typical. Despite sleeping naked, we'd just held each other when we'd finally gotten into bed last night and I must have fallen asleep pretty quickly, the drama of my arrival having left me completely exhausted.

I stayed there for a couple of moments, silently watching the rise and fall of the other woman's chest as she dreamt peacefully. I was lucky that I got to experience her like this. A vision of vulnerability. Years ago, thousands of people had watched the screens in horror as the young and who they'd presumed as _weak, _female tribute launched from the cover of the bushes and swung her trio of axes with a skill that not many possessed. She'd swiped the necks of her remaining competition with ease, not even flinching as the blood of her victims splattered across her own features and grinning with a frightening satisfaction as she was crowned the winner of her games. She'd been one of the most feared women in all of Panem since. She was definitely the Queen of intimidation. But here she was, lying beside me naked and susceptible. Her locks of hair natural and flowing around her shoulders, her face clean from any makeup and her body completely exposed. I chuckled to myself as she muttered something inaudible in the midst of sleep. She looked completely incapable of harming anybody; the epitome of innocence.

I gently shuffled from underneath the contact of her limbs and tip toed silently across to the bathroom attached to her bedroom to shower. I stepped out of my clothes and sighed in content as the rushes of water travelled over my skin, washing away the hints of dirt in my hair from last night's unexpected encounter with the muddy ground.

When we'd returned to the warmth of Johanna's house last night, Ava had already gone to bed. The pair of us had sat in the kitchen talking for the best part of an hour before we'd made our way up to Johanna's room; the room which Johanna told me was now _ours. _She'd explained how Ava had been living with her Mom since she found out about the two of us, but her Mom had sadly passed away last week, leaving Ava without any family at all. She hadn't known where to go so she'd turned up at Johanna's door one day and of course Johanna couldn't just turn her away. Ava had moved into the spare room temporarily and was only staying here for another two days, whilst her friends in Six were making up a room for her to move into permanently.

Johanna promised me that nothing had happened between the two and insisted that she'd made it clear from the moment she arrived that me and her were serious and Johanna had absolutely no space in her life for Ava as anything other than a friend. I of course believed her anyway. I felt absolutely ridiculous for assuming anything otherwise. I knew what we had was special, but I guess it had felt almost too good to be true and so I'd assumed the worst.

I couldn't say I was thrilled that Ava would be staying with us for the next couple of days. I mean, talk about awkward. But the poor girl had just lost her Mom. And now she had no family left at all. The least I could do was try to make an effort with her before she left for Six.

I eventually tore myself from the sanctuary of the shower and dried myself off before brushing my teeth and combing my wet hair. I stepped across the bedroom and unzipped one of my bags as quietly as I could before retrieving some clothes and quickly changing. I slipped out of the bedroom and tiptoed down the stairs, taking this opportunity to quickly tour the downstairs of the house before making my way into the kitchen. The house was pretty much identical to my old house in Twelve's Victor's Village. Although, Johanna's was much less homely. I liked that about it. The house was like a blank canvas that we could build up together. It was our fresh start.

I nearly jumped out of my skin when I turned from filling the kettle and saw Ava sat at the kitchen table, reading a book and somehow looking as perfect in the morning as she had the night before. She still managed to look gorgeous wearing a baggy black t shirt and grey sweatpants. But then again, so did Johanna.

"Oh my god, Ava, you scared the life out of me." I gasped at the other woman, clutching at my chest. She closed her book and whipped her gaze up to me, laughing genuinely and brushing a loose hair behind her ear. I stood for a moment allowing a silence to fill the room, but it didn't feel awkward like I assumed it would be. "Do you want tea?"

"I'd love tea." I bustled around in the cupboards, thankfully finding the right ones straight away and pulling down two mugs.

"Do you take sugar? Milk?"

"Milk and two sugars please."

We settled into silence again as I made the tea, neither of us seeming confident to start the deep conversation that was almost necessary for us to have. I'd never been in this situation before, obviously. And there was no way I could just leave without talking to her, so I sat opposite her at the table, placing the mugs of tea down in front of us. She nodded in thanks.

"What's that you're reading?"

"A novel from my Mom's collection." She paused and ran her fingers across the front cover. It was a beautifully illustrated front, with a gold title covering a midnight blue background. "She spent most of her time reading. Her way of escaping the horrors of the real world, I guess."

I took a swig from my tea before placing my mug back down. The fair haired girl of course looked sad, but she smiled as if to reassure me she wasn't about to start blubbering.

"I'm sorry to hear about your Mom."

"Thank you." Her blue eyes sparkled towards mine. "I guess we've all lost people recently."

We spent the next twenty minutes or so drinking our tea and talking about pretty much anything, apart from Johanna. It was funny that she was still sleeping peaceful and oblivious to the interactions that were taking place between her ex girlfriend and her current girlfriend_, if that's what I was_? She'd probably have a heart attack when she woke up and realised the two of us were left together unattended.

I found myself telling the other girl stories from my past and listening intently as she told me stories about hers. It was crazy how much we'd clicked. I realised that I actually got along with her rather well. My initial judgement of her definitely hadn't been fair. I didn't know her when we first met. And of course she wasn't going to be kissing my feet and worshipping the ground I walked on, when I'd basically been the reason for her failed relationship. I couldn't help but feel guilty at how quickly I'd judged her without knowing her. Because sitting with her now, I could tell her intimidating presence had just been an act.

"I'll be out of you lovebirds' way in a couple of days by the way, don't worry." Ava dropped in mid conversation, bringing up the topic of me and Johanna casually.

"No seriously, stay as long as you need, okay?" I reassured Ava sincerely. "I'm sorry about how I've acted around you on the few occasions we've met." I looked down, slightly embarrassed. "I just didn't really know how to act, if that makes sense? You're kind of intimidating at first. And not to mention, incredibly gorgeous."

"Don't go hitting on me just because your girlfriend's asleep upstairs." I couldn't help the light blush which filled my cheeks, despite the laughter which escaped Ava's throat. I rolled my eyes and joined in with her laughter, grabbing both of our empty mugs and placing them in the sink. I filled the faucet with warm soapy water and washed them as Ava stopped her giggles and continued speaking. "Listen, Katniss." She changed her tone now. She still spoke softly but there was a much more serious tone to her voice. "I know I was a bitch last night."

I turned to face her, but stayed leaning against the counter. "No it was me! I jumped to a conclusion without even asking." Ava narrowed her eyes at me.

"Katniss, let's be honest here. I didn't exactly attempt to convince you to stay." We both smiled timidly towards each other. "Look. I'm not in love with her or anything anymore. I just, I care about Jo a lot. And of course you make me a little jealous." She narrowed her eyes towards me again as I scoffed. "No, honestly. You don't realise how beautiful you are. Everything about you is so _naturally_ captivating. You seem to draw everybody in, without even trying. I mean, Johanna had never even met you and she was more than willing to throw her life away to save you."

"Mm, but that was for the sake of the rebellion."

"I watched those games," she retorted back without hesitation, "it was for the rebellion at first, but within a day or two you had her practically eating out of the palm of your hand; fetching you water and putting herself at risk just so you didn't get a scratch on you. She was like a fucking puppy dog."

I diverted my gaze to the ground as I could feel the heat spreading to my cheeks again. How hadn't I noticed it? It seemed everyone else had noticed this chemistry between Johanna and I way before I had. I genuinely hadn't any idea she had feelings for me until her confession at the cabin. I still was at disbelief even now. I felt like the luckiest girl alive to have Johanna Mason. But I suppose that's how you're meant to feel when you're in love.

"I've been staying here for five days and I don't think we've had one conversation that hasn't ended on the topic of _you._" I whipped my stare back up in Ava's direction, biting against my bottom lip to suppress a smile. "She's crazy about you, babe. And I can assure you, she was never like that over me." The slightest hint of sadness flashed across Ava's eyes before she replaced them with a smirk.

"I'm pretty crazy about her too." I admitted shyly, turning back around and refilling the kettle with water to avoid any more soppy talk. "More tea?"

"I'd love a cup, baby." I shuddered, goose bumps coating my skin as Johanna slinked into the kitchen and came up behind me, wrapping her arms around my waist and speaking her words against the skin of my neck. I giggled and leaned over to place the kettle on the heat before turning myself around and slipping my fingers around the other woman's neck, the two of us settling into a familiar embrace.

"Did you sleep well?" I asked, unable to contain the grin which had spread across my face from her touch. The other woman pulled slightly away from my embrace but stayed facing me, lacing our hands together and positioning them in the space between our hips.

"I slept amazing." Johanna beamed back at me.

"Mmm. Last night was the first night you didn't keep us both awake in the middle of the night." Ava remarked from her position at the table. She was back with her book in her hands, but she lifted her gaze up to look at us. I raised my eyebrows in confusion and couldn't help but notice the blush which made home across Johanna's cheeks as she turned, narrowing her eyes at Ava. Ava bit her lip and smirked back at us, switching her gaze from Johanna to myself. "Not like that," She reassured. "Johanna just couldn't make it through a night without screaming out for you in her sleep."

"You're such a bitch." Johanna spat playfully at the blonde, kissing me on the cheek but avoiding my eye contact as she did so, embarrassment etched across her features. Ava just smirked and raised her eyebrow at me, causing the two of us to giggle, evidently making Johanna uncomfortable.

"Aw, is that true?" I teased at Johanna. Although I had to admit, the thought of Johanna pining for me in the middle of the night was absolutely adorable. I couldn't deny I hadn't woken up in a sweat on more than one occasion, with the ghost of Johanna's name across my lips. Ava and I continued to chuckle as Johanna made her way over to the table, sitting cross legged in the seat I'd previously been sat in and ruffling her fingers through her evidently slept on locks of hair.

"I don't know how I feel about the two of you suddenly becoming friends." She huffed, semi jokily.

I caught my eyes on Ava's pools of blue and we shared a genuine smile for a moment. It was a kind of recognition of our new found friendship and our mutual respect for one another. This whole experience could have been really awkward and generally quite awful, but it wasn't. I actually liked her company. She'd turned out to be beautiful on the inside as well as the outside.

I flickered my gaze to Johanna and we shared a brief but tender moment, before I whipped back around and got to work making three mugs of tea.

All of my fears about Johanna and Ava had disappeared now. I knew I had nothing to worry about. And I actually kind of liked this set up, with Ava still being part of Johanna's life. They obviously still cared for each other, and in all honesty, considering the history of their relationship I'd be disheartened if they didn't. It was inspiring that Johanna had been there for Ava, despite her having no required duty to.

Ava was moving to Six soon so we obviously wouldn't see her very often, but I was definitely eager to stay in touch with the fair haired beauty. The three of us all knew what it felt like to lose members of our family; in fact I was the only person with a parent left alive. I know when my Father died I wouldn't have been able to get through the heartache without the friendship and support of Gale. Ava had just lost the last of her family, so she could definitely do with keeping hold of as many friends and people from her past as she could.

I finished off making the tea, stirring in two sugars for Ava, the usual three sugars for Johanna and no sugar for myself. I placed the other girls mugs on the table and then retrieved my own, positioning myself on Johanna's lap on the absence of a third chair. The three of us sipped at the hot liquid for several moments before Ava broke the silence with a grin across her face.

"Jo, why don't you take Katniss on a tour of Seven today? I'll stay here and make us something extra delicious for dinner tonight. If you don't mind a third wheel at the dinner table?"

...

Later that evening after the three of us had sat in the living room enjoying each other's company for a few hours, we decided to head up to bed. Johanna and I had spent the day wandering around the landmarks of Seven and talking to various people of the District. The people of Seven were more than excited to see the pair of us together, it almost became ritual throughout the day to be greeted by gasps and squeals.

It had been amazing to see the many places from Johanna's stories in the flesh and truly get to experience parts of Johanna's past. It made me feel all warm inside that she was so eager to share her childhood with me. It was crazy how much things had changed, not just in terms of mine and Johanna's relationship, but the fact that the two of us were now free to live each day of our lives _together. _She was mine and I was hers. And this District and this house, they were now our home. Seven was actually quite remarkable and I was more than happy to call it my home for however long we decided to stay here, may it be forever.

Ava's attempt at her Grandmother's famous chicken dish had been rather awful, but certainly edible. She'd glared at our mm's and aa's of approval, evidently knowing that her cooking wasn't quite up to scratch. But we reassured her it was the thought that counted. The two bottles of wine which the trio of us had consumed afterwards had washed it down quite nicely anyhow.

Johanna and I showered briefly and separately, me going second and then slipping into bed unclothed and cuddling up next to the older woman. I wasn't exactly surprised that she was naked as well but I couldn't contain the gasp which escaped me at the feel of her skin against mine. Johanna pressed her thigh between my legs, purposefully adding pressure between my legs and supplying the friction against my centre that I hadn't felt in weeks.

"Johanna, no." I giggled with a serious tone into her hair as she buried her face into my chest. "You're going to have to wait another twenty four hours. Ava leaves tomorrow."

She shuffled her position again slightly, pressing her thigh harder against me and lifting herself so she was basically lying on top of me. I bit my lip at the feel of her breast against mine, turning my face away from the other woman as to avoid the view of her perfectly naked backside which was now directly in my eye line. "If you insist, princess." Johanna teased, decisively whispering her words against the small of my neck, causing a shiver to elicit my body.

"Seriously." I huffed as Johanna placed a long, open mouthed kiss against the skin of my neck. "I'm not touching you until tomorrow night." I breathed out huskily as she dragged her tongue across to my collarbone, placing another long kiss against my now goose bump covered skin. "Johanna, stop." I practically groaned as she swirled her tongue against my chest, before using her teeth to scrape against the skin. "She's right across the hall."

"You're just gonna have to be extra quiet then aren't you, baby?" Johanna hissed as she pressed her thigh even firmer against me. She licked and nibbled at the skin leading up to my jaw before sucking hard against my flesh, simultaneously intertwining our fingers and positioning my hands locked above my head. Pinning me down seemed to have become her signature move.

She ripped her swollen lips from my jaw and lifted her face to hover above mine, our eyes bearing into one another as she began to grind herself hard against my centre. The feel of her naked skin grinding with a slippery ease against me was almost too erotic for me to handle. And despite the giggles which were escaping us, by the look of desire in her larger and blacker than usual pupils, she was feeling the heat of the moment too.

Her pace against me began to quicken, my body grinding back against her in rhythm and I couldn't help but stifle out a moan against her lips which were now teasingly close to mine.

"Sshh." Johanna whispered, causing me to bite hard against my lower lip with my teeth and roll my eyes back to slow myself from reaching release already. The older woman loved the effect she was having over me; her smirk and hunger filled pupils speaking for her. I scanned my eyes down to the gap between the upper of our bodies, watching the pulse of her thigh against me and the mere millimetre or two which separated her taut nipple from my own chest. I removed my fingers from her embrace and used one hand to scrape my short nails forcefully down the skin of her back, almost feeling the liquid seep from me as Johanna failed to stifle her moan from the back of her throat. I know I was the one so insistent on waiting until tomorrow, but with the sight of Johanna's naked body practically fucking me just with its rhythm, I couldn't resist but to use the pad of my two fingers on my free hand to press against the other girl's clit.

The moment that my fingers made contact with her bundle of nerves, Johanna crashed her lips against mine, our tongues finding each other without hesitation and dancing the dance that had become almost second nature to us now. She lowered her body slightly to press further against my contact as I began to move my fingers in a circular motion, my hips moving in a similar motion to provide my own nerves with the same sensation against her thigh. Our moans were luckily smothered by the contact of each other's mouths as we each threatened to reach our release in unison; Johanna's hands gripping at my locks of hair roughly, and my own free hand almost breaking the skin across her back as I clung to her desperately.

"I've really fucking missed you." Johanna husked breathlessly between kisses.

"I've missed you too."

"Can I call you my girlfriend?"

Despite our movements against each other and the intense passion of the moment, the tenderness behind her question sent a flutter through my stomach and made my heart skip a beat. I kissed her with every ounce of emotion I could muster despite my fast approaching orgasm and whispered my answer sincerely against her lips.

"I thought you'd never ask."

I removed my fingers from their grip around Johanna's skin and whipped them up to pull at her hair, contrasting with the fragility of the moment and effectively dragging her face to the side with a force. I sucked hard on the revealed skin of her neck, making sure I left a mark as the two of us reached our orgasm together. Johanna sunk her face down to bite at my shoulder in attempt to suffocate her moan as she rode out her orgasm against my fingers, me mirroring her actions by keeping my mouth gripped firm against her neck as my wet folds and nerves rocked against her contact.

Johanna flopped down against me, our breaths fast and erratic and our skin glistening with a layer of sweat. I sighed out in a half giggle as Johanna still managed to place kisses across my collarbone despite the lack of energy we both now possessed. I ran my fingers down either side of her body as we both calmed to regain our breath back, lacing against her sensitive spots where her waist met her hips before bringing my touch back up her body and raking my fingers through her hair.

After a few moments she propped herself up above me again, drinking up the sight of my probably dishevelled appearance.

"You make me so happy, Katniss." Johanna laced her fingers lovingly up and down the side of my face, from my temple to my jaw. I leaned up to capture her lips in a chaste kiss, smiling against her contact as I did so.

I couldn't help but allow my eyes to fill with tears. The good kind, of course. Despite everything this beautiful, brave woman had been through and what I'd been through in the past couple of years too, there was a light at the end of the tunnel. I could still so vividly remember the first moment I laid eyes on her. I could still remember the first conversation we had, the first time our skin had touched, the first time we'd kissed and the first time we'd confessed our feelings. The touch of her skin against mine still created the same fire as it had done the very first time, but now it somehow managed to create a sense of security as well. I felt all at once surrounded by flame and at ease.

Our journey had been one of great beauty. Not lacking in lows, but similarly peaking with highs. I guess you can't appreciate the highs if you don't experience the lows. Looking back across every memory we shared, I knew we really were worthy of an unbreakable happiness together. This here, was my future. _And what a fucking fantastic future to hold._

In that moment right there, with Johanna's body pressed so securely against me and fitting together against me like our bodies were made to find each other, I realised what my Dad had meant when he'd spoken to me not long before he died. He'd excited me with stories of his own whirlwind romance with my Mom and assured me that one day I'd create my own story to share. I remember he'd warned me;

'True love doesn't happen right away; it's an ever growing process. It develops after you've gone through many ups and downs, when you've suffered together, cried together, laughed together.'

He'd made me promise never to forget those words, and I never had. Being so young, I didn't realise it then, but he was warning me not to give up when things look bleak. Love doesn't go away when the clouds are grey; it only strengthens and blooms when the clouds return to white. And here in the moment I had definitely reached love's peak.

"I love you so much, Johanna." I whispered, not removing my gaze from her beautiful brown orbs despite the tear which was making its way down my cheek. Johanna leaned down to gently kiss the path which my tear had left in its wake, before locking her eyes reassuringly onto mine, conveying her words before she'd even spoken them.

"I love you more, brainless."

* * *

**A/N:** And that's a wrap folks! I hope the ending didn't disappoint - trust me I wanted to do anything possible to postpone ending this, but this felt like the right place. Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed it as much as I loved writing it.

Be sure to follow my account and keep a look out for my next story, as I'm planning on beginning a Jen/Jena fic very soon! :)

Thank you!


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